Friday, July 31, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - To Thine Own Self Be Ewww

I'm hoping to start a new hashtag trend on the social medias called #SelflessFriday.
So, on every Friday we do not "like" or "heart" a selfie pic.  Listen, I love hot guys, but I need a rest from all the hot guys who love themselves!  I understand the whole promotion thing and the importance of getting likes & followers, but I can't take much more of the Instagram accounts that are 365 selfies.  Worse are the 365 accounts, all selfie, all same (lack of) expression.  Please, show us you have at least one other interest.  I no longer become a follower of those accounts and I'm slowly unfollowing the ones I have now... it's difficult because they are hot.  Maybe if we refuse to like or heart those pics on a certain day of the week, they'll get the hint and post other things, like puppy pix, breakfast shots or another hot guy.  ANYTHING, BUT A SELFIE!

This is why I am single; if I saw that someone I was interested in or, >gasp<, was interested in me, had nothing but selfies on their account, I would not, for a second, entertain the thought of embarking on a relationship with this person.  Reason number 1 is obvious: they have no interests other than themselves and I ain't gonna even bother trying to crack that shell. Two: they display an amazing lack of imagination.  I need someone who thinks outside of the Lightbox to keep me company and engaged.  These guys with all self-shots in the bathroom mirror can't think to make their feed slightly more interesting by using a mirror in another room? Or at least changing the towels?  Three:  I can imagine how difficult it's going to be spending all day with them, trying to fill their validation hole when (if) they are away from their ego-device.  Now, I'm not saying all hot guys who take selfies (a lot) are entirely narcissistic egomaniacs, I'm just saying, it'd be nice if they took a little break and focused on something else for a day. I'm still good with pics of hot guys 6 days a week!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - The Lost Language of the Gays

Ahhh, Throwback Thursday...
Here's a pic of me, probably about 10 years ago, at work, teaching some kids a thing or none about the Department of Transportation in the City of West Hollywood.  I'm faking it, because I'm not really into kids; they're typically a lot of drama and attention seekers.  I'd prefer that to come from me.  Now, as a Gay of A Certain Age, I look at the gay youth today and I judge with happy abandon.  I reel at the fact that many of them don't know about Stonewall, that they've never heard of the Village People or Armistead Maupin, and they've never had to sneak a viewing of FOR LADIES ONLY, because their parents would know they are gay.  It's true, I judge them for not knowing important gay history and landmark events.  I also find, that in my age, I have softened.  I realize that now they have so much media coming to them from every angle, appealing to their specific tastes, that it's almost impossible to expect them to know about Tales of the City or the lyrics to This Charming Man.
They don't know who or what a "friend of Dorothy" is because they've never waited an entire year to see The Wizard of Oz on T.V. and they've probably never had to use a secret language.

Maybe a large number of them have never had to be in the closet at all.  That's great and all, but I kind of miss figuring someone out by their taste in music, movies and books.  That little bit of mystery was almost always as delicious as it was frustrating.  There was a little intrigue in sneaking around to bars or bookstores- the only places you be guaranteed to find "like lusted" folks like your gay self.  How about that wonderful horror of running into someone you didn't expect to be gay, or someone you didn't want to know you were gay, followed by that delightful awkwardness?  How about the ones you always ran into at beer bust, whom you wouldn't accept as gay because they were annoying and you never approved their application for Gayhood?  A good times!

We've made great strides in the time that I've been gay and I've seen many dark times turn into rainbow fabulous days; gay marriage, gays openly serving in the military, a musical T.V. show featuring a multitude of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender characters that takes place in a high school, pink M&Ms!  While I would never trade all these great things for anything, I do miss those little quirks and traps of being a cautious gay. I wonder how younger gays will identify with each other now that they aren't forced to be corralled in ghettos and gay bars, or secret places? What will bind them together if not the fear of being discovered or the misery of losing so many friends to a disease or fighting the government to receive basic human rights?  It'll be interesting to see how the the gay world evolves. I know we aren't completely out of the woods, so I hope the new gays go for a few more tumbles in the brambles while we're still there.  There are still a few more old fashioned bonding opportunities to be had!  So, while I've softened my judgement of the young gays, I still will not have a conversation with any gay of any age who doesn't know 9 TO 5!

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - Disturbed Edition

Do you remember that movie in 1987, MANNEQUIN?  You know, the one about the guy who falls in love with a mannequin in the store window and romantic hijinx ensue?  I don't remember it that well, to be honest, but I do remember that it kicked off my mannequin fantasies!  I remember keeping a keen eye out for hot looking mannequins, not the high cheeked, pretty boy ones that abounded at the time, but the manly ones (like the one in the NY hardware store pictured above).  I liked when they had big chests and stern looks on their faces.  Eventually, that kinky turn-on turned into the idea of how neato it would be to have one as a roommate and dress him up (and steal quick hugs from...)
I never did get one because they were so expensive!  Even the ones with chipped noses and missing fingertips ran into the hundreds. Eventually,  I let go of the idea.

My fantasies have evolved from plastic men to actual men I photograph in random public places.
Those men are featured in my regular "He Don't Even Know" entries.  I think it's perfectly harmless, while some argue that I'm a creep & invade those mens' public privacy,  Now I've found something EVEN MORE harmless to the attention of my fantasies!

Meet Gabriel!
Gabriel is a synthetic male, who promises to give nothing but motionless love!
As a gay single man, with no prospects in the immediate future, might I consider getting this "man" to be my live-in lover?  Wouldn't I love to come home from a long day at work and find this waiting for me in my bedroom (with much more tasteful bedding)?  Why not?  He's got everything I could want in a motionless, emotionless mate!  Of course, I'd always be the one doing the dishes, but I wouldn't mind as long as he kept me happy in the bedroom and carpool lane!  I could just buy him and (un)dress him in anything I want and he wouldn't argue that it's too tight around the butt.
It's a few thousand dollars, but wouldn't I spend that on dinner, shows and therapy over the years, anyway?  And if I do die alone, it'll be in the arms of a really hunky thing who couldn't have possibly dialed 911 when I slipped in the tub and hit my head on the corner of the toilet tank.  I would arrange for us to be cremated together, because really, after what I'd do to this "guy", nobody would want him second hand.  although, I'd have to seriously consider what to do with him if I actually brought an actual man home... maybe I'd find out if the real guy is into three-ish ways during dinner.

Anyway, if you see me at the grocery store trying to get this big lug out of the seat of the grocery cart, be nice, ignore his lack of life and just say, "Hi boys!"
If you're not rolling your eyes at this idea or are considering getting one yourself (maybe we can go halfies and do every other weekend?)  check out the site HERE (be careful, they show you my future boyfriend's junk!)

I can't wait to go shopping for cute pajamas for him!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - Boop Yourself!

I adore "Ricardo" so much, 
especially because I imagine he's very patient with me
and not only puts up with my off-center antics, 
but also plays along!

Something that I'm sure annoys my friends 
and cute animals I know
is when I take my finger, 
place it on their nose
and say,

Ricardo is so cute, 
he doesn't flinch or say, "stop".
Sometimes he'll grab my finger and keep it there,
saying I've been caught in the "Boopinator".
Now he's taken to booping himself
before I can get a chance.
I still try to, 
then it usually turns into 
playful wrestling
where I end up at his mercy
and have no say in where he puts his finger...

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Gay Of A Certain Age - Sucking In Sucks!

It's mid-July and I've only yesterday had my first pool party experience this year.
Yes, if I'm too busy for love, I'm certainly too busy for swimming!
I'm glad I found a time to be with my friends and new people,
but to be honest, I was none-too-glad to be in a swim suit.
You know if it's a gay pool party there's gonna be some hot rockin' sex God bods,
and this party was no different.  It's intimidating.  Then I looked around.
As a Gay Of A Certain Age, it's important to note that your contemporaries are probably more
like you than not.  I was not the only not-fit body there.  Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of
the close to 50's whose bodies looked like they had just stepped off the set of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS,

but I was comforted seeing a few who weren't concerned with model like attributes and sucking in their tummies.  I didn't feel as out of place as I worried I would.
How many gatherings had I talked myself out of attending, because I was worried about how I looked or how much I weigh?  Is that why I find myself alone?
Again, I'm not having a pity party for myself, because while I could stand to hit the gym,
I'm not Gilbert Grape's mom and I'm not that guy who fed his face to the dogs on HANNIBAL.
I think sometimes I just let myself fall into the gay trap of putting myself up against the images in gay mags & porn and feel like I have nothing to offer.  I know it's not true.  I think I've learned that, exactly like the gym, getting myself there is most of the battle and I usually enjoy my time there.

So, thank you, Avery, for the invite and I'm very glad I came!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Single Perks - Photo Flirt

So doing the show as I do, I am pleased that some people enjoy the show so much,
that they stick around for pictures afterwards.  The Angels and I will come up stairs and pose for pics with enthusiastic audience members, some of which are handsome, hunky fellas.
Being single sure has its perks!  Because I don't have a man to call my own, I am free to flirt shamelessly with whom I please.  Add to that, my slutty character and I can flirt to my heart's content quite easily!
I don't know what it is about drag appeal, but I don't even have to try!  Guys will come up to me with a huge smile and grab my hands and rub them all over them.  It's very nice.  It kind of makes me forget the heels I'm wearing that pinch me like an angry Grandma in church.  Of course, I carry my little camera with me to capture the fun and "spank bank" deposits.
It's all innocent fun, I've never really hooked up with anyone who's made advances to me in my character drag... that's just something I don't think I'm ready for...
Meanwhile, I'll enjoy the tight hugs, the involuntary hand explorations and some sweet chaste kisses with no guilt whatsoever- them's the perks of being single!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Arrangements Can Be Made

I am nowhere even close to getting married,
but maybe I could be if I had somebody arrange it for me!
I don't know who I could trust to do it, except for a scientist that knows all about cloning,
because if I can't have a hot bod mother Fu@%er, then I might as well marry myself!
That's probably not going to happen.

So while I'm trying to figure out a way to arrange for my clone marriage,
here's a little something about a traditional arranged marriage... or at least wanting one.
Why I Want an Arranged Marriage

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - Resistance Is Futile

I love "Emilio" so much!
He's a real pretend caretaker, you know?
Certainly, when I think of my ideal relationship
it entails a great deal of retained independence.
What I love about "Emmi", 
is that he finds the perfect way
to be kind without infringing on my feelings of independence.
It's little things and gestures
that show his appreciation and caring.
Like getting me a lemonade on a hot day
or giving me a nice back rub after a show.
What I've learned from him
is that the best thing I do for him is
allow him to do it.
All he seems to want back is no resistance
and a nice "thank you".
Of course my "thank yous" involve
a kiss or more.
The best thing he can do, then,  is not resist and
let me thank more...

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Gay Of A Certain Age - Chica In Pains

After thirteen years of dressing up in 7 inch heels and jumping around on stage like some kind of hooker monkey, a 5 show weekend is starting to kick my butt!  Just getting through a week of full time work during the day and full length show in drag at night is almost all I can do!
As A Gay Of A Certain Age, I've come to a point where a massage is no longer a nicety, but a necessity!  I'm not talking a nice cumber water followed by a little relaxation rub, I'm talking about a deep tissue carving that would make Dwayne Johnson cry!  My upper body is taxed at my desk all day, while my legs get a beating in very high heels and choreography that includes fights and running backwards.

Previously, I'd been getting a massage about once every three months, as a (needed) treat.  I have a short list of favorites because I have limited time, if an evening is suddenly open for a massage, I go with who responds first.  Yes, I have a team of masseurs at my beck and call and they never let me down.  Then again, my short list is so short that sometimes I end up with neither of them.  If I'm aching badly enough, I'll try someone new- once in awhile it just leaves me aching more, since some turn out to be nothing more than a too careful sex ad.  I ain't no saint, but I want a massage, not a quick rub and tug.  If I'm gonna pay for sex, it's gonna be with a well vetted porn star of my choosing!
Anyway, I'm just saying, when you get older, some things aren't luxuries anymore and if you're not married to, or dating a masseur who likes to practice, you're gonna have to pony up to feel loose again.  So, save up now for your necessary massages, so you can still afford the fancy 7 inch heels!

If you wanna see the show that's wearing & tearing me up,
Click HERE

Monday, July 20, 2015

Gay of A Certain Age - No Heart is Safe!

A few weeks ago, Ginger went to that big doggie bed in the sky.
Ginger was one of the dogs I dog sit on a regular basis.  She was always at my hand ready for some heavy petting.  She was always up for getting smacked in the face with socks.  I also liked that sometimes she slept on the bed with me, sometimes she didn't- she liked to tease me.
She was old.  As a Gay of a Certain Age who dog/cat sits for a few people on a regular basis, I have to come to the realization that thems pups is aging.  It seems that as they age, they are more prone to ailments that suck.  How is it that three dogs I know have cancer?

Buck has had cancer and fought it, he is in much better shape now, but he's still shaky.

Then, there's Buck's brother, Zorro, who at the very least seemed supportive of Buck while he went through his ordeal, only to find that after Buck has had a good turn, he has an advanced cancer that was not be curable.  I he's chasing squirrels in the sky, now.

Then there's this Dummy!  Mayhem.  I specifically told him not to get oral cancer and what does he do?  He gets it.  He's only 9 years old.  I have no idea where this one is headed, but something tells me he don't even know what's going on.

I've written about how I realized that I may be a withholder and don't express my feelings for some people, or let them too close, too soon.  It is the complete opposite with animals.  I love dogs very much and I'm a puppy kiss slut.  I will happily make out with your dog after just meeting.  You don't need a degree in psychology to figure that dogs are easier to love & trust because, even if they happen to be the biggest idiots on the planet, all they want to do is love you freely and be loved in return.  They will trust, sometimes to their detriment, as if you aren't the one who stepped on them on your way to the kitchen or ignored their call to play so that you could finish the last half of MAD MEN.  Sure, sometimes they're naughty and do something they know they aren't supposed to, but there is no malice in their hearts. 

It may be twisted, but I think sometimes I go for dog love so much easier than for people love because I don't feel like I need to protect myself from them.  There's nothing a dog can do to disappoint. ...except get sick and die.  On second thought, maybe that is why I don't have a dog of my own.  I keep telling myself that is is because I have such a busy schedule (I'm even too busy for dog love?) and it wouldn't be fair to a dog that I spend so little time at home sometimes.  That's why I love to dog sit my regulars. I get to love & be loved without committing.  I suppose I do that to protect myself even from innocent, unconditional love.  I don't suppose it's working.  My heart doesn't feel very protected right now.  It aches.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Ugly Puppies

When I was a mere child my parents took me to see EARTHQUAKE in Sensurround.  Aside from being traumatized and surprised that I actually live in California after being scarred by this movie, I also remember being confused by Eva Gardner calling Lorne Greene "Daddy".  I thought they were husband and wife, seeing as how she must have been 3 years his senior.  Now, I delight in the cheesy special effects (like the splotch of Tempera Paint that is supposed to be blood after an elevator car crashes down, killing everyone inside.) and the bad acting.  I especially delight in how frightened I was by some very schlocky moments in the movie.

This Is Why I Am Single- I would rather spend the evening with friends watching really bad movies that be out on a date.  Even worse, out on a date with a guy who doesn't delight in the the goodness of bad movies.  Some of my favorites include HANDS OF FATE, TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE, SHOWGIRLS, MOLLY, GREASE 2 and a recent discovery, TIPTOES starring Gary Oldman as a small person, next to Peter Dinklage, an actual small person.  It is delightfully awful, especially in scenes where Gary Oldman sits and there are stuffed pants for his legs, (inspiring the comment of the evening, "Who's doing his legs, Build A Bear?")

There are some people who can not appreciate these gems and consider them a waste of time.  I could not possibly date a person such as this.  Too much of how I view life and relationships has been culled from my learning and patience for bad movies.  If there's one thing I must explain, it's that these movies are like ugly puppies- they try so hard to please and often fail, but you must love them for their effort.  If one can't see that in a movie, how could they see it in me?

Saturday, July 18, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - Miami Surprise

This is "Jay"!
"Jay" is gay!
We got this shirt when he surprised me with a trip to Miami!
He told me to pack for a weekend in Santa Barbara,
but when we went to LAX instead of North on the 101
I knew something was up!
Of course, he knew everything in my suitcase
wasn't appropriate for Miami,
so he prepared for a nice shopping trip.
We got this shirt because I made some crack 
about not fitting in on South Beach.
"Do I look gay enough?" I joked.

While shopping was fun, 
the better time was back at the Edison
where we tried stuff on,
and more importantly, 
where we made out like crazy
in between outfits.
Pretty soon, 
clothes were the last thing we had on
our minds.
I don't think I saw much of South Beach...

Friday, July 17, 2015

Gay Of A Certain Age - Family Plot

My Ma is in town!!  She came to see me in the show that's keeping me very busy,
It was a delight to have my Ma in town for lunches, and such, but the real treat was seeing her after the show.  She was so proud of her son in a dress.

I was also delighted by how other cast members, like Natalie Lander, Shelley Hennig and the other Angels, were gracious and kind with my Ma & my sister, Julie & her husband, Charlie.

After the show we were enjoying some flautas and flan when, before we knew it, we were discussing family business, such as burial plots.  My siblings had decided a little while back, based on options presented to my mother, that I would share a plot with my mother, since they went with the option of one full casket and two cremations.  One would be my older brother, who is currently divorced & single and myself, who is currently dying alone.

As a Gay of a Certain Age, the time to commit to a final resting place has come.  I have always intended to be cremated, so they chose right on that one.  To be honest, I always imagined that my ashes would be taken by a friend and "accidentally" spilled on my favorite porn star, Chris Rockway.
Don't scoff, I know several people who can make that happen!
So when I told my Ma about this plan she said, "That's not allowed!"  I didn't ask if she meant the releasing of my ashes into open air or the gay porn star thing...
So, it looks like I will be spending eternity with my Ma and older brother.  
I just hope that his urn doesn't kick mine when it snores.  When we were older teens, we shared bunk beds for a short time.  It was a very short time.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Blockbusters & Heart Breakers

T'is the season, so I'm sure I'm not the only casualty.  It's the time of year when I regularly fall victim to more than one friend's betrayal.  I let myself get set up and I am usually surprised by the disappointment.  Summer has become a time of blockbusters and heart breakers.  It's when all the exciting movies come out and everyone starts chalking up the list of their must sees and whom they must see them with.   Some have their horror friends, others have their RomCom friends and very few have their Sandler friends (I have none of those).  Unfortunately, despite their excitement for the perfect movie/friend pairing, something sinister tends to happen.  This year, the most notable occurrence came when a friend said the dreaded words, "Let's see JURASSIC WORLD together.  Save it for me and we'll see it when I get back in town.  Promise me!"  So I promised.  I even rebuffed the advances of another friend who offered a free screening of the dino pic.  "No, " I said wringing all the martyrdom I could out of the word, "I'm saving that viewing for Unidentified Friend, but, thank you."  Then, a mere hour after the free screening started I got the phone call, "Yeah, sorry. I really had to see it with my brother. There were no other choices.  We couldn't have gone to the Pinball Hall of Fame, zip lining, a casino, shopping mall, a whorehouse or coffee for a good brotherly talk, we HAD to go see it. Sowwy."

I fall for it every time!  It got to the point where, two years ago, I attempted the Summer Of No Saving.  I saved no movie for anyone!  I watched movies as they came, as I pleased, with no guilt!  Then, I got worn down again and there I was, sitting in the theatre on the first showing of Sunday morning, with only two other people in the theater.  I was waiting for the exciting previews of up coming movies when I remembered that I LOVE coming to the movies alone!  I love to sit and become engrossed in whatever I'm watching.  When I'm alone, I don't have to worry about someone talking to me during the movie, or feeling like I have to pretend I don't see them when they look over at me to see how I'm reacting.  I don't have to worry if they are hating something I'm really enjoying.  I can have the tub of caramel corn all to myself (at Arclight only)!  I can stay for the entire roll of credits without worrying that someone else has somewhere to be or is just bored.  I can cry if I want! Best of all, I can flirt with the usher to my cock's content!  I usually go to the first showing of the day because I am so terribly busy, sometimes I forego a movie if it starts too late in the morning and I feel it would cut my day in half.  I can decide on a whim whether or not I'm going because I don't have to consult anyone else!

This Is Why I Am Single; because in a world where there are silver screens, silence is golden!
Don't get me wrong, I really love group movie day and the company of a friend is always enjoyed, but there are few things I enjoy doing alone, other than going to the movies.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - Before I Knew It...

I can't tell you how long I've been in love with "Alfonso", 
because time has no meaning when I'm with him!
This year he said to me that he hoped I wasn't
angry with him because he'd be dancing on a float
in the Gay Pride Parade
in a skimpy G-string.
I said,
"Fonsy, I couldn't possibly be angry or jealous,
you have a lot to be proud of!
I want to you to dance so that they can 
feel it all the way in Ecuador!"
And before I knew it,
I was naked in his arms
 and he was kissing me all over!
See? Time has no meaning...

Monday, July 13, 2015

The Trials of Man Solo - If It Could Happen To Lucy...

Once again, I'm thinking in literal terms of the name of my blog.  I pass by a number of homeless folk as I walk to & from work.  Most of them are clearly victims of their various addictions.  It seems that they'll all be around and little by little, they'll disappear until one day at the end of the month, they all reappear.  I assume that has something to do with the shelter system and funding, which leads to a release into the wilds of West Hollywood.  Sometimes I wonder about their lives prior to being in their present situation and how close am I to becoming one of them.
Sure, right now I have a good, steady job and a great group of friends.  I don't do drugs and I rarely enjoy the hooch anymore.  What if I did something really stupid and lost my job?  How long would I last on my limited savings?  How long would I rely on the kindness of friends before I felt like a burden?  What would it take to get me out on the street, to where I leave shelter, or felt I had no where to go?  If I wasn't insane when I decided to take on the street, would I be out so long that it would drive me insane?  How long could I keep track of my limited belongings?  What would be of value to me as a possession?  Would I hold on to practical things or things with sentimental value? Would I keep a few Dunnys rather than a few cans of tuna?

Actually, it is very hard for me to imagine the situation that would take me away from my job, family and  friends - maybe it's an illness.  Maybe I can't work and none of my friends is able to care for me and my family is far away (Is Texas far from California?)   Anyway, such are the Trials of Man Solo; wondering how he would survive without that promise from someone that they'll stay by his side until death do them part, should something catastrophic occur.  It would be nice to have that little added feeling of security, knowing he's not in alone, that there's someone between the street and him.
My feeling is that there's no guarantee that they'd stay if things go that bad, but at least there would be a chance.  So, until I find my loving Street Buffer, I will try not to do anything stupid to lose my job, I'll try not to be a miserable grump and alienate my friends & family, I'll try to stay healthy and I will always keep the thought of Lucille Ball in STONE PILLOW in my mind to remind me that even pretend homelessness is awful.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

S'up Muh DABs? - COMIC CONgratulations!

Well, it looks like I lost two DABs this weekend.  No, it looks like Billy and Barry will not be dying alone.  Barry proposed to Billy in front of a huge crowd at Comic Con on the 10th.
Billy & Barry are two sweet fellas that go nice together, so it's not a big surprise.
A huge CONGRATULATIONS goes out to them from me!
(I hope they continue to visit my blog (presumptuous, I know!))

If you would look to see it all go down, you can watch it HERE <--- click that!

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Too Busy For Love! - BBQ Wings!

Golly Gosh!  I'd love to go to that gay film festival with you, but I can't!
You see, right now I should be writing my material and practicing my songs for a performance as Reba Areba tonight at SADDLE UP L.A.!
Actually, that should have happened earlier this week, but I've been so busy!
And there will be actual performer/entertainers there, so people will know... you know?

I know that gay actor who's in all the gay movies is going to be there, but I can't go tomorrow either, because we're going full steam on rehearsals every night and open on Thursday!

I'll be playing Frieda Laye, again, in this five week run.  I'm thrilled we got a nice hunk, a funny detective and a neato guest-star to join us this time around...
Maybe I can do something in August...

Meanwhile, if you wanna catch the show get TIX <----click that!

Thursday, July 9, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Re-toucha Toucha Touch Me!

I've not really been one to put a whole lot of worth in my physical appearance.
Sure I've whined about how I wish I could get myself to the gym, but I never thought that it made me unworthy of love. I knew it meant I have to work harder to get some attention.  I know I have more to offer that has not much to do with the size of my chest, belly or junk.
Don't get me wrong, I've met plenty of HOT ROCKING BOD HOT MUTHER F'ers who are perfectly nice and well rounded, good men.  I mean to say that it takes more than just a perfect body to make a perfect partner and one should not dismiss others simply because they don't have the ideal physique. This Is Why I Am Single; It's a little hard getting a HOT ROCKING BOD HOT MUTHER F'er feel that way about me!  I'm mostly kidding, but it is true that sometimes I do fall into that trap of dismissing someone in favor of the shiny hunk, in hopes that he has a super personality and doesn't care that I'm not Thor's twin.  Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I was presented with someone who saw me as Thor's twin and thought I had a great personality. Would I explode?

I do enjoy when I find someone who thinks similarly and writes about it, spreading the message.
Read David Artavia's  take on it HERE

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

He Don't Even Know! - DMY (Do Me Yourself)

Hey, "Kevin"!
I love imaginary Kevin
because he cares for me in some ways
more than I do myself!
I'm the worst at getting myself
to the gym & working out.
Kev likes to treat me like a project
and he's working it, good.
He gets me breathing heavily 
and sweaty in no time at all.
But my absolute favorite part is when he
stretches me.
He gives me a nice stretch.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Trials of Man Solo - Getting Smog Testy

So, because of a series of age induced incidents involving my car's health,
I had to leave it at the shop for the full day, leaving me to find alternate transport to work and back at the end of the day.  I have a bus card, so that was my option of choice.  Because I had no patience for an unknown bus schedule, I decided not to stand and wait, so I walked from Franklin Ave to Santa Monica Boulevard- a good 15 minute walk if a brisk pace is kept.  Once I got a bus on Santa Monica, it was pretty easy and I was dropped off right in front of my work place.
At the end of the day, I did the same thing in reverse.  I walked from Santa Monica to Franklin again, because I had no idea when there would be a bus and I wanted to be sure to get there before they closed.  Of course, after arriving and waiting about 20 minutes, and they were almost done, another problem came to light.  My car would have to spend the night.  The shop hadn't called me to say my car was ready, I  assumed it would be ready by the end of the day and it almost was.  So there I was stranded, exhausted, with no one to blame, but myself.  I also had no one to call.
Please don't say, "Call a friend... Call Uber..."  I know I could have made those calls, but instead I decided to sit and wait however long it would be for a freakin' bus to come down Highland.
It took at least 20.  I sat and played Soda Crush feeling a little sorry for myself.  It was just one of those little moments when I thought, "Golly, it sure would be nice if I could just call my boyfriend and say,'Honey, come pick me up.'"  ...But I don't.

Such are the Trials of Man Solo; when unexpected inconveniences arise, we have to deal with them on our own.   I don't mean this to sound like I sat on a bus bench crying into my iPad, it was just a little thought and a little twinge, and I certainly wouldn't jump into a relationship, just so I would have someone to pick me up on short notice.   In actuality, had I warned a friend that I might be calling for a ride, I might have been more inclined to call someone and inconvenience them for a ride.  Also, I don't want to surrender to Uber or Lyft, just yet.  So there I am, sitting on that bench for half an hour, waiting for a bus that seems to never be arriving and it could have been sad, except that I had my Soda Crush and a great view of the guy still repairing my car, whom I was crushing on on Tuesday.   I might have felt guilty if I had a boyfriend...

DISCLAIMER: My crush is not the fella pictured above. (I wouldn't say no, though)

Sunday, July 5, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Fizzleworks!

So, yesterday was the 4th of July and I enjoyed a few good times with friends.
First up was a mandatory viewing of 
which did not disappoint.
It was a simple movie with one simple goal;
make you smile.
It worked on me 
and I really appreciated
that the highest stakes in this movie 
were whether or not the guys would have a good time.

That was followed up by a 4th/Birthday
celebration cook out.
I took some fun pics.

Finally, I joined a few friends for a view of fireworks
all over the city
from Runyon Canyon.
Unfortunately, we were busted by the rangers
and forced to leave.
Sure, things didn't go as planned, 
but it was still a good time.

It wasn't until today,
when I was posting & tagging pics
from the cook out that a little drama arose.
There were two guys there who had recently broken up
and being in photos together was painful for them
so I went back and removed the pics with them sharing a frame.

Sometimes your holiday doesn't go as planned,
as evidenced by the pic above,
where a giant gust of wind knocked over 
the table with all of our prepared food on it
a few years ago.
And while that was a little horror on it's own, 
I've never experienced the pain of sharing mutual friends with an ex
for the holiday.

This is why I am single-
or at least, not looking among my friends acquaintances 
for future mates.
4th of July,
among other holidays,
would probably suck if I had to go to my good friends' home
just to be reminded of the love that wasn't to be.
I didn't mind taking down the pics,
I just felt for the wounded parties
and hope that they recover from it soon.
No one likes to feel that ickiness.

Anyway, the whole thing reminded me of one of my favorite songs:
Sometimes,  a holiday is all your relationship has going for it...

Friday, July 3, 2015

He Don't Even Know - Can That Boy Fox Trot

I love "Edgar" so much!
Edgar is a dancer
and I literally imagine he caught my eye
when I went to see my good friend
in a bad show.
The performances we pretty good, 
but the show was so badly put together
you could see embarrassment
in everybody's eyes on stage.
Except in Edgar's!
He didn't have any lines
and didn't sing a note,
but he was dancing like he was on the biggest 
stage on Broadway.
While the other dancers on stage gave just enough,
Edgar was selling his moves
as if there were a multimillion dollar bidding war for them on eBay!

After the show,
as I was congratulating/consoling my friend,
Edgar passed by and I said,
"you were great!"
and it came out like I really really meant it
(which I did)
which was more than I meant to reveal.
Edgar smiled shyly and said,
"Thanks.  I like your stuff, too."
I was thrown off and got all shaky,
and gave what I'll assume was a shy smile and said thanks.
I never imagined he'd seen me do anything.
"You're funny," he continued.
"Aww, well, that's easy, I could never dance like you,"
I countered.
"Sure you could.  I'll show you."

Edgar took me back to his place where we shared a late drink
and he showed me moves
I'd never seen before.
He taught me I had a rhythm I never knew I had.
It was so exciting,
even though we never got around to dancing!

Thursday, July 2, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Late Dinner

I had rehearsal tonight in Burbank and I don't work tomorrow.  We finished just before 10:00, and it occurred to me that I could drop by the Bullet Bar on the way home for a drink and perhaps meet the man who would be my husband, instead I went directly home to watch HANNIBAL.  It's a show about Dr. Hannibal Lechter, the character from the Thomas Harris novels/movies RED DRAGON, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS and HANNIBAL.  It's a beautifully produced show about a dreamlike multi-layered cat & mouse game that keeps you guessing, even though you (think you) know the eventual outcome.

This Is Why I Am Single; I'd rather come home and watch a beautiful & bloody television show, than stand amongst potential suitors.  Then again, what if a Jeffrey Dahmer type is at the bar and I was saved from a serial killer by a serial killer?  That's awesome!  Thanks, Hannibal!

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Too Busy For Love -Taco Angel Horse

Yep, it's happening still,
Drag Season is dragging on into July, so I can't join you at the local lake for
a fancy fireworks display.  You see, I'm rehearsing for two shows at once.
First up is TACO KISSES
on July 3.  I'm doing three quick numbers as Frieda Laye with Chita Parol, who 
has choreographed a little something for me to stumble to.  Maybe if we weren't performing the same moves simultaneously, it wouldn't be so obvious when I mess up.  Yeah, I'm fairly certain I'm gonna mess up.  

Then I'm gearing up for SADDLE UP
On July 11.  This is a fundraiser for LIFE GROUP L.A. and I will be attending as Reba Areba. I'm looking forward to performing, but I'm more looking forward to enjoying some BBQ!  I hope I'm not expected to ride a horse... Reba has a donkey, and she wouldn't want him getting jealous.

It all leads up to the July 16th opening of Chico's Angels' summer run
of CHICAS IN CHAINS.  So, for five weeks, I'll be cha cha heeling the boards during the most fun hours of the week.  That means I can't go see all the great movies opening, or shows touring or great parties.  Thanks for asking, though!

If you wanna see any of these shows, or go hoseback riding & enjoy BBQ, you can get tickets here:

The first two Saturday nights are sold out... so don't be waiting, buy these tix soon!