Tuesday, September 10, 2019

This Is Why I Am Single - Torn Between Two Love Bears

Did I mention I went to Hawaii?  Yeah, I'm THAT Too Busy For Love  that I don't even have time to brag that I went to Honolulu, Hawaii over the Labor Day Weekend.  If I can remember in a moment of open time, I will post a brag post with photos, but what I'm here for today is to tell you about the lucky moment I stumbled upon a Bear Cruise!  Yes, sir!  What started as a lovely evening of drinks with an LA friend, who just happened to be there when I was, turned into a delightful desperate hunt for a future husband.

Whilst in Hawaii, I posted a few Facebook pics, like this one
and my friend, Skeeter, saw them and sent me a message inviting me out to drinks.  Who doesn't love to see local folk in a far off land?  I said "yes", and headed over to Bacchus, where I found myself in the middle of a LeiBear Day Weekend festivity, Rock-N-Roll Bingo!
Skeeter, presented me with a drink, a few Bingo cards and the 411 on the Aloha Bears.  They were a friendly bunch and one of the super cute ones... handed me this

a guide to the weekend's events.  I already had a lot on my pu pu platter, what with traveling with Oscar (Kay Sedia), his husband and their child, but I thought that the 3 hour bear cruise on Sunday, was just what I needed.  I decided, then and there, that I was gonna find someone to die alone with on that boat, or at least get leied.

Sunday morning rolled in and I rolled out of the condo and headed right over to Bacchus, where we all met to get on the bus that would take us to our boat.  Skeeter wasn't there and I didn't know anyone, so I tried to look friendly, but not stalkery (I did have my 35mm camera swinging around my neck...) & maybe cool, but not aloof.  I also tried to eat a banana without looking crazy.  I don't think it worked.  As you can see in the photo at the top, I spent the bus ride to the boat all alone.  I did introduce myself to two or three guys in the bar before we left, but those pleasantries did not lead to any bus ride commitments.  We got the the dock and boarded the boat. So we sailed away in Waikiki Bay.  I got a drink and wandered around the boat, seeing what was what and where was where.  Then I saw this fascinating back...

I thought, "I simply must see who's on the other side of that!"  I saw that the "who" on the other side was a handsome and hunky fella, whose attention, I probably shouldn't waste my time on trying to get.  I resisted taking off my shirt because, even though I was in the company of other shirtless men who are not model-thin, I was still battling my own body issues.  In the heat, I finally bit the bullet and doffed my shirt.  A few minutes later, the hunky back owner approached me and said he thought I was hot.  I think the inside of my stomach turned out, twisted in a knot, sang like Mariah Carey in an oxygenless chamber and flipped.  I played it off as if I heard those words from a handsome, hunky, hot, mother fucker every day.  I imagined I lifted my nonexistent sunglasses as I said something cheesy like, "what a coincidence, I think you're hot, too."  Before I knew it, Jimbo and I were buddies and I was following him down stairs to get another drink.

We were quite buddy-like for a good amount of the three hour tour.  I kept wondering how to bump it up to the next level, but content with drinking and laughing with Jimbo and the guys ...

I was having a great time, so of course I had to find a way to muck it up.  I thought, "Maybe I'm being clingy and following him around too much."  What with the sunny deck and the drinks being served the deck below, there was a lot of back and forth and me following Jimbo like a puppy that was starting to feel the alcohol.  I decided not to follow Jimbo down for one round.  I admired the Hawaiian scenery...

I took a few pics of the guys

I realized it had been a little while since Jimbo went down for a drink.  I convinced myself that he had probably gotten waylaid by someone he found more attractive.   Then, I calmed myself by reminding me that we just met an hour ago, none of us got on our knee to propose; we were not married. "Relax, have fun, mingle..."

In the past, I have been very reluctant to take my own advice on stuff like this.  My thought would be that this handsome, hunky, hot, mother fucker said he thought I was Hot and showed interest in me; I must stay by his side if I want anything to progress from there!   ...but it was Hawaii, I was loose with alcohol and it was Leibear Day Weekend.. So I let myself relax, take a few more pictures and landed on this guy...

I thought, "He's cute and looks like fun." So I sauntered over to him, introduced myself and asked his name. "Marty," he said.  "Marty?" I asked incredulously, "That's a made up name.  That sounds like the kind of name you'd make up so that people will think you're a fun guy."  And with that we were fast buddies.
Now, let me get a few things clear here; The Aloha Bears all seem to be nice, friendly guys. Also, it was a very loose and casual atmosphere.  And I had imbibed a couple of vodka/whatevers in the previous two hours, so I was feeling bold and confident... whatever the reason, I found Marty very easy to talk to and we were bouncing back and forth like Hepburn & Tracy or Dave & Maddie or Baby Kermit & Baby Piggy... whatever age range your frame of reference is, we were chatting up a storm and having a delightful time.  I found myself really attracted to Marty with an energy between us that I didn't quite feel with Jimbo. I thought, "If things don't work out with Jimbo, this is a great alternative!"   Things were going amazingly well for me... in my head.  Maybe it's because I was having a great time and had had a few drinks in me, I decided to share my feelings with Marty.  I said, "Hey, Marty. I think you're a fucking blast and I really am enjoying my time with you."  Which I immediately followed with, "of course, I saw Jimbo first, so he has dibs... and he is super hot."

It actually took a few minutes for me to realize what I said and how much of an asshole I was to say it.  Sweetheart that he is, Marty just laughed it off and we kept talking and laughing.  I, of course, felt like an asshole and wanted to jump off the boat as we headed back in, but played it off like I say asshole things like that to guys I feel a connection to all the time.

Then, the confusion set in and I didn’t know what to do… should I go back to Jimbo and follow him around like the buzzed puppy- noting that it appeared that he might have set his sights on another fella or should I go back to Marty with my tail between my legs hoping he could ignore my stupidity.
I stuck closer to Marty as we disembarked and saw Jimbo up ahead, loading on to the bus taking us back to the bar with the fella he may or may not have been interested in. All I knew was that he hadn’t waited for me to catch up with him, so I took that as my message.  I walked to the bus with Marty, chatting, appreciating that we’d sit together on the ride back to the bar, giving me a chance to do a lot of back peddling and hopefully make up for what I’d said.  Just as we reached the first open two-seater, Marty took a seat next to the single guy in front of the double, where I sat alone for the ride back to Bacchus.

This is why I am single; I'm not a player.  I couldn't get over the fact that the handsome, hunky, hot, mother fucker said he thought I was Hot.  ...But , that never happens!  Because I couldn't let that go, I let it get in the way of my pursuit of Marty, who was a better match for me- and who I started to like so much I had to tell him the truth.  That ugly, drunk truth is- if Jimbo had stood at the dock and said, "C'mon Kid, let's go back to my place and put some glitter on some coconuts," I would have released Marty from the mental bear hug I was giving him and gone with Jimbo to make glitter.  But would I being going with Jimbo because I was really into him or because this handsome, hunky, hot, mother fucker said he thought I was Hot?   And no matter what "could've happened or should've dones" my mind tortures me with, right now, I wish that I had stepped off that boat with Marty, apologized to him, took him to dinner and saw where it went from there.

So while I contemplate being Torn Between Two Love Bears, Feeling Like a Fool,
please enjoy some more of the pic I took on the boat.
Please note: While I learned a very serious lesson and felt like a jerk... I had a fucking blast!


Sunday, September 8, 2019

Gay of A Certain Age - IT Happened

My friends and I caught IT CHAPTER 2 and while I thought it was scary in places and thoroughly entertaining, I found the most terrifying part of the movie came in the first ten minutes.  There is a gay bashing that is presented realistically and is quite jarring.  The most scary thing about it is, it is based on a real life incident.  You can read about it HERE.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've read about and seen depicted, gay bashing scenes in the news, books, movies, and TV shows, but this one shook me a bit more than the others, because it feels like it's been a while since I've had a gay bashing story intrude upon my everyday life.  This one then took me to  different place.  The scene ends with the inevitable arrival of Pennywise, The Clown, and his red balloons.  Pennywise appears to help the gay-bashed victim, then kills him and disappears in a cloud of red balloons.  I started thinking about how this showed the people who claim they are our allies and are there to support and help, but follow up by voting for politicians who are out to take away our rights, patronize businesses that support anti-gay organizations and then disappear behind their red ribbons.  I know it's weird to have that thought right in the middle of a horror movie, but aren't the scariest things the true things?