Tuesday, January 31, 2017

He Don't Even Know - Gettin' GREASEy

This is "Don".
I met him when we were at the beach.
I saw him and
I started showin' off , splashing' around.
Then, I got a cramp and nearly drowned.
He saved my life, 
under the summer sun 
\and something begun.

Friday, January 27, 2017

This Is Why I Am Single - I'm Afraid of CATS and Catfish

So, I was scrolling up and down on the Facebooks, as I will, when I heard a little >ping<.  I had a friend request.  The guy was a cutie, and I didn't know him.  I generally don't accept friend requests from people I don't know (nowadays), but I'll make an exception if we have a lot of mutual friends or in this case, if they're really cute.  Immediately a saw a notice that I had been Poked.  It was this guy.  He's cute, so I poked back.  Then, he poked back. So, I poked back. Then, he poked back. So, I poked back. "Keep it up, Fella, I GOT ALL DAY!" Before I knew it, I had a message.  It was from the cutie I had friended not a few moments ago.  It was a very complimentary, right off the bat.  I was flattered and IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS.  What kind of person just gives a compliment like that?  Great, I just accepted a friendship of someone who has targeted me as his (or her) next Catfish victim!  I mean, come on, I'm supposed to believe that some young guy, who basically looks like the guy pictured above, finds me attractive?  Not one to be of great judgment, I decided to play along and see where this went and how outrageous it would get.  To be sure, I didn't pour it on heavy, I just volleyed, in a very measured fashion.  It became very clear that this Catfisher wasn't going to play a slow game.  I took a day off to consider my strategy.   I SHAN'T BE PLAYED FOR A FOOL, DAN! IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME! (Not his real name).

"What if this is real?" That's a silly thought. Really?  This guy finds me attractive and would like to get together. NOT LIKELY!  I did my detectiving (What some others may call "stalking") and saw that his profile contained more than one photo of him and his Instagram was populated by more than one photo of him in different settings... He is cute... ...and I have had someone find me attractive before...  I decided to call his bluff!
 "You win.  Let's get together." I finally replied.  After some suspicious back & forth (I knew it...) we finally set a date and time. (Is that because we hit a stalemate if he didn't agree to meet?)  All day I was expecting the message that says, "Something suddenly came up." (Totally Marcia Brady voice)
And wouldn't you know it the last message I got from him was, word for word "found a space, I don't need a permit."  I KNEW IT!!  I WASN'T FOOLED FOR A SECOND!!  WHAT AN... oh wait.  He actually showed up?  DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.  When I open the door, he looks exactly like his pictures.  OMG! He looks exactly like his pictures!  I played it cool, like I always have gentleman suitors breaking down my door to court me. "Why, look, the last one left his spats by the door.  He must have over looked them for staring into my eyes so lovingly on his way out."  I think he bought it.

This Is Why I Am Single; I can't trust that someone I find very attractive finds thinks the same of me.  How many times has someone I'm totally gaga for given me the "green light" and I was too insecure to act on it?  How did I get it in my head that attractive guys are not into me?  The ultra-crazy thing is this guy seemingly came out of nowhere.  He was very direct without appearing pushy- I say I like that, but when it happens, I don't believe it.    Truthfully, when I get hits on the FU Cupid, it's usually from guys, though nice, I'm not attracted to or find shifty (like no profile pic).  It's rare that I get anything from a real hottie (if ever).  This threw me extra good because it didn't happen on any dating site.  Luckily, I trust my instincts, even if they did have to trick me into letting this happen.

He was quite personable, we had a very nice time and I hope to see him again.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - Rags to Bitches

So, I was looking for a place to stash a couple of Dunny boxes and after finding no more room in the cabinets that should be holding dishes in my kitchen, I moved to other places of my apartment.  That's when I realized that I have way too many towels!  I'm a single gay, why do I have 30 towels?  I have my decorative reds for my bathroom, a couple to get from laundry day to laundry day and a couple of really oversized ones for guests.  Then, I saw I had some bedding I didn't use anymore, because while pink triangles fighting with green squares and orange ovals was fun for 12 years, the colors have faded a little and why do I have bedding for a twin bed?

So now that I've made room for my collectables boxes, what to do with all these towels & bed stuffs?

Well, it turns out that there are dogs and cats in shelters that could use a little comfort.  Almost all of my friends who have dogs got them from shelters and that's great! It's an opportunity to give back for the snuggies and kisses I've gotten from shelter dogs!  I loaded my car up with towels, sheets, bed spreads and older pillows (all laundered!) and let them sit there for a few weeks until I had a chance to drop them off.  I picked a shelter in the valley because the shelters around me are in Beverly Hills and I figured those shelters prolly don't need the donation as much as others.

The hardest thing to do was leave without a rescue.  I forced myself to avoid areas where I might see the faces the matched the whining I heard.  I let myself off the hook by thinking that I may have brought a few of those pups comfort with my donation, especially during these cold and rainy nights, lately.  As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know the value of a small gesture on a cold and lonely night, even one as indirect as a slightly unpuffed pillow and an outdated bedspread, because I know that while I may not be "rescued", there is someone, somewhere concerned about me and my comfort.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

He Don't Even Know - Mr. Bubble

This is "Walter"
"Walter" likes to surprise me.
One time he filled my apartment with colorful balloons,
then gave me a loving bubble bath
with so many bubbles
I couldn't tell where the next, of many kisses would land!
...It didn't even matter that I was sitting down!

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Am I Really Alone - No Bag!

If you live or spend much time in West Hollywood, you might see a person walking down the street on their way home from the Gelson's grocery store.  If you do, you might ask yourself, "Who's that idiot trying to juggle corn chips, almond milk creamer, Jessica's Crispy Kale Salad and a half container of tuna salad?  Boy, that Comedy Store sure is desperate for acts..."

That idiot would be me, quite often.  If I am not eating out, as I do often, I will grab dinner fixin's on the way home.  When I buy groceries, I never buy more than I can carry because I do not want to use a bag.  I am trying to save the planet here, people! Since the bag ban went into effect in West Hollywood back in 2013, I've been practicing this method of planet saving everywhere I go... even where it is un-required.  Once in a while I've been caught unprepared and have had to use a store bag (Target! Who walks in there and doesn't leave with $100 more merchandise than they intended?), but I stand firm- I'm doing it for EVERYONE!

Nothing kills my insides more than what happened the other night.  As I'm leaving the payment counter, I strategically gather my goods in my arms and as I start walking away, I hear the asshole behind me say "Double bags, please..."  JESUS CHRISTMAS!  DOUBLE BAGS????  Not only is he opting to kill the planet, he's totally negated my effort by taking that bag I didn't use!

Am I really alone in this?  Does no one else care about the planet?  And why would someone do something as evil as double bagging?  Why do people resist doing what's right for the place we live?
A few months ago, I was in line behind this woman who snottily exclaimed, "Ten cents?  I don't have to pay ten cents for a bag in Texas.." To which I replied (under my breath), "yeah, you don't have the right to an abortion in Texas, either." Ten cents is an ineffective disincentive.

Come on people! Don't leave me alone in this!  Take a reusable bag with you to the store!

Monday, January 9, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - Suprise!

So last week, I came home from work to find a white box on my door step.  I wasn't expecting anything and I usually get my stuff shipped to work, so I don't have to fret over the package when it's delivered.  I excitedly rushed in and unwrapped the package.  Inside were the cutest tiny gluten-free cup cakes!!  They looked very colorful and delicious!  So cute!

I found a card, but there was only a message; "A little something sweet to start off the new year".  I didn't see a name anywhere.  I was thrilled! I had a secret admirer, just like Jan Brady!
While I luxuriated in the notion of a lovely gift from an anonymous boyfriend, I popped on to the Facebook to let folks know how delighted I was and see if someone would collect their well deserved thanks.

Not long after, the mystery was solved.  Somehow, their names were left off of the card.  It was sent by my two very good friends Billy and Barry.  It meant a little extra special because the holidays and busy work schedules have kept us from hanging out a good number of weeks.  These cupcakes are almost as sweet as Billy & Barry!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've learned that I'm not too old to be excited and thrilled by a little mystery and that an unexpected gesture from great friends can really make me feel the love!

Saturday, January 7, 2017

This is Why I Am Single - Bottle Buddies

The guy in front of me in line is buying almost exactly the same things I am! 
Maybe this is a sign that we are supposed to be together! 
I mean, come on! 

He's Not cute.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - 12th Day Come Down

My Christmas tree is put away and my holiday themed Broadway show posters are re-filed.
Today, I used my day off of work to put away my holiday decor, the tree, the posters and festive tchotchkes, which include my collection of Christmas Dunnys!
I showcased this year's model, the Rise of Rudolph,  designed by Frank Kozik.  Is it surprising I have Dunnys that sit put away for 11 months of the year? It is to me!

I only wanted you all to know that I did all this so you would know that just because I live alone, I don't think it doesn't matter that I'd leave this stuff up for months after.  As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know how important it is to keep current and in touch with what's going on outside of my home.

Mostly, I posted this so that I wasn't the only one who saw my tree this year...