Saturday, April 14, 2018

F.U. Cupid- It's a Zoo$k Out There


Alright, I'm not having much luck on FU Cupid, so when I saw a Top 10 New Dating Apps article, I just went ahead with their top choice, ZOOSK.  I hate it.

First of all, I posted a few pics that I think look like me...
This is my profile picture
I think it's pretty good; I'm looking directly in the camera, it's in focus, the background is only threatening to be more interesting than me, my smile indicates I'm happy to be here, fun & open and you can tell how fat I am by my face.  Nothing deceptive going on here besides a little color boost.

I set a up a profile, that could be better, but at least is very specific about what I like & who I am.

So, I set off on my new adventure, hopping on to the Carousel ride known as "Carousel" (If you're hep with movie references, 'Carousel' , in LOGAN'S RUN, was where people are spun around and shot to death when they reach 30 years of age, so to me, this is not a good thing).  Here, Carousel is where you click and either like or don't like guys based on only their photo using a big "X" or checkmark.  Immediately, I'm struck by the fact that there a lot of unfortunate looking fellas in my area.  I don't mean to sound snobby or Looksist, but so many of these guys look like they've given up!  I'm looking at a range between 35-60 and most of them have a look on their faces that looks like the wish they had opted for the Logan's Run Carousel years ago!  To be honest some of them might be more appealing if they had chosen photos that don't feature them in; 1. Sunglasses and hats (hiding them like some kind of kooky heroine in a 70's heist spoof) 2.  Pain (Seriously, some of the expressions on these guys make them look like they're passing a kidney stone!)  3. The middle of a convulsion (Shaky camera work, blurry photo... do they not know how to work a camera, decide what is a good photo or trying to hide something) 4. Swimwear that they should not be in (Usually, more coverage is preferred). 5. A line up at the police station (Some of these guys look like they just stepped out of prison, and not realeased for good behavior).

Look, I know picking a profile pic isn't the easiest thing in the world, but one should be concerned whether it is a basically good shot as well as one that conveys some truth about one's self.
Some of the basic mistakes I see are;
Distance Shots
I mean, c'mon!  I think you might be cute... the best I could tell from this shot is one's weight/body proportion (vaguely) and your next door neighbor is very kind for taking a picture for you from their living room window.

Bad Lighting
At least I know this guy has a head.  ... and central air (Bonus!)

Parts is Parts
The body parts shot is never more disturbing than when it is just a part of a face.  What's going on below the frame, you got the Alien retractable 2nd set of jaws down there?

Again, I hardly think I'm any sort of Adonis, but these issues in photos bother me not because I'm a photo snob (Which I am), but because they all occur for the one primary reason... they are hiding something.  I don't know if they're just shy, insecure or tricksters at heart, but I'm not attracted to any of those things, so I move on.  SERIOUSLY though, how difficult is it to get a well lit, in focus picture with your face in the middle of it???  

Then there are the ones whom I do find attractive, but are incompatible because there profile says things like "smoker", "fit for fit only" and the hugest turn off ever, "Straight acting here, looking for the same".  I can't believe people still write that shit and still don't know what it says about them.

Well, I did manage to find someone whose profile I found as attractive as their pic, so I sent him a message saying "Hi".  That's when the little window popped up "Upgrade if you want to know if he's read your message!"  Wait, I paid 59.99 for 3 months and that's not included?  I clicked on the button and found all these other NOT CHEAP upgrades that should be included for 59.99 (Which automatically renews!)   There is "Guarantee that anyone can respond to you" for 9.99 a month (Wait, I can send 15 messages to someone, but never know that they can't reply to me?- after paying 9.99 a month to know that they read message?) There's "Control your visibility" for 8.99 a month (is it worth that much to control whether a guy I'm not stalking can see if I looked at his profile?) There's "Boost your visibility" for 9.99 (Which implies that they are holding back my profile in some way- and that $59.99 is not enough) "Instant Crush" for 9.99 lets that person know that you like them when they randomly click on your profile, if ever. (So I click the star thingy to say I like someone, but they don't know until I pay extra?? WTF? Who the hell am I telling I like this person when I click the star, if not THAT guy???)  Of course, all of these boosts and bonuses renew automatically seperately, so you have to be on your toes or you could end up spending $100 on useless profiles & add ons.  I'm only slightly surprised I haven't seen "Cat In The Hat" which lets you know if the man you're talking to and really interested in is actually real or some being made up by the Assholes at Zoosk. "Anti-Vanity" for only 8.99 a month you can be sure that your profile is visible to more than just you!   At this rate, the stupid app should be called Zoo$k.

After this fresh hell, I've realized that OK Cupid isn't as bad as I thought, but still- this on-line dating stuff is crap- F U Cupid!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

This Is Why I Am Single - Texas Miss


Remember that Too Busy For Love thing?  Well, as if a full year's schedule of Chico's Angels shows ain't enough to keep me away from dating, I went and done sumpthin' real stupid.

I threw together a couple of sketches and auditioned for BEST IN DRAG SHOW.


The audition seemed to go perty well, then I got the call telling that me I am in.  I will be my character Reba Areba, gunning for the crown as Miss Texas.
WHAT HAVE I DONE??

I have just committed myself to designing and creating 4-5 outfits and coming up with an entertaining show; preparing for 6 months for a 1 night only event.  I hadn't even considered the hidden costs, the storage of costumes & props and transport of such things... The time working on the show, and promoting it while working full time and keeping up with Chico's Angels & Reba's schedules!

Am I crazy or sumpthin'?

How do I know how much time and work it is?  Well, back, over 15 years ago, I helped my, then, roommate, Kris put his show together and played a Mexican snow cone salesman for him...

That's where I met Oscar/Kay Sedia, who was running as Miss Mexico, little did I know how much of a time suck knowing Oscar would be!

The next year I returned to help my roommate, who ran again as another character, which firmly planted me in Oscar's head...

..leading to my involvement in Chico's Angels (another reason I am single & too busy for love).

Since then, the show has evolved into BEST IN DRAG SHOW

in a huge, fancy, historic theatre in DTLA

with shirtless hunks in the lobby promoting contestants


And contestants donning fabulous colorful & creative costumes





And Kay Sedia & Dee W. Iye doing color commentary every year.

Now I've put myself in the position of ignoring hundreds of invites to paint mugs at Color Me Mine or see someone's friend's Improv group in Reseda, in order to put together costumes & a talent that matches these clever bits...




WTF???

Why do it?
It's a fund raiser for Aid For AIDS and Alliance For Housing and Healing.
Stuff for Reba to post on her Instagram account.
With celebrity judges, a slight chance I'd meet Daniel Craig.
Not having to go see someone's friends Improv group in Reseda...

All good reasons, but mostly to have fun and put on a great show!
I'm not concerned with winning ( I say that, now...) I just want to stretch my creative muscles and be part of something big, charitable and entertaining!

So, while I'd love to see the SHUSH! movie with you, I can't!  I'm too busy!
I have to prepare for this pageant!
...But first, I have to prepare two numbers for Reba Areba to sing in John Cantwell's Cinco De Mayo Show, My Connie De Mayo!

The shows are May 3 & 6 at the Cavern Club Celebrity Theatre  at the Casita Del Campo

Get tickets HERE

I have so much to do!  THIS IS WHY I AM SINGLE!!!

P.S. without revealing too much, I'm looking for a hunk with a big stick for my talent portion!

Like this Steve Siler guy, maybe?




Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Too Busy For Love - What Frieda Says

I'd love to go skinny dipping with you tonight, but I'm too busy!!

We start our last week of Chico's Angels 2: Love Boat Chicas tonight and just don't have time for anything else! (Except work)

But, I did have time for a little interview as Frieda Laye! Catch this 20 minutes of unpure delight and find out what Frieda Laye would have to say about Jesse Tyler Furgeson, Vikki Carr, Daniel Craig and "Specialty Actors"HERE

Also, this hunky guy is in the show, too!


Get tix here

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Happy Easter!


As you know, I enjoy crafting my own greeting cards, whenever possible.  I was quite delighted to receive a handmade card from my dear mother.  I know I am very lucky to have had the loving, hard working mother I have had and lucky, still, to have her around.  I love this card almost as much as I love her!  I sent her one of the few cards I crafted for Easter.

Don't worry!! I crafted one for you!

HAPPY EASTER!


Sunday, March 25, 2018

Getting Out - My Facial Hair Hero


I recently saw LOBBY HERO on the Broadway.  I really liked the play and thought the acting was great on everyone's part, but the thing that stuck with me most was Chris Evans' mustache!
As you can see from my Playbill and early promo stuff, I went in not knowing about his fuzzy caterpillar. So, imagine my delight!

Listen, I've never thought I look terribly great with facial hair.  My beard can only be grown so long until it starts curling in and becoming very itchy.  Also, I've never gone more than a few days with a mustache.  Look, here's me with various hairstuffs on my face...




I think I look okay, but not great.  Even when I feel like I might be on to something, it's not long until I have to shave it all off and put on a dress.

Me in a dress
(Speaking of which get your tix for our next run starting March 29
HERE)

So there I am in NY, sitting and watching the show.  As an audience member, I'm really enjoying the show; as an actor, I'm admiring the performances; as a tragically single gay guy, I wanna jump on stage and lick Sugar free Vanilla, almond milk Matcha Latte foam off of Chris Evans' mustache!!
Part of it was because I wish I looked that great with a mustache and part of it was I'm gay and that's freaking CHRIS EVANS a few feet away from me!

If you're in New York any time soon, I recommend the play and the mustache.
I mean, c'mon!
I stole this pic from (and there's more to see) HERE
No, seriously, it's a great show.