Well, here it is! My Recreate Geoff at 50 Project has come to an end and I share the results with you now.
First, I said, “I CHALLENGE myself to recreate this photo on my 50th
birthday. Also, knowing me, I will stipulate that I MUST have a body, fit
like Geoff's, not just the one I have now.” Well, I don’t know how well I actually did on
the “fit like him” portion, but I did lose 20 pounds painlessly. WTF do I mean by “painlessly”? I did it by not eating so much crap, eating
smaller portions and walking more. I had
a brief flirtation with the gym, but I took a trip to New York, then hit my
busy schedule of full time work and Chico’s Angels and other “Too busy for gym
love” crap, that I fell off that wagon, again.
Still, I have managed to keep it off- (although Thanksgiving &
Christmas scare me).
I said I would do it ON my fiftieth birthday.
I don’t think I knew then, that I would be on a trip to New Zealand and
Australia, so I delayed that recreating as few days until I had more control of
my environment; as I wanted it to look as much like Geoff’s original photo as
possible. Then, I had no idea that telling
y’alls about my birthday trip would take over a month… So finally here it is.
One more excuse, note, getting the camera at the correct angle (stacking chairs
& boxes to get it right), clicking the button, running and getting in place and
posing (while neked, with the blinds open enough for arrant neighbors to get a
gander) in the short ten second period was difficult! (but fun!)
Here it is!!
The Original Geoff shot
I guess, my pose is a little more balletic than "guy sleeping", but I only had 10 second to get from camera, in bed, place sheet just so and pose. I'm pleased that I don't look as tubby as I did when I first made the challenge, and while I didn't reach "Geoff fitness proportions", I did lose enough weight to feel more confident walking the street.
I found that I took a slightly naughtier version... I guess I was REALLY having fun. You can see that naughty photoHERE(DON'T CLICK HERE, MOM!)
Suddenly it was the last day of my birthday trip. That morning, I thought I'd make it a full day of site seeing and maybe catch a bus for a day trip out to a fancy beach, so I'd have to be out of my room and on the street by 9:00 AM. That's what I thought, what actually happened was I was so knocked down and dehydrated by my body's liquidation sale, because of the glutenful burger bun and copious servings of hard apple cider, that I didn't get out of bed until 1:00 PM. I actually forced myself out of the bed and into the shower because I didn't want to miss the entire day because I was being wimpy.
Once out of the hotel, I walked over to the trolly stop, where I remembered seeing a sign about a hop on/hop off trolly around the area.
Here it comes!
I really didn't mind waiting for it, because there was so much to see
like old buildings..
...and local hotties, waiting for the same trolly!
So, I hopped on the trolly, got off and found a place to stuff my face. Of course, after I had gotten some food in me and downed a bottle of water, I felt better. I continued my tour and admired the architecture, old and new...
Then, I happened upon this lovely place; Queen Victoria Market
Inside I found such tasty and visual delights!
And the fellas behind the counter were tasty, too!
I wanted to sample those, too!
Alas, I had to move on and take a gander at the non-edible treats
I made my way to the trolly stop and hopped on. This time I made it all the way to the water.
There were such beautiful and colorful buildings
and a bridge I remember crossing in the cab on the way in.
There was also a nice place for a levitating selfie!
Did I mention the colorful architecture?
By this point, I had expended all my energy, so I hopped on the trolly. I headed back to the hotel, so that I could rest up for a few hours for my sexy time ahead at The Laird!
On the ride home, I admired more of Melbourne...
All rested up, I re-showered, picked cute underwear, picked out my sexiest clean t-shirt & jeans and headed out. In a few minutes I was back at The Laird for the sexy club I was promised.
I paid my $20 and entered Voguey Bear. I know it's nerdy to show up right at start time, but I couldn't be out too late because I had to get up early to catch my flight home the next morning. Now, the way this was described to me, there was to be a "spa" like atmosphere with a dark room for neked shenanigans. I walked about and found the "dark room", it was a little square of room blocked off/out by a flimsy black sheet of plastic. Hmmm. Already 40 minutes in and there's only me and one other guy, who showed up with something in a large brown paper bag that he checked in with the bartender when he arrived. I was anxious & horny and getting bored. Since I was the first arrival, I thought I should set the tone, so I checked my pants, leaving my sexy clean t-shirt on and traipsing around in the carefully chosen cute underwear which matched the ankle-cut socks in the shoes I also left on. The event poster has a neked bear guy dancing around on it, after all! That other guy collected his brown bag and left. I was just about to confront that Paul Mac guy, (who was kind enough to carry on a nice, but awkward conversation for an extended time with me while spinning tunes) when men started arriving. I confidently strolled about, clutching my bottle of Hard Apple Cider... in my underwear. It had been another hour since others arrived, creating a nice atmosphere, but no one else checked their pants! I failed at setting the tone! Nonetheless, I stuck to the underwear look because I had committed to it and I'm probably never going to see any of these people ever again, so there! Paul Mac introduced me to a handful of guys and I had a nice time chatting with them. It was obvious that I was not going to have the sexy time I had imagined, so I let that go and just enjoyed the night. All in all, it was like spending an off night at the Faultline or Eagle in Los Angeles, in my underwear. At 11:00 PM I retrieved my pants, said my goodbye and cabbed it to the hotel. I like to imagine that only half an hour after I left, it all turned into a raging orgy... but only because I had taken off my pants and set the tone.
I got everything in order and I went to sleep with hopes of waking up feeling well enough to endure a 14 hour flight home, because as a Gay of A Certain Age, I know that even though one would try, they can't sleep the entire way back. Luckily, I woke up feeling much better and a little energized. I made it to the lovely airport, greeted by a giant sign, bidding me farewell
I had a fabulous time and even though a few of my excursions were cancelled and I spent most of my time in the cities and rarely got to a beach or cave or kangaroo reserve, I feel like I couldn't possibly have done more. I loved my time in New Zealand and Australia and hope to return! I also hope to see Nate and Dan in person again! A huge thank you to yous guys for enhancing my trip!!
To continue with the final leg of my journey, I arrived in Melbourne ready to meet up with Facebook Pal and Words With Friends adversary, Dan James. I had scarcely checked into my lovely hotel room at the Ibis Styles The Victoria Hotel
when I got a text message from Dan making lunch plans. I was good to go and we headed over to what could be the biggest mistake of my trip. We tried a place that sounded odd to me, HUXTABURGER. Yes, A COSBY SHOW-inspired burger joint. He asked if I was interested, and I said, "As long as I don't feel sleepy afterward, I'm game!" We checked that there were glutey-free buns available and made our way over.
The place was abuzz with lunchtime commotion and we quickly moved through the line. I enthusiastically perused the fairly large selection and chose the THEO - a Double grass-fed beef patty, double cheese,
bacon, bbq sauce, mustard, mayo,
tomato, lettuce, pickles loaded burger with fries. Dan ordered his and before I could make a move for my wad, he had paid for both our meals. We played catch up near the ketchup as we waited for our order, telling each other about our latest adventures and my trip in progress. They called us up to pick our order and I had a minor freak out in my head. I noticed that, in all the excitement, I forgot to order a glutey-free bun. I mentioned it to Dan and he said we should fix it, but he had already paid for lunch, he was on his lunch hour, the place was all abuzz with Aussies waiting for their Claires, Sondras, Denises, Theos, Vanessas or Rudys, so I figuered I'd just suck it up. After all, I'm Glutey-free by choice, not necessity and I'm sure I've unknowingly been exposed to gluten the past couple of years and been okay.
We enjoyed our tasty burgers, made plans for the evening and headed our separate ways; Dan back to work, me out for some site-seeing. I was not far from Federation Square, so I headed there
and enjoyed the buildings all around me
I had a little photo session by the Yarra River
and enjoyed the sites along the Yarra River.
Then, I felt a little rumbling in muh tumtums...
I thought perhaps I would return to my hotel and see how things were in the terlet room.
It would seem that the ingestion on the gluteyful burger bun had indeed affected me. It was as if muh tumtums was having a liquidation sale and EVERYTHING MUST GO! I spent an awful long time on that terlet, playing Candy Crush Soda and feeling hungover, even though I hadn't had an ounce of alcohol. I took rest breaks from the restroom over next four hours, or so, hoping to have everything back in order by the time Dan showed up for our evening out.
I was a little out of it and was gathering my wits when I noticed a message from Dan indicating he had been waiting in the lobby for me for over 20 minutes. I dashed down and met up with him, hoping I was solid enough. He was sympathetic to my plight and we headed to a dinner place where I could have rice to sop thing up. We found a nice Japanese place and enjoyed a fancy meal. We walked a little. I enjoyed the use of alleys in Australia.
Every other alley, or so, felt like its own little party!
I had a Negroni, which I found a little difficult to enjoy in this hemisphere, so for the rest of the night I stuck with the reliably Glutey-free hard apple cider. We wandered the Fritzroy on foot, where I fell for the street side trash bins.
I found them quite adorable!
I enjoyed seeing some interesting street art,
including this famous George Costanza pose from an episode of SEINFELD
I stood next to it, rubbing his nipple just for size.
was hosting and pulling people up on stage for fun goings on... she pulled up a man of interest.
I fell in love instantly, and was moon-eyed over him for our entire visit. Not wanting to be outdone by my crush, I got up on stage for a game of "Name the Singer"
I'm embarrassed to say that my mind completely blanked out on Gwen Steffani and I got no credit for naming the group she sings for or the title of the album from which the song came. Nevertheless, my participation was enough to win me a free drink. More apple cider for me!
Then, Dan got in the act, got on stage and won the movie quote game, which won him a PITCHURE
of apple cider, which we both enjoyed...
After popping into a few more clubs, here & there, we landed at the Laird for our final stop
It was pretty quiet, but just my speed, especially considering the condition of muh tumtums.
Dan and I got chatty with a few fellas, one of whom turned out to be Paul Mac, who was hosting a party the next night and invited us for some fun & music. The night wound down. Not wanting to push my tummy luck, I shared a cab with Mr. Mac & co. on their way to a party (I reluctantly turned down the invite to join them, for what would probably be the star entry on my vacation story, because I really had to sit on a terlet!)
In my room, I rode the porcelain Vespa for less time than I imagined I would. Then, I curled up in bed ready to sleep. As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know that you must get your rest if you for a daytime photo safari ending in time for an evening of sexy fun at Paul Mac's event the next day, before your flight home!