Sunday, April 30, 2017

Too Busy For Love - DragCon Day One


Day 2, I'll just have to bring a stick!  ...To beat them off!

Friday, April 28, 2017

Too Busy For Love - Drag Season 2017

Drag season is upon us, again!  I'd love to go see that movie with the cars on a submarine with you and talk about it as we bask in the afterglow and guilt of sex, but I'm too busy!!

Tonight, My friends Geoffy and Bossman and I are going to the Mark Taper Forum to see a play!

If I can trust a co-worker, ARCHDUKE will be a fun time.  

But I can't stay out late!  I have to get up early, apply some slap, slip on a dress and get to Ru Paul's Dragcon 2017!

I'll be handing out free condoms and talking about PrEP (if I read that info they sent me) on Saturday and Sunday.

Then, the weekend after, I'm doing color commentary for the Drag Queen World Series.
This year it's the West Hollywood Cheerleaders Vs The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence!
Actually, every year it's the West Hollywood Cheerleaders Vs The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, but it's for charity, so Yay, teams!

Then a mere three nights later, I will be appearing in a Cabaret as Reba Areba.

May 9th, I join Mimi von Schack on stage at the Casita Del Campo, doing a little song and very little dance.  Julianne St Germaine's show will be a fun time!!

Then before I know it, I'll be rehearsing and performing in Chico's Angels new Variety Hour, which turns out to be a live "clip show" (You know, like when sit-coms ran out of ideas and did, "Remember when..." + clip as an episode?  This is that, but with us performing numbers from our previous shows) but don't fret, there's a few surprises in there, too!

So, while it would be nice for us to grab a coffee and I tell you all about my New York adventure, I'm too busy for love!

Friday, April 21, 2017

He Don't Even Know - ReLAX

There are worse things
than sitting around an airport
for a few hours.

Gay of A Certain Age - Dreams of the Tardy

Yay!! I'm in New York! ...but barely!

You see, I had to work 'til 10:30 Wednesday night and usually the excitement of traveling is enough to send me bounding out of bed a minute before the alarm goes off.  Not this time.  I awoke horrified that I woke up at 4:00 am with the alarm, shut it off and fell back to sleep!  I'm an hour late!  I had packed five hours earlier... I decided I wasn't so stinky so I skipped the shower, splashed here and there, dressed and dashed out of the apartment a little before 6:00AM, with the plane boarding at 7:00AM.  Would I have enough time to get to LAX from West Hollywood, park in lot C and wait for the shuttle to take me to terminal 3?  Only an exciting adventure would tell!  I jumped in my car, with hope as my co-pilot.

Amazingly, only steps away from security, which would be a breeze, because I'm TSA pre-checked and I still have 20 minutes to boarding time!  That's when I realized I didn't have my phone!  I knew I had it with me a few minutes ago when I was on the shuttle, anxiously checking the time.  Then I realized that, because I left the apartment in such a flurry, my carry-on was a mess and I had to organize a little on the shuttle on the way to terminal 3, maybe it's at the bottom of the bag.  I completely emptied the back hoping it was lying at the bottom... I left it on the seat!!

I ran back outside, hoping the time I spent walking in, panicking about my phone, emptying & repacking my bag, and running back outside was enough time for the shuttle to have gone around... but after stopping three of them with no luck, I realized that my phone was probably gone for good. ..or maybe not?  I had to decide if I was going to give up on my phone and jump on the plane and face a weekend away from home without a phone or get to NY with a chance of catching GROUNDHOG DAY THE MUSICAL.  ...But I wouldn't be able to Instagram the picture of the Playbill!  Such a dilemma! I chose to let the phone go and be brave in NY without it.

By the time I got to the gate, boarding had begun.  I stopped and asked the lady at the desk which group was boarding and it suddenly occurred to me that I had that Find Your Phone app on my iPad!
I opened it up, with the help of free LAX wifi, and saw this
Well look!  There it is just sitting at terminal 1, probably the lost and found!  I asked the desk lady about the possibility of getting a later flight.  She put me on stand-by for 10:30 and a for sursies at 3:45.  She added, "You can't leave without your phone if you know where it is."  And she was right!  I let go of the groundhog and made my way to Terminal 1 (on foot. I gots time!) to retrieve my phone.  When I got between Terminals 2 & 1, the wifi cut out.  When I got close enough to Terminal 1, the wifi kicked in.  I refreshed and the phone thingy was no longer waiting for me at Terminal 1!  It was behind me at Terminal 4!  That's when I realized I had to keep refreshing the damned thing and that my phone was still on one of the many shuttles going around!  It's not like the movies, where a nice little continuous dot moves smoothly in real time, this was a spotty mess!

I did not give in to despair.  I hunkered down and did my best detective work!  And I put 5,000+ steps on my fitbit!  It's not as easy as it seems because, what you don't see on this app are the ten other shuttles, some very close together and ones that wouldn't stop if they didn't have anyone to drop off, all which are very hard to track with spotty wifi availability and slow refresh.  I did it!  I finally got my phone and rode the shuttle back to Terminal 3.  Where a sat for a couple of hours watching this.

I was fortunate to get on the 10:30 flight, almost sure that the person whose place I took would bust down that closed door and yell, "I'm here! Get out! It's my seat!"  That didn't happen.  I got the last seat- the middle seat in the last row; you know, the ones that don't lean back...  I couldn't complain! I was headed to New York!  I guess the adrenaline of my adventure wore off as soon as I hit my seat, also I was up at 5:00am and chased shuttles on foot for a while... I fell asleep pretty quickly.

I had an unusual awakening... I was half awake, but could swear I was in bed with my hunky boyfriend.  I could feel him next to me, our legs and shoulders touching.  I awakened, but didn't open my eyes, I figured out what was going on; I was making contact with the guy in the seat next to me. It felt so nice! He was sleeping; I could tell by the way he was breathing and how his torso was slowly moving up & down, brushing against my shoulder with each breath.  I felt his thigh right up against mine.  It was warm.  It felt thick and solid; I'm guessing I knew that from the way energy seemed to be moving between us, the way it flowed.  That was not a skinny, meager thigh next to mine.  There I sat on the plane, awake, but with my eyes closed, taking in a magical moment; the feeling of physical contact. 
Sometimes, when I have actually been lying naked in bed with a man, just lying there next to each other with our bodies touching has been as enjoyable as the tumbling around, maybe more.  So I sat, eyes closed, taking it in as our shoulders moved in unison, breathing together wondering if this is what I wanted more of; wanting a relationship, or if I'm good for a bit now...

I finally opened my eyes and surveyed the thigh
Not bad, but the moment was much better with eyes closed.  I dared not look at his face, for fear of him waking up at the moment and wonder WTF then punch me or worse, ruin it by not even noticing that I wondered what he looked like.  Of course, you know I snuck a pic!

But you should also know, I enjoy the mystery more. 

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I don't need to know what he looks like (I do know), because in that brief moment, he was anything I wanted him to be.  This time he was my boyfriend, traveling to New York with me, where we would enjoy the weekend and I wouldn't look at my phone once. 

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - The Anti-Christian

Gentle reader, you know what kind of person I am by now, right?

I am not a big fan of organized religion, but I do appreciate some aspects of the religions, especially the ones about charity and giving. Lord knows I've gladly done my share of benefits & shows for charity. I like supporting my friends in the rides and walks and runs and pageants and tournaments, so I think I've earned the right to this post...

So one Wednesday night, when I could have been home, not working out or doing anything productive, I went to a charity Bingo Game with proceeds going to Ability First and hosted by drag queens. I know... Drag Queens- ugh! But this was Roxy Wood and Willam Belli!

They are nice drag queens!  (Not many people know that Willam donated a chunk of his spleen to help me in a life saving operation)  Also, Jordan Ladd was a guest ball caller.  I did a scene in a movie Jordan was in called DOG GONE LOVE
But my scene was cut out, of course (It was a fun scene where I did water ballet at a Halloween party! Thank you, John Cantwell!).  Much to my surprise, Jordan did not remember me personally.  She might not have been on location where we shot the party, but still, come on!  Anyway, she was very nice and adorable as a ball caller.

Then we got to the extra money raising part of the night - The Auction.  I'll always bid on something at a charity auction.  Also I think I've made it my silent mission to start with an opening bid that goes on more than 30 seconds in silence.  Sure, I've ended up with stuff I didn't particularly want by starting bids, but it's for charity and I feel relieved for whomever is calling the auction. ( I think my traumatic experience as a bachelor in a bachelor auction has a lot to do with this feeling.)  I did a few opening bids ( I did end up with an item I wasn't really excited about, but it's for charity, right?)  Suddenly there was a basket I was really interested in; a basket of Andrew Christian underwear.  Underwear? I love underwear!  I must confess that most of the underwear I have is not really brand specific and was bought on sale.  Butt, if I do like a pair, I'll go back and get more at regular price. 
 I started the opening bid.  Someone else bid against me.  We got past part where I felt like I was gonna get a real bargain.  To be sure, there were other items in the basket that were not actually underwear, but I was after the undies!  We got past $100, definitely more than I'd pay for underwear, sight unseen- but I kept going...
I finally won the basket!  

When the basket was brought to me, I was immediately crestfallen. Among all the booty, there pressed up against the plastic that was holding the basket together was a label marked XS.  I looked at the guy running the event and he said, "Don't worry, you can go in and exchange the sizes."  Of course, I can.  Why would that worry me?  So I got home, unwrapped the basket and I excitedly went through the underwear- 8 pair, two in each size.  I thought I'd try on a pair of the large to see if that style ran small and would fit me nicely.  It didn't, it was actually large.  Also in the basket was a book, a calendar (Too late! Y'all know I gots my Colt Mens calendar already hanging behind my shirts in my closet!), two floral caps with metal plates declaring, "Hot Bottom". Not necessarily my style, but again, I was in it for the underwear.  Then, 2 days later I went to the West Hollywood store to exchange the sizes, except for the large pair I tried on, because "ewww".  It's just not healthy.

I've posted the following review on Google and the Andrew Christian Facebook page: 

I bid on a basket at a charity event. I was excited about the underwear. After a little bidding war, I won the basket, but when I got it, there were 2 pair in every size. I was disappointed because I bid so much for what turned out to be 2 pair that I could wear. at my disappointment, I was told I could go in and exchange the sizes. I was given Drew's name, in case there were any problems. It's a simple exchange of sizes, what problems could there be? Meet Shawn/Sean/Schaun: The least friendly/helpful person to ever stand behind a cash register. I walked into the West Hollywood store, explained the situation and was immediately told, "No. We don't do that." Problem. I asked if Drew was available and It shot back, "He's at corporate. You'd have to call him." I stood there for a second. I supposed I expected that It would give me a number to call. No, It just stood there and watched while I Googled the Andrew Christian Underwear Corporate number on my phone. Thinking I'd found help, I asked for Drew. The girl on the phone said he was gone for the weekend. I explained my situation, as It watched, and she put me on hold. A good time later another woman comes on and asked if ? was texting with It. I said I don't know. Then she asked for It. I told It she wanted to speak to him, THEN, he picked up the store phone and instructed me to tell he he was calling on the store phone as he left the room. It returned and said in the most snotty tone, "Yeah, sorry. Whatever's in the basket is whatever you get. HAVE NICE DAY." I suppose someone would donate their product to a charity event so that people may try it and perhaps return to buy more. After such poor customer service, anti-customer policies and this snotty reason that America hates gays running the store, I'm fairly certain I will not return and will encourage others to avoid the store as well.

At this point, my rage is not about the event, or the basket or even the underwear anymore.  I'm furious with the horrible customer service (is it unreasonable for me to request an equal exchange of sizes?)  and the treatment I received from that awful person they have running their store.  Honestly, I would have dropped the whole thing and chalked it up to more stuff I got at charity auctions that I don't really want IF he had just been kind.  Maybe I'd feel better about it if the second confused person on the phone had explained to me why this exchange would be a direct violation of their policy, rather than hanging up on me and having him leave the room to talk, then return with a snottier attitude... Anyway, immediately I was so enraged by the whole episode that I made it my mission to DESTROY ANDREW CHRISTIAN UNDERWEAR because of their unwillingness to help me remedy my small issue and because they employ ICKY PEOPLE to do their evil bidding.  

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've been involved with enough charity events to know that if you're donating an item to an event it is because it's a great way to have people try your product and hopefully have them enjoy it enough to return to you for more, ideally at full retail.  Why you would make it difficult for them to enjoy your wares after, is totally beyond me.  All this experience with AC underwear has left me with is disappointment and rage.  So, knowing how Andrew Christian treats people both as customers and in person is certainly enough for me not to return.  It's enough for me to warn people that if you have an issue with this company, you will not get help and you'll probably be humiliated for even trying.

Also, I'm old enough to know that I'm not going to get any action wearing this stupid cap! 
(Is it REALLY 'cause of the cap?)

Sunday, April 2, 2017

He Don't Even Know! - Get the Message

This is "Eddie".
He likes to take me to the park
to get me out of the house.
To show him my appreciation, 
I texted him this poem:

Sheets back up
pillow cool again
caffeine down
lips sticky
with jam

a day in the park
breathing fresh love
strawberry kisses
warm ams
held in the sun

alone together
tingles between us
words in your eyes
blossom in my chest

Put down the phone 
Kiss me, fucker!