Monday, November 30, 2015

S'up Muh DAB? - The Value of Kitty Gems

This week in Palm Springs was amazing.  Certainly, the time away from work in a quiet little desert city and tasty eats was quite the tonic, but it was my fellow DABs (Die Alone Buddies) that made the week so special.  Five single gays with no agenda, save for relaxing & having fun in a house with a swimming pool and great lighting; a really big ball of crazy.  As the week wound away, muh DAB, Dennis and I completed a jigsaw puzzle

We enjoyed the pool

We had an Iron On afternoon that went horribly awry

We went to the movies

We ate out often

We entertained guests

Our greatest accomplishment was putting together an entire Thanksgiving dinner!

It was a special meal with special folk

My favorite moment, if I could pick one, was the fabulous fun-time photo shoot that yieled the "Kitty" gems

The most valuable part of the week was the time spent enjoying each others' company, whether we were listening to a new music "mix tape", recording a pod cast, watching TWO HEADED SHARK ATTACK, sitting around talking or even annoying each other, these guys reminded me that I may not have a partner, but I do have friends that will be there with me and will not let me die alone. ...especially because they may be the ones holding a pillow to my face. (As I am smothered, I will appreciate that the pillowcase will feature the above photo- as made at Zazzle)

Check out muh DAB, Dennis' podcast

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - A Gay Old Time

My time in Palm Springs has been a fabulous mix of relaxation, activity and gayness!  
One of my favorite things to do is go to Wang's for dinner with the fellas, then off to the Spurline for drinks and videos!
This bar is great because they play showtunes & videos all the time!  The videos featured are old & new and everyone seems to enjoy them whether they know the songs or not.  You can walk in and have INTO THE WOODS on the screen and have HELLO, DOLLY bid you farewell as you head back to the aparment of the showtune loving lover who has seduced you during XANADU. 
That Dolly Levi, ever the match maker!

But, where else can you go that the entire bar grabs napkins and literally waves "Bye Bye, Birdie"?

It's always a great night, because I find that, as a Gay of A Certain Age, some of the uniquely gay experiences are fading away.  Gay bars are more inclusive now and you have party girls in there, followed by the straight guys who realize there's less competition at the gay bars and the music is better.  So, because everyone likes to dance, it's easy to go the gay bar.  Showtunes have not seemed to have caught on in the party girl world, nor with the straight guys who follow them to gay bars.  This place is a little haven where a gay can enjoy bonding with everyone else singing OKLAHOMA!  It's also refreshing to see gays of every age there, appreciating the old stuff, or learning about it, along with the newer things.  It is a unique experience that still feels uniquely gay.  I like that.  I cherish this little bar in Palm Springs because the L.A. gays can't seem to support even one night dedicated to showtunes, so it's on these sparse visits to the desert that I can truly enjoy myself.  I even stay at the bar when my group goes to the dance club across the street.  Maybe, this is why I'm single, too, but I like this reason.  I'll take SWEENY TODD over Justin Bieber any day!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Giving Bad Bed

Being in my current alone condition, sadly, I haven't had the occassion to share a bed in a very long time.  Sure, I've shared neked activities, I just haven't slept with anyone in it.  So here I am in Palm Springs and somehow, a new place means I don't have a room to myself and have to share a bed this year.   I am worried.  I'm not worried about any hanky panky, I'm worried that I am a bad bedmate.  Last night, I let my bed bud fall asleep before I got in to my side of the bed.  I gingerly lifted the blanket & top sheet, slid in carefully and plopped heavily into my spot.  I didn't sleep very soundly as I tried to keep to my side of the bed, laying tightly, like a mummy,  hugging the edge of the bed.  Then, when I adjusted I had to be careful not to pull the blankets over to my side.  Finally, my Bedmate Kryptonite;  I snore.   I've only had one significant relationship and I know that it all came crashing down in thirteen months for the simple reason that I snore.  The noise itself led to other actions and behaviors that ate away at the fabric of our union, like a little Mexican mouse in a box of cheese cloth.  Since then, I've not let anyone spend the night for fear that no matter how good our bed activies are or how much they like me, they would not stay more than one night.

This is why I am single, the damage that my snoring has done to a previous relationship has made me bed shy and wary of letting anyone close enough to hear the real me.  This morning, I asked my bed bud if my snoring bothered him and he said it hadn't.  Tonight he asked for the earplugs I offered.  I honestly don't know if I'll ever get over my fear of sharing a bed, but at least I might not have to share a room next Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 23, 2015

Getting Out - Aces!

Hey, I'm in Palm Springs!  I drove in today and did some exhausting grocery shopping.
I was done in, so by the time muh DAB, Dennis, got here, I was tempted to just call it a night and convince him to stay in and watch Dancing With the Stars.  Dennis was on it, though.  He didn't even unload his luggage.  He said, "you wanna stay in, or if we hurry a little, we can make it to the Ace for trivia."  I didn't have time to make excuses, I said, sure and off we went.

By the time Dennis and I got there, people were all over the tiny Amigo Room and there didn't seem to be any place to sit.  We almost gave up, when I saw a table make like they might be leaving.  I negotiated with one of the departing parties, when all of a sudden from the other side of the cramped booth, a woman was sliding in.  I resisited the drama route and simply asked if we could share the table.  She took a second and agreed.  So, Dennis and I were suddenly a team of four, as we shared the small booth with Monica and her husband, Peter.  Neither of us had any idea how this would turn out, but at first I thought, "I left the house for this? I could be napping!"  Then our hostess, Bella Da Ball, started asking the questions.  As it turns out, Monica was a hoot and Peter came through on a few tough answers.  As a matter of fact, we made a great team, with each of us using our own special powers of knowledge.  As these things tend to go, WE WON!

I must say that I'm very pleased that I left the house tonight.  I had a great time playing trivia with Dennis and our new friends from San Francisco.  I admire them because they are on their way to Arizona for Thanksgiving and they are stopping different places along the way.  I love that!
Peter told me he's enjoying the journey.  Here, here!  I enjoyed my journey to the Ace Hotel tonight.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Trials of Man Solo - Party of One & Then Some

Today I enjoyed a day all alone, I didn't leave my apartment, except to have lunch.
I went to one of my favorite places that I've neglected lately.  Kung Pao China Bistro welcomed me with open chopsticks.  When one dines alone as much I do, it's important to find places one enjoys, with tasty eats, comfy atmosphere and friendly staff.  Once in a while, I'll lighten up on a place because of heavy visitation, and I don't know how long it's been since I was a super regular here, but apparently I've been gone long enough for someone else to set up Lonely Shop.  I walked in, sat at a random two-top and set out my dine-alone accoutrements; my phone (face down), iPad set on "game" and a thin veil of judgement.  I readily ordered green tea and Siapore Mai Funand and set on to trying to make an eight letter word with only one vowel.  Then, I felt my veil waft a bit when I heard the man seated next to me speak.   First, he called the waitress by her name as she walked by, then he asked her a hypothetical question about a possible future order.  I pegged him in a second; THE LONELY DINER.  He is someone I hope to never become.  He's that late middle-aged man, who is so lonely, he eats in public only to not be alone, try to make friends of the wait staff and make everyone around him feel uncomfortable.  Almost any time a staff member walked by, he called them by name and made some comment or asked some inane hypothetical, like, "So if I ordered the Sai gow, you know maybe, in the future, do you think they could serve it with a different dipping sauce than what it comes with?  What dipping sauce does it come with?"  The staff was very friendly, but after I exchanged a judgey look with the slightly younger single guy sitting on my other side, the rest of us were cringing.  As I was finishing my meal, he flagged down Jose and asked if Mary was leaving, because she had placed his check on the table, and he had not asked for it... She appeared two minutes later and removed the check from his table.

I'm not an idiot, I actually did consider that when I found a parking in that impossible parking lot shared with Whole Foods, that I actually entered some time warp thingy and was actually seated next to future me.  It had to be future me, otherwise, why would he be so comfortable talking to me?  He tried to draw me into his sad web of forlorness as he leaned over and said, "I don't know if you know this, but they have great ice cream here.  Have you ever had their almond ice cream, it's great."
To which I replied, "I sorry, me no speaky LONELY."  Actually, said, "Yes, I have.  Thank you." And shut it down immediately.  Look, I have to judge him and not give in to any pity. He's giving us Die Aloners a bad name!  I am alone, not lonely.  If I'm get lonely there's a Craiglist for it! (actually, I don't Craigslist, because I am wary of serial killers.)  Seriously though, when you dine alone, you are in charge of your own entertainment and you are there to eat.  That is it!  If you're lonely, voulunteer some place where there are people.  Pretend to have an addiction and take in some meetings!  Walk by a skin treatment kiosk at the Grove!  But, for piss sakes, DO NOT MAKE RESTAURANT FOLK FEAR DIE ALONERS!!  It's hard enough to get refills on my green tea without the waiter avoiding me because he's worrying that I'm gonna ask about climate change and its affect on springroll stuffin's!  I wish that it was future me sitting next to me, because I would have slugged myself in the face and told me to snap out of it! Cripes! Sometimes, the Trials of Man Solo, aren't about dining alone, but restraining oneself from punching a possible future-self, because it might not be...

I hope I don't have to stay away from Kung Pao some more, the Singapore Mai Fun was superb!

Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Trials of Man Solo - Cramp Ball

Oh my God, You guys!
I almost took my blog literally yesterday!
At 5:30 am, I woke up with my stomach churning and gurgling sounds that only Captain Nemo could have heard before.  I ran to the terlet and thus began my torturous day of hell dealing with FOOD POISONING.  I felt terrible!  I seriously started to understand suicide as the early hours were filled with so much pain & discomfort and I thought, "what if I'm like this for the rest of my life?  I can't take this!"  I seriously have more empathy for anyone living with chronic pain, because my moments of discomfort were driving me mad, imagine if there was real pain involved.  Again, as I ran to the terlet and back to bed, I lamented not having someone there, but I was also grateful that there was no one there as I embarassed myself with whimpering and whining, because I know there's nothing anyone could have done (except maybe call an ambulance if I passed out and didn't come to) and I would just have to ride it out.  I will say that I'm gratedful that I, at least, have a maid twice a month because as I lay naked on the floor in a cramping ball, I knew it was clean.

At about noon I had a great vomiting session where I could feel my condition lessen immediately after.  Still, I was weak and my stomach & back were terribly achy.  My thinking became clearer and any thoughts of ending it all were safely away, (I never seriously contemplated it, but I did gain some understanding of it) but my thoughts weren't any less dramatic as I thought, "I almost died today!"
So, I barely escaped dying alone.  Thank goodness I had contacted my boss and a DAB, or two, so that if I did die of food poisoning, it wouldn't be a week or two before my naked body was discovered on my bathroom floor.  I did try to tidy up, just in case...

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - A Shred of Friendship

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I can say I am lucky to have the friends that I have.  I can easily count off a number of friends that I know I could call to bail me out of jail.  There are some friends that I am not as close to as I used to be, but usually when I see them, we talk as if we'd seen each other the day before.  Then, there are the few friendships that have just gone to crap and I don't care to see that person as much as they don't care to see me.  I'm not good at pretending to like someone that I don't, but I'm also not one for drama, so I can, at the very least, be civil and polite; I don't think I hate any of my former friends, I just don't trust them with my heart.  Then, there's another category of friend, that is basically "Friend-Lite".  These are people whom I like and admire, but as much I try I cant seem to connect with.  With some of them, I always feel like I'm auditioning for the friendship and they don't ever seem to let me all the way in, while others are simply on different schedules and we never seem to get together.  One night after a seriously displeasing event, which left me feeling like a humngous fool, I decided that I would stop chasing these types of friends.  That is to say, I'd stop trying so hard and setting myself up for disappointment.  Of course, I'm totally open to their invitation and would try very hard to get to them, but they have to make the first move.  I've found much peace that way.

This evening I recieved something very special in the mail, a third of a hand painted portrait.  I knew what it was the second I pulled it out of the envelope.  It was painted by a friend at a time when three of us felt very close. Unfortunately, just as she was about to finish her masterpiece, the other two of us hit a rough patch.  A really rough patch.  She tried her best to be a mediator over the next few weeks, but my friendship with the other could not be saved.  He falls into that category of I'd rather not see him because I felt our parting was totally one-sided, especially because I tried to hang on a little and show support for his artistic endeavors and show there were no hard feelings, even though we weren't hanging out or talking much at all.  The final straw came when I realized that he had unfriended me on the Facebooks.  Now, there are hard feelings.  She remained friends with him, which I did not blame her for, at all.  They were friends before I met them both and they were very close and she had no reason not to be friends with him.  I did my best not to bad mouth him when we hung out together.  They spent a lot of time together.  Unfortunately, her time was very rare and she slipped into that twilight of Friend-Lite.  I tried getting together, but dates got cancelled or when I was sure I'd see her at a certain event, she wasn't there.  When I had my revelation and stopped chasing, she was lumped into that group.  I was happy to see her on the Facebooks and the Instantgram and we shared happy comments, but I think I've seen her in person once a year for a brief moment where we had no chance to just sit and talk.  Then today, I got my shred of that portrait.  She sent me kind note explaining that she had finished the portrait of the three of us, finally decided to cut me out and presented it to him in a frame, just the two of them.  This did not hurt me.  I undertstand, perfectly, that she started the project as a gift for him and she worked very hard on it and it would be an absolute shame to have it sit under her bed for a few more years, or in a dumpster!  What I found touching was that she saved that sliver of me for quite a while, instead of throwing it out.  So, tonight I have it on my wall, next to another prized drawing of me as a pinhead.  I'm excited with the idea of getting together for a good visit with her soon!

I was disappointed to learn that the other two thirds of portrait probably ended
up in the trash, after all.  He ended his friendship with her, which surprised the hell out of me, because I thought if there was anyone who was safe from his axe, it would be her.
Then, I got a little sad for him.  I honestly don't know if he has any friends left.  If he couldn't find it in his heart to find a way to keep her in his life, I don't think he knows what friendship is.  All of my closest friends, I've had by my side for well over ten years and I have some friends growing closer every day.  Sure, we've had hard times or just needed a little space, or grown apart, but we've always found our way back, or even worked to save the friendship.  I try not to take my friends for granted because I cherish them & know I need them and some of them are going to be the ones to die alone with me.

Monday, November 16, 2015

He Don't Even Know - Peppermint Twist

This is "Rory"
He's my "boyfriend" because,
aside from being such a cutie,
he is a bartender.
I don't know why, 
but I'm always attracted to the bartender!
Maybe it is because they pay attention to me
 and bring me stuff for my mouth.
My favorite time with "Rory"
was last fall when we were at home
watching holiday movies
and he asked if I wanted a special drink.
I said yes, of course!
All of a sudden, 
his lips were on mine
for a deep kiss.
Much to my surprise,
his mouth was filled with 
peppermint schnapps!
What a twist!
It was a thrilling little surpise and we kissed for hours.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - Just Been There, Just Done That

So, I went to Santa Fe this past weekend and had a great time.  Nobody asked me, so I'll tell you.
I made a promise to myself that every year I would go some place I have never been.  I've knocked out all but ten states in the U.S. over the years.  Sometimes, I get so busy throughout the year that it goes by so quickly that I realize I didn't go anywhere I hadn't been.  This year I'd decided to combine a visit with my friends Ted & Eduardo in El Paso with somewhere close enough to drive.  Santa Fe was the perfect choice.

I enjoyed the historic sites and artsy stores.  The atmosphere was fun and inspirational while the climate was cool and bracing.  While I enjoyed a few gourmet meals, my favorite meal was a bowl of Frito Pie!
What really made this dish a tasty treat was the chili, obviously not from a can, that had the perfect amount of beans and meat in a delicious red chili sauce that had the right amount of heat dancing on my tongue throughout.

We also enjoyed the night life!
We hit The Matador early and got some great suggestions for dinner.
I made it clear that I was single and available, but I had no takers.  I did have some guy buy me a Campari & Soda... When we walked in and ordered, the bartender asked where we were from and once he herad Texas, Bob (maybe his real name) chimed in with "I'll buy their drinks!"  Bob and his gal turned out to be delightful company, in from Dallas.  After a nice visit (plus another Campari & soda) we headed of to dinner, where I enjoyed a fancy shrimp enchilada.  After dinner we headed to Evangelo's.
I must say it got a little wild, what with me having to forgo Campari for Amaretto on the rocks!  Then it got even wilder when Bob from Dallas walked in the door and boughtanother round!
The conversation was bustling and it was all fun & games, until Bob's ?teenth Coors Light hit and he started talking about killing all Muslims, so I suddenly announced, "My mom says I have to go home now."  Ted said, "Who can argue with his mom?" and we thanked Bob for his generosity, while slipping out the door.

The next morning I enjoyed a super tasty chile relleno omlette at the Plaza Cafe, then headed to an artsy district where we explored a few shops, galleries and outdoor dislays.

After a few purchases, we stopped at Teahouse for a delectable lunch just before hitting the road, back to El Paso.  My favorite part of that meal was the Key Lime pie which I haven't enjoyed since I went gluten-free a few years ago.  Thank you for a gluten-free crust, Teahouse!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I think it's important to explore our world and seek out new experiences.  I don't know where the new place I will visit will be, next year, but I look forward to the new adventure!

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Too Busy For Love - A Restaurant In Santa Fe

I'd love to join you for turkey shopping, but I can't. I'm busy!
You see, I'm in El Paso with my friends Ted and Eduardo.
We went to see BOOK OF MORMON at the historic Plaza Theatre last night, it was very good!

Today, Ted & I drove around enjoying the culture...
which included this place with a couple of Day of the Dead altars and Mexican hot chocolate.
We also visited a pinata store
which featured this delightful Donald Trump hittable.  We also enjoyed few tatsy meals.

Tomorrow we're heading to Santa Fe to enjoy the sites and some restaurants.   So maybe we can get together after that.

Thanks for asking, though!

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - Man Blog

So, I have this blog, (Yeah, I know blogs are dead) and the other day I wrote about how I keep a scraper "in my purse".  Well, some helpful friend thought she would help me by pointing out that I meant "Man Purse".  No, I meant "purse".  That's what it is.  Do I keep a bunch of useless crap in it?  Yeah.  Do I carry it by a handle or strap?  Yeah.  So, it's a purse!  Am I so insecure that I need to add the word "man" in front of it?  No.  The word "man" doesn't make the item any less feminine.  You know those things atop hispter guys heads?  They're buns.  Calling them "Man buns" doesn't make them any less feminine than the long "girly" hair that unfurls when they're undone, that they are.
The only thing worse than someone calling their own feminine thing "Man"-something to make it more butch, is someone else presuming to call my stuff "man"-anything!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've had to deal with hiding my true desires and minding my behavior & mannerisms to keep myself safe and alive for well over 45 years.  I've gotten to the point of not caring what labels someone is putting on me (as long as they are true).  If i'm concerned with being masculine, I'll not do, carry or wear anything feminine and I won't deny it's feminine by calling it "Man"-this.  So, sorry Miss Friend, I know you were trying to be helpful, but I don't need anyone's help in denying who I am or how I am.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - Grumpy Old Gay

I walk five blocks to work and back.  I walk to restaurants for breakfast, brunch, lunch & dinner.  I walk to my friend's house once in a while.  I can't tell you why, but it drives me nuts to see flyers or stickers advertising stuff posted on poles, posts ot trees.  I'm talking about "need a trainer?", "Got dog walker? "I clean houses" flyers or vanity stickers that say "Stupid Ass".  I tear them down or peel the sticker off and throw them in the trash.  I don't feel bad because I have the city code on my side and I hate how trashy it makes the neighborhood look.  I live in a nice city, not a college dorm!  The City of West Hollywood is not your bulletinboard!  Also, in the age of the internet, do we really need to try to gain clients with notices taped to outdoor surfaces?  Yeah, Trainer who I've never seen or met, I'm going to hire you based on the poorly worded sign I saw on a random lightpost; screw that hot muscular guy who looks like he knows what he is doing at the gym, or who popped up when I Googled "Trainer" because I wanted to pay someone to watch me bitch about working out.  One particular "Stupid Ass" doesn't like that his stickers get peeled off of traffic safety signs, or bike racks so he upgraded to an almost metalic very sticky unpeel-able sticker, while a driving service ap driver thought it would be great to wallpaper his flyer with a discount code at all the bus stops, making them very difficult to remove. I will not be outdone!  Now I carry a scaper in my purse!!  That's right!  If I press the button for the crosswalk signal and see the idiot's sticker affixed, SWOOSH! Out comes the scraper and go to town on that trashy vadalism. Sure, I coud be standing there scraping for 15 minutes, but I want to keep my city looking nice!

I'm not heartless, I leave up dead lost pet signs, even the ridiculous "lost parrot" signs that were posted every 50 feet one week.  I leave up yard sale signs until the day has passed.  I'll even leave up a sticker if it has some element of art to it.  I love street art, I just hate white paper signs and stickers that add nothing to the community other than bad marketing or vanity.
As a Gay of A Certain Age, I have embraced my Grumpy Old Gay self and will not hesitate to stop in my tracks for a few minutes to take down something that is trashy or interferes with my enjoyment of my city!  And stay off my Gay lawn!!

Friday, November 6, 2015

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - No Party Game

So, I was at four different parties this week and had a great time,
but in retrospect, it wasn't all THAT great because I didn't have any moments that
led to me getting any closer to a date.  Sure, there was a little flirting, but it never got any farther than that.  One of my issues is, I don't like to try to pick up when I'm in drag.  One reason is I know some guys have issues with the drag, which I find understandable, so I don't make any actual advances in the make-up.  Ironically, there are many a hot man who will sidle up to someone in drag to get attention and become very, very flirtatious.
I wish I knew how to parlay THIS into a date!

Another reason I don't like to pick up in drag is the absolute opposite of the last, I know there are some guys who have a fetishized interest in someone in the drag.  It's weird for me.  First, I'm very close to both of the characters I play and that would be like watching a sister have sex!  Secondly, I want to know that the guy is into ME and not the pantyhose & bra, because when those come off, It's the real me that's laying there.

While I was in drag for all of these parties, because of the timing with my show, I can't totally blame the dress.  There are a plenty of parties I go to, not in drag, where I fail miserably.  Maybe my choice in costume last year was a little too on the nose.
A self fulfilling prophecy?

I grabbed a costume from the rack and built a concept around it...  I was the Virgin Murray, who is forever wondering why he can't get laid.  I liked it because it showed my unmade-up face and was easy to remove, should anyone want to change me.  No one did.  I always strike out, even at the non-costume parties.  How do I turn, Fun Party Me into Fun Date-Getter at a Party Me?

This is Why I Am Single, when I'm out at a party, I don't seem to meet and appeal to anyone who wants to take the fun further.  When I'm in drag, I don't even try and, I must confess, when I'm at parties, I tend to hang with folks I already know.  So, I will make it my goal, in the next set of holiday parties I attend to get at least one date!  I'll be happy with a phone number that isn't the "Weather Hot Line", but I won't be successful until I get a date!

I hope I have another Gaychievement to report to you all soon!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Too Busy For Love - Survival of the Undead

Well, Halloween is over and I wasn't entirely sure I would survive!  I was very busy!
Remember those cards I crafted and promised to show you?  Just pretend!
Here are how some of them turned out

Along with taking a few days to craft cards, I also did a short CHICO'S ANGELS run

(we enjoyed a visit from TEEN WOLF's Arden Cho)

After each performance,
went to a different party

with a different costume for each one

Sometimes, two parties in one night

It was a blast, but boy, was it exhausting!
I Survived!
 I feel like I might be getting busy again soon,
so ask me out now!