Still True!

 

Gay of a Certain Age - Goodnight, Dan

Yesterday, I, along with a large group of people, gathered to say our final goodbyes to our dear friend, Dan McLaughlin.  Dan was a wonderful guy.  He was the embodiment of love, sunshine & joy.  The man was a human Muppet.  As a matter of fact, he loved the Muppets. ...And Disney.  ...And the Golden Girls.   ...And Dolly Parton.  It's easy to list the things he loved because he was always willing to share his love for things and rarely, expressed negative words about much at all.  That was the reason there were so many people there yesterday.

We gathered at St. Michael's Church 

and partook in a lovely mass in remembrance of Dan.

Although, I'm not one for religion much, anymore, I appreciated being included in this celebration of his life and important step in healing. After the mass, there was a reception where folks could find sustenance in tasty treats from Porto's, relive memories in a slide show and share their stories of life with Dan.  I didn't chime in because I wouldn't have made it through without bursting into the ugly cries and because what I had to say was too complicated to try to communicate there.  The truth is, I didn't cotton to Dan when I met him.

I had to be honest with myself & everyone there and I couldn't be an L.A. fakey and pretend that I didn't have a problem with Dan.  When we first met, I put up my wall of resistance immediately because he was such a loud person.  He had a laugh you could hear in Bakersfield. Being honest with myself and the person I was then, I saw that as a threat.  I thought, "this guy talks so loud so that everybody has to hear what he's got to say.  He laughs so loud just to convince people he's the person having the best time here!"  I was focusing on "who the hell is he trying to be?" instead of looking at myself.  My ego had totally taken over when it came to Dan.  I was used to getting attention from people, whether while being on stage or just being the terribly witty scamp that I thought myself to be.  I didn't want to lose that, and Dan was going to take it all away from me!  Of course, I feel ridiculous and embarrassed that that is how I saw Dan, but I'm proud how his persistence at being who he is actually wore down my defenses and served as an example to me that there's room for all of us in the spotlight.  Maybe it helped me realize that the spotlight isn't where I needed to be all the time.  I grew to love and enjoy Dan when I saw him at Saturday Brunch and parties

Mandel & Phil's Holiday party 2019

Gregory & Chuck's "the Least I could Do" Halloween party 2022

Dudley's House of whorers 2022
Sandy & Danny Trejo

Dudley's Memorial Day pool party 2025

I was very happy that Dan was able to come to Craft Night 2025!

I loved that Dan was always up for fun and always met Dudley's party themes with creativity & heart.  I, also admired his relationship with Jesse.  

Dan and Jesse both say they met the man of their dreams.  I believe them.  They were very well paired and shared seven great years together.  One of the things I took note of immediately was that Jesse wasn't always with Dan at our gatherings.  I've always imagined, if I had a fella, we would practice occasional separate social activities.  My guy wouldn't have to come to all my things and I wouldn't have to go to all of his. My inability to go to a function didn't automatically mean he couldn't go.  I will say, when Jesse was with Dan, he was WITH Dan.  He always participated in the party theme or totally showed up in the spirit of the occasion. In more recent times, when Dan faced his battle, it was beautiful to see the way Jesse cared for Dan without babying him or any sign of playing the martyr.  While this blog is mostly about me not necessarily needing/wanting a husband, I would love to share what Dan & Jesse had with some lucky guy.

When I learned that Dan had passed I was shocked because when I had seen l him last, he appeared to be okay and moving up in recovery.  I look back and I realize that I didn't know when Dan was first diagnosed and I didn't know when he went into treatment. All I knew was that he wasn't well.  I never asked because I believe people deserve their privacy and if they want me to know something, they'll tell me.  I didn't ask our mutual friends, who I thought would know because I didn't want to put them in the position of betraying a trust or at the very least, feeling like they were gossiping. There was a stretch of time when I didn't see him and when I finally did, he was in recovery and just barely ready to step out into the world.  One could tell that he was a bit fragile and had to concentrate on keeping balance.  The thing is, I missed him and I wanted to hug him.  (I like to give full on, firm hugs.) As I stepped up to him, he didn't deny me the hug, he simply reminded me to be careful.  I instantly envisioned this video that I love.

I repeatedly said aloud, "gentle... gentle" as the long as the hug lasted.  From then on, every greeting and goodbye was narrated with a hug and the "Gentle" refrain.  And now he has gone "Gentle... gentle..." into the night and I say "Goodnight, Dan."

Now, as a Gay of a Certain Age, when I think of Dan, I think of unmitigated joy and boisterous laughter and I am always reminded to be gentle. Gentle not only with my friends, but gentle with judgement and ego when I meet someone, who just might be as wonderful as Dan.  I also think of Fozzie Bear.

With love,

Gay of a Certain Age - WeHo Pride 2025 Day 2: Part 3

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I learned long ago that one should strive to live in the moment.  Enjoy the thing while it is happening. Still, sometimes I can get a little caught up in "Capturing the moment" and before I know it, the moment is over.  Well, that's what happened with this parade! Before I knew it, it was over.  If you go by your watch, you would probably say, this was not a short parade by a long shot!  But there I was, taking pics of everyone around me and when I turned back to the street, it was full of revelers heading for their bars of choice.  I didn't let it throw me, though, Dudley immediately got the gang moving and I thought, "I still have more pictures to take!!

Here are some of the folks I saw on the way to Dudley's bar of choice.

So happy!

We just walked past Micky's, so I guessed that was not where we were heading.  I did get a few shots of the Micky's dancers as we made our way through the crowd.

We traveled west a little bit more...

and finally landed at Mother Lode.  Personally, that is my favorite of the Downtown WeHo bars.  It's the one that still feels like a neighborhood bar in that four-block cluster of clubs.  There are a few that are not far behind in favorability (Gym Bar) and others that I still need to give a chance (I have not been beyond the outdoor patio at Hi-Tops).  Anywho, Mother Lode is where I feel comfortable.  Apparently so does Dudley, as seen in this pic here.

As comfortable as he was, Dudley had to give up his perch to make room for the dancer.

And what a friendly dancer he was!

From where I was standing and enjoying the revelry with friends (very near my dear dancer) I could see the happenings on the street.

I could also make sure my dear dancer was getting his due...

When it became clear that this dancer guy wasn't going to ask me to marry him, Dudley decided it was time to move on and we hit the street.  What sights we had to see!  My favorite was Daddy Smurf.

This guy was so happy he was dancing in the street! What's under that tiny skirt? You can see on the jump page (Link below)

I love going out with Dudley because he is a great influence.  He is very gregarious.  That means he'll go up and talk to people that I only think about approaching.  His gregariousness has served him well.  He seems to know a lot of people.

I wanted to ask this guy where he got that fabulous Chinese Take-out bag.

Dudley would have asked. 

See? Dudley knows people...

And they love him!

We had to get a pic with a Drag Queen!

Eventually, everyone peeled away and it was just me and Dudley.  I didn't want to, but I broke the news that I was old and tired and had to head home.  He understood and went his own way as I walked back to my apartment. I didn't mind that I had to go past Micky's dancers, again.

I enjoyed the sights on my walk home and still only thought "I'd like to know that guy" instead of talking to any number of hotties, cuties & friendlies.  I guess I was too tired to follow Dudley's example.  C'mon, if I didn't just say "Hi" to THIS guy, I've got a problem! Maybe this is a thought for a different entry on "This is why I am Single".  Anyway, maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Look, he was on his phone! I was right not to interrupt him.

I certainly had a full day and look forward to next year's WeHo Pride parade.  Who knows, maybe I'll be in it!

See more sensitive pics after the JUMP

Gay of a Certain Age - WeHo Pride 2025 Day 2: Part 2

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I know how important it is to support gay pride events and present more visibility.  It's important, especially in times like we are in now, where fascist fucks want to try to shove us back into closets, or worse erase us.  We must gather together with our gay, lesbian, bi, trans and queer brothers and sisters and show that we are a community: we exist.  We must show others, who are afraid to show who they actually are that they are not alone. We must show them that a chosen family can be as fulfilling, or even, stronger & more loving than a biological one.  At the very least we can show them to be even a little bit MORE GAY!

Here are pictures of the Parade portion of the 2025 WeHo Pride celebration.

Here I am at the entrance, greeted by a fabulous array of disco balls!

I enjoyed watching all the other folks finding and claiming their spots to watch the parade go by

I found my spot, staked out by muh DAB, Dudley

Also present we other DBS and friends who ruined the whole dying alone together thing

 by getting married and having children, 
I say with love.

I also enjoyed watching the folks directly across the street from us

And here came the floats...

Here are some new arrivals across the street!

Joined by Frank DeCaro & Jim Colucci

Hey! There're some delicious folk walking behind us, too!

Here are a bunch of mutants!

The gang's all here!

Uhmmmm...

You see it, too, right?

Another fine addition across the street!

The Abbey folk, embracing the Pink Pony Club

A gay Ghostbuster?

Why not?

Suddenly, a few hours later, the parade was over!

It was a good time watching all the colorful floats, costumes and hot guys go by, especially because I was with a great group of fun friends.  After the parade was over, a few of us continued the day with fun adventures in the street.  You'll have to read the next entry for those stories and pictures.

If you're wondering what happened to the Micky's float/firetruck, you have to click to the jump page below.  Those pics were just too bulgy to include here, where more sensitive eyes are not subjected to very scantily clad hot folks without warning.

See more "scantily clad people" pictures after the JUMP