We opened WAIKIKI ANGELS this week, ready or not, and I don't remember ever feeling this beat up by the show. Sure, I'm working a full time job with some nIghttime meetings in addition to rehearsing and performing, but Cripes, this is bad. I'm exhausted and looked forward to sleeping in today, but I was up most of the night with what felt like a steady stream of lava flowing through my throat, stomach and intestines. What could I have eaten? So here I am, caverned off in my apartment, grateful that I don't have to leave until 6:30 tonight. I'm drinking a bunch of Kava tea to settle my stomach and I'm not sure what I should eat for lunch, if anything. I'm having a blast doing the show, but my body doesn't feel the way it did when we started doing this 13 years ago.
Also, I didn't lose any weight, so our hunk, Duke, is still tasked with lifting this earthbound angel. As a Gay of A Certain Age, I'm realizing that as much as I heard it over and over again that my body is my instrument and I should keep it in shape to perform as it needs to, I don't think I ever really paid much attention to that. I guess I was thinking as long as I have my wits, I'll be alright. Well, my wits haven't stopped me from feeling like I have been hit by a truck. So as I rest today (2 shows tomorrow) I will contemplate at least stretching before tonight's performance.
Meanwhile, take a look at some of the fab folk who came to see us last night.
I try not to look in the mirror too much, because when I do I always find something else! Remember the time I found a gray pubey? And the gray in my beard and on my head has been around for quite a while. Then, I was playing with my nipples in the mirror as I often do, when I suddenly spied my first gray chest hairs!
Can you see them? They're RIGHT THERE! Click the picture to make it larger and you'll see! Alright, I'm not typically a "I'm getting old" whiner, but the last solid black patch on me is gone. The thing is, I'm not attracting anyone anyway, so I'm not saying I feel less attractive. I guess I'm just saying that there're always little reminders that life is moving forward, whether you're ready or not, so jump on board! Do what you want to do, see what you want to see and do a push up or twenty! Jeeeze! What does it matter, anyway? I'm probably going to have to buzz those gray fuckers right off for the show this weekend. I'm trying to keep all my costumes above the collarbone so that I don't have to lose my chest hair, but something tells me I didn't think everything through and I'm gonna have to bid them "Adios" and fret about them three to four weeks later.
As a Gay of A Certain Age, I guess I'm just going to have to get used to seeing colorless hairs crop up in all of my Gray Gardens, they are no longer an event.
"I'd like to propose a toast! Here's to the ladies who lunch...alone."
That's how the song would go if Stephen Sondheim had gone the other direction with COMPANY.
I'll tell you, right now, being busy with rehearsals, work, and keeping in touch with friends, I am so happy being single right now. I can't imagine squeezing someone else's needs in with mine. Sure, my ideal mate would know to practice his independence and allow me to have mine and we'd co-exist with each other in close proximity without having to entangle for a few days, but I haven't found that, yet. I'm not saying I don't want to care about anyone, ever, and that I see a mate as some co-dependent appendage hellbent on keeping me from doing the things I need to do, the way I want to do them. I'm just saying that it's nice not to worry about someone else on top of everything else. Even if I did have an understanding mate, I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy my freedom with them, because I'd feel guilty for being apart. BUT I don't have to worry!!
As if my busy schedule and activities weren't enough to keep me buoyant, there's THIS!
A little something to support my non-guilt for not feeling guilty!
Don't worry, I Checked it out and VICE is not a parody publication
I've been so busy watching T.V., going to shows, editing photos and performing, that I almost forgot I had a run in! Back in June I tweeted, "If you're celebrating #StraightPrideDay, you're the reason we still need a Gay Pride Day". Then I got this response & exchange...
(Click it to make it bigger)
What an ass. My first response was going to be "No, you should be ashamed of your attitude." but I thought I'd engage for a sec (Granted that sec was over the span of a few days, because I wasn't all that concerned with his opinion...) His ignorance and arrogance are astounding, but how great it must be that your greatest struggle in life is figuring out the next snarky comment your gonna make.
There isn't enough space on Twitter to respond with as much information that I wanted to give him, so I had to boil my answer down to "in essence, yes" in my response to his baiting question. I wanted to explain to him that while I do not see myself as a victim, many LGBTQ people are victims of discrimination, abuse and violence simply because of who they are. If he is actually straight, he has probably never had to face any bullying based on his sexual interest in girls; he probably never had to hide his feelings for the opposite sex for fear of losing his family, job or home; he probably never felt the deep sorrow for fellow heterosexuals who we gunned down, strung up on a fence or thrown off of a towering roof because of their sexuality. It seems his only torment has been trying to find someone to tell him what he should feel guilty about, so that he can deny it. When he, and people like him, see a Gay Pride Parade, all they see is the flaunting, gyrating and debauchery of fags, dykes, trannies and impossibly muscled hot fuckers in Speedos. They don't see the group of people who are rejoicing and singing in the sunlight they they had been denied in their closets, where they were once forced to hide. They don't see the people who love as God made them, shouting to those others still living in fear of being as God made them to COME OUT! WE ARE HERE! WE WELCOME YOU! BE TRUE TO YOURSELF! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! He, and others like him, see this as a threat, because we are no longer hiding in the shadows, trying to find love in dark corners, alleyways and impossibly steeply cover-charged out-of-the-way clubs with over-priced drinks and impossibly muscled hot bartenders. He does not like seeing the numbers of us there in the street, because it makes it harder for him to squelch us, marginalize us or bully us.
Hopefully, my final comment to him will sink in a little and he can try to see things from other points of view. As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know it's not his fault he was born white, with no apparent struggles that he's needed to over come and ignorant to issues that do not affect him personally; someone who takes for granted how easy it is when you don't have to hide who you are; who doesn't realize that every day is Straight Pride Day. However, it is his fault he trolls social media bullying people, trying to get people to attack him... all I need say is this, which I found on the Interwebs:
AND, lest you feel I have not flaunted enough, here is how I spent my Gay Pride Day-
When I started with CHICO'S ANGELS 13 years ago, as Bossman ( a guy), I had no idea that this many years later, we'd still be going- getting ready to open our 5th full length stage show. I've had a blast. I do remember making a joke, once while rehearsing one of many revivals of a previous episode, something about doing the show at 50 years old, in heels. Well, I turn 49 in 2 months and I think we are far from over. I'm just hoping our movie happens sometime soon, 'cause really...13 years!
One of my favorite things about the show is that while the core cast stays the same, we have a revolving list of hunks who agree to remove their shirts and play with us. For the most part, they've been sweethearts! Usually they're hot guys who, despite their trepidation, end up having a great time and a theater credit. Not all of them have been actors, per se, but they've been great sports. We usually have a new one each time around, to give the audience something new when the show, itself is on its 10th year. Once in awhile, we'll find a hunk that is willing to play a little bit longer. Duke Shoman is one of those. He was a treat to work with in Chico's Angels 2 and now is returning for episode 5. I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM!
You see, there's a scene where he saves me from the raging undertow of Waikiki. He has to lift me. I know he's a super hunk and all muscly & such, but I just worry that I'll be too heavy and he'll slip a disc or rip a bicep during the show. Didn't see it coming did you? This is another "Wah Wah Wah, I'm Fat" entry! Ha Ha! I know, it wasn't long ago that I made my vow to look as good as my friend, Geoff when I reenact his photo by my 50th birthday, but now, I have someone else's safety to think of. So if I'm not going to lose weight for my health, or feel more attractive, at least I can do it so that Duke doesn't get a hernia on opening night, right? I'm not looking to transform into Twiggy, just lose 5 to 10 pounds so I'm not so hefty. I don't wanna hurt our hunk!