Saturday, December 31, 2016

2017 EVE - Celebrate!

Single Perks - Hot Dates

I know a few of you were worried, so here's your relief!  I got my new Colt Hairy Chested Men calendar for 2017!  Again, with the help of Amazon Prime, I have my calendar of hot mens to hang in my closet to help me keep track as the days just slip away, along with my youth.  As you remember, last year I had a mini-crisis worrying that I'd have to start the new year without a hot man dangling in my closet.  ...And of course, the great thing about being single is not having anyone around getting jealous of the paper hunks, worrying that I wish I was living with them instead.  This year, I went with the hairy chested mens because, while I do enjoy a hot man in leather, I like full color photos, as opposed to the all black & white of the leather calendar.  I like the color because it adds an element of personality to the fantasy.  Also, don't think it's not driving me nuts that I have to commit to one type of guy for 12 months!  I think the the hairy chested variety will provide a more diverse collection than the restrictive leather offerings.  Now, all I have to do is hope that I don't flip a page and have to start any month off with a dead porn star looking at me!

I have hairy chested men in my closet to help start my day with a smile, them's the perks!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Gay of A Certain Age - Craftmas 2016

I hope you enjoyed the card I crafted for you, Gentle Reader!  Now, that the holiday season is winding down and cards are sent out, I thought I'd share with you a few of the cards I crafted for other folk.  Even with a busy schedule I found a little time to craft,(thank God I got sick for two days!).  The good thing about being single is you can craft to your heart's content without a significant other whining about the attention you're not paying them, but rather paying to the hunky guys you're cutting out of the 3 year old Undergear Catalog!  No, the cards weren't all hunky underwear model inspired masterpieces...

Some were nice cards for the family & nice folks.  Like these...

Or a little strange or artsy for the "Intellectual Set"...

Then, there were the hot mans cards...

I even made this interactive card out of a Valentine in progress that a Craft Night '16 crafter abandoned...
...sure, it's pornographic, but it's also a lot of fun the slide the candy cane back & forth!
"Waste not, want not," I say!

I managed to pop out quite a few of these masterpieces, but still utilized store-bought cards (modified with cut-outs of me), which I purchased in case I ran out of time to craft, which I did.  Even then, I didn't get cards out to everyone that I wanted to...  I enjoy making these cards for family and friends, because I think a little personal & twisted touch sends just the right message.  As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know it's important to take a little (sick) time to show your friends that you care!

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Happy Holiday! - I Crafted a Card For You!

I did spend some time this holiday season crafting some cards and I made one just for you, Gentle Reader.  Of course, you know it applies to me just as much, because aren't we all in this together?
Here it is!  I hope you're well and happy!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

F.U. Cupid - All About Him

When I visit this site, which is usually only when I get a message from someone or the Cupidbot sends me a notice that someone likes me, I try to do it with an open mind.  I know I can be very judgmental.  I kept that in mind when I was creating my profile.  Instead of saying what I didn't want, I put up things I wanted, then lay little tests that would let me know if a responder "got" me or not; like my posting of a Kids in the Hall monologue for "What I Often Think about".  Anyway, I really get bugged by some profiles that immediately put me on edge.  Like this one:
(Click the pic, read for yourself)

I look at the profile pic and think, "My, this is a handsome fellow.  I wouldn't mind sharing a malted with him at the local five and dime."  Then I'm immediately turned off by the following;

1:  WeHo/Chealsea, you are simply not my jam.
     WTF?  I'm already disqualified because of my address?
     Or is he one of those idiots that lumps everybody into one category because he finds the behavior        of some people from the same area distasteful?
     Yes, everybody in this 1.3 mile area acts exactly the same way and should automatically be
      dismissed.  Besides, Chelsea isn't even Chelsea anymore, what with 8th avenue 
      invaded by banks, nail salons and drugstores & G Lounge closing along with mostly all the
      others... This ass has the nerve to bundle me in with whatever stereotype he has in his douchey 
      mind without having even met me and that bugs me!

2: "Oh and girl, please put a shirt on unless you're at the beach.  My personal value does not 
       rely on my physical currency"
      Fortunately, you can not hear me screaming like a rhino that has stubbed his toe on an arrant
      coffee table in the savanna.  First of all, the use of "Oh and girl..." sounds a lot like 
      WeHo/Chelsea stereotype that is not his jam, so he suffers from self-hate. Got it.  Next, more
       judgement on the guys who work out and like to show off and, perhaps give the impression that
       their physical beauty is all they have to offer. Listen, I very much enjoy seeing hot shirtless
      mens flaunting their pectacular torsos and may even get down right giddy if I were to receive
      attention from one of them, but still, ultimately, I'd have to consider if they have intelligence
      and personality to go along with it.  I certainly wouldn't attempt to shame them in my dating
      profile.  Also, I caught the switch half way through that critical comment.  We start out talking 
       about "those" people, then suddenly we are talking about him. That statement should either
       read, "... please put a shirt on unless you're at the beach.  I hope your personal value does not
       rely on your physical currency" or  "...I'll  keep a shirt on unless I'm at the beach.  My personal
       value does not rely on my physical currency".  Either he's saying he does not care for the flaunty
       guys or that he is not a flaunty guy.  When you smash them together like that, you get more of
       the self hate.

3: "I excel at connecting with people..."
       Finally, I get a chuckle.  Seriously, he's going to start his profile by shutting down people in 
       back to back paragraphs and then say he excels at CONNECTING with people??   This is the 
       worst part;  I get the impression that he doesn't really know himself- at least not as much as he
       hates himself.

Despite immediate impressions, this post is not written to simply blast this guy, it's to say that I wish I could go on to a dating site and read a profile without feeling attacked.  It's hard enough to get the rejection after approaching someone, but to get rejected by simply reading their profile is just disturbing. I feel like I'm being pushed aside on my own screen!  Luckily, I've been watching CRIMINAL MINDS for over a decade, so I know and understand human behavior.  I can suss out, that the matter here is not with me, but with him.  It's all about him.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Gift Ideas for the Dying Alone - Sad? Not For Long!

We're getting into gift-getting-crunch time for Chistmakuah!  I know a few of you have those uncles you really care about and can not bare to get another GOLDEN GIRLS themed item, so I present you with this gift idea; THE HOME SAD DETECTOR!  This fabulous item is great for those who are dying alone and have no one there to tell them when they're being pathetic.  I got one for my birthday in October, thank you dear nephew Carlos, Jr! (Oh crap!  I just realized that we have the same birthday and I didn't send him anything... I'm a bad Funny Uncle).  Anyway, I love my Home Sad Detector.

Here's how it works; mounted on a wall in between your living room and bedroom, it monitors and waits judgementally to warn you when it senses your behavior becomes sad.  I've had it for only two months and already it's helped me many times!  It seems to have an unlimited amount of phrases in its memory card.  I've heard it say; "Bzzz. You've watched 10 episodes of JUDGE JUDY without leaving that chair.  That's sad.", "Bzzz.  You've been wearing those jeans for five days in a row.  That's sad.", "Bzzz. You keep checking for text messages even though there's been no indication of activity on your phone.  That's sad.", "Bzzz. You keep watching EMPIRE. It's not going to get any better.  That's sad." and my favorite so far, "BZZZ.  Jesus Christ!  It smells like the Pilsbury Dough Boy killed himself by shooting himself with a can of instant biscuits after working out with a sardine trainer and his rotting body is decaying into a puddle of silicone!  THAT'S SAD! Open a fucking window!"  I guess it's programmed with an emotion chip because it sure sounded angry.

There's no telling what this Home Sad Detector will say next!  As the box says, "Each phrase is a humiliating, but needed surprise."  That is except for the the phrase at the bottom of the package which is printed and red and is marked A PHRASE YOU MAY NOT HEAR: "You haven't moved in three days. You are dead. That's sad. I'm contacting the coroner."

If you do go with a GOLDEN GIRLS themed gift, try the books GOLDEN GIRLS FOREVER by Jim Colucci or BETTY WHITE RULES THE WORLD by Mike Pingel.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Gay of A Certain Age - A Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot

Back in Idyllwild, I awoke Thanksgiving morning to find that it was simply a gorgeous day!  Muh DAB, Dennis and I decided to load the pup in the car and make our way up into the mountains and take a hike.

We picked the Ernie Maxwell Scenic Trail.

The trail is about 4.6 miles, round trip.  Intimidated, we figured we could just go half way and turn back.
Thing is, how do you know how far half way is?   So we kept going until we reached the end of the trail.  Along the way we saw scenic stuff. Like, lovely signs of autumn...
and huge rocks, on top of which one could contemplate life...

I must admit that I was disappointed by the end of the trail, because I imagined it would end at the edge of a cliff overlooking all of Idyllwild, but it was just and abrupt end at the side of a road, with no view.  We sat a bit, talked with the people around us, did a Facebook Live video, then started back.  It was then that we realized that we started at the wrong end because it became apparent that the 2.5 miles back was uphill.  Not ones to complain, we just soldiered on appreciating the reverse view, which included cute other hikers
...and their dogs
and we enjoyed having a nice hunky hiker capture the moment for us (OMG! He touched my camera, so when I hold my camera, it's like I'm touching him!)

We made it to the end without much drama at all.
We still had enough energy to pose for portraits with Enzo.

Then, it was home for another soak in the hot tub.  I also spent some time calming down my Fitbit because it was so excited to get over 16, 000 steps!!

After the hot tub, I did a little required Holiday viewing...
I always enjoy watching HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS during Thanksgiving.  That dinner table scene is so enjoyable and I love when Cynthia Stevens yells, "Cocksucker!" at Robert Downey Jr.  The moment is so awful and delicious at the same time, just as thanksgiving should be.

For dinner, we walked down the road to The Gastrognome
where I had a little bit of a challenge securing a reservation, but was confirmed in time to rest assured we'd have a nice dinner.

It was a fixed menu, but they were nice enough to plan ahead for glutey-free people, like me.  I know, the portion looks small, but it was surprisingly filling and quite tasty.  The best part, of course, was the pumpkin mousse for dessert.
  After our five mile hike, neither Dennis nor I worried about calories.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've learned that no matter how lazy I think I am, I can really surprise myself with how many steps I can get on my Fitbit in a day!  Also, I know that Thanksgiving Day is a time to remember one's blessings, like the company of a great friend and his adorable dog.  Thanks, Dennis!

Monday, December 12, 2016

WTF - Handy Man of My Dreams

So one time I was asleep and stuff.  I was having the most delightful dream about being in love with a very handsome man.  He obviously felt the same way about me.  I could tell that by the way we simply held hands and stared in each others eyes.  I must have dreamt that all night because I could feel my body slipping from dreamworld into the faint glow of morning's light.  I tried to hang on to the dream as long as I could and felt myself drift into that middle area between and sleep and consciousness.  That's when my total delight turned into ABSOLUTE HORROR!!!!  I was half asleep but I could feel that I was actually holding somebody's hand!  WTF? Who the hell is in my bed?  Why don't I remember falling asleep with someone next to me?  As I became fully awake I slowly released the hand, as not to disturb my mysterious and unexpected guest.  Is there anything worse than waking up completely terrified?  I finally turned to see who was there.  There was no one there.  I got even more frightened because that means that I am absolutely losing my mind!  I KNOW I was holding a hand!

When I surveyed the area next to me I found Jake Ryan and an Alien.  THAT'S who it was!
That stupid Alien plushy toy!  Somehow in the night, my hand had found the sturdy, but soft toy and grasped it like a hand.  It is the exact perfect size to feel like a slightly large hand wrapped around mine.  I giggled to myself like a truly insane person. I wasn't crazy, after all.  I know I should prolly move that toy to a less sleep threatening place, but for now I'll keep him in his regular place, keeping Jake Ryan at bay...

Friday, December 9, 2016

Getting Out - An Idyllwild Adventure

Finally, a moment has occurred that I may update the tens of you who visit my blog about my Thanksgiving week and valuable lessons that I learned from being in a cabin in the woods and the sexy desert gay city of Palm Springs.  Immediately, muh DAB, Dennis and I were taken by the small town charm of Idyllwild, from the local food & stuff stores
to the lovely citywide art project
to the gnome-loving tributes around town
even the one and only movie theater with one and only one showtime...
Luckily, Dennis had some screeners.
We stayed in a lot and watched movies all day... Lord knows we couldn't pass time on the internet, since it was spottier than all dalmatians pelts in Cruella's cape.  We watched EYE IN THE SKY (liked), CAPTAIN FANTASTIC (really liked), HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE (really, really liked) and SING STREET (loved).  Also, we watched HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS which I've seen many times before, but is required viewing for Thanksgiving.  Of course, we took in a 7:00 showing of FANTASTIC BEASTS (liked).

We also learned how to use this thing called a hot tub.  Have you heard of that?  It was really nice...
So nice, we braved the cool weather to try it out quite often, just to make sure we were doing it right.

We were only there for four days, but we really made ourselves at home.  I made a lovely centerpiece for outdoor dining

Dennis made a dent in one of the sofas that looks just like him

And, what could be my favorite event of the week, Dennis' dog, Enzo, learned how to climb stairs for the first time and would randomly walk up and down the stairs throughout the day, just because he could.

So, Getting Out of West Hollywood for Thanksgiving seems to have been a great idea.  Aside from visiting a new place that I've never been and watching a crap load of good movies, I got to relax and not worry about much (after I accepted that the wifi signal was never going to be solid).  I really enjoyed the charm of this town.
Might I say, I would love to see the place really done up for Christmas.  We left the morning of the day they lit the town tree for the holiday.  Walking the streets at the pitch dark hour of 6:00 PM, I was treated to this little preview of things to come.

Don't let me get head of myself, I still haven't told you about Thanksgiving Day..!