Wednesday, July 19, 2017

This Is Why I Am Single - REPULSION - A Guest Column

Muh DAB, Glenn Gaylord has something to say...

by Glenn Gaylord

 “I have passed some line, some place. I am beginning to repel people I'm trying to seduce.” 
Jane Craig (Holly Hunter) in BROADCAST NEWS

I’ve always been able to relate to the Jane Craigs of the world.  An outward firecracker who, when nobody’s watching, sits alone at home and cries.  I even admired how she would schedule her sob sessions, ending them abruptly with a little tug at the tissue dispenser.  When her boss told her, “It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room,” Jane famously responded, “No, it’s awful”.  The smart lonely heart.  Jane was my role model, “except for socially” as Joan Cusack hilariously told her. 

I’ve always been fairly inept on a social level.  I’m blunt in a world full of conflict avoiders.  I’m a nerd about being reliable and on time in a world full of flakes.  I care about the world around me in a world that seldom cares back.  It’s awful, right Jane?

As for my love life, it’s been fairly non-existent.  People always tell me to stop looking and that it will come when I least expect it.  That strategy has never worked for me.  If I don’t make a first move, nothing moves.  I’ve never been the person who gets those calls from their friends that go something like, “So and so really likes you and asked me if you were single”.  If I go out, I never get hit on, and in the past couple of months I’ve been in 3 situations where I was surrounded by thousands of gay men, and I’ve never felt more invisible.  Sure, some of it is a product of my advancing age, but this was even true when I was a twink.  Some of it has to do with the fact that I’m terrible at “performing” for people.  I rarely say “Hey gurrrllll” and I don’t speak “DJ”.  I’ve never been very good at hiding my emotions.  If I’m having a good time, you’ll know it, and the opposite is even more apparent.  Still, I think I’m pretty witty, funny, have a great sense of adventure, career accomplishments, a loving family, and a genuine love of connecting with people.   

All of this is to say that I must have the worst resting bitch face on the planet, because, like my pal Jane, I’m starting to repel the people I’m trying to seduce. Yep, it’s happening.  I meet guys in all sorts of ways:  dating sites, apps (of all stripes), out and about, parties, museums, movie screenings, through friends, all of it.  Recently, I was out for a drink with a friend and ran into a delightful guy I know through work.  He was out with two of his friends, one with whom I felt an instant spark.  Not one to let life pass me by, I asked my friend if his pal was single.  He confirmed it, but also warned me that he has issues and I should steer clear.  The friend I was out with said I should just take a chance.  If there was a spark, why not explore it? 

So I did what any self-respecting fool would do and hit him up on Facebook.  Direct as usual, I told him it was great to meet him and asked if there was a spark.  He complimented me, used the “F” word (flattered…ugh!) and then continued by telling me that he has been with someone for the past 2 years and was very happy. 

When I took this info back to our mutual friend, he was surprised.  In fact, he said there was no way he was seeing someone.  Yep, things have gotten so bad that guys are now pretending to have boyfriends to avoid going out with me. 

A few weeks back, I met another guy at a party.  He had just moved to LA and, again, sparks.  Or so I thought.  We eventually exchanged numbers and met out for drinks.  You know those dates where the conversation flows so easily that hours go by without you knowing it?  It was one of those.  All of my past relationships started with such an epic running time of a first date, but, of course, the hammer came down.  It started out innocently enough.  He told me he hated living in his prior town because every guy he’d meet would tell him, “I’m not really looking to date”.  He said it was sucking his soul dry.  Wait a minute, that’s MY hashtag!  #MYDRYSOULISDEADINSIDE.  This sounded promising.  A like mind.  A guy who has grown tired of meeting unavailable men. 

And then this little nugget came out of his mouth, “And now, I’m that guy!  I’m not really looking to date”.  The proverbial air went out of the tires.  My inner voice raged, “THEN WHY ARE WE SITTING HERE?!!!!”  My outer voice just went, “Oh.  Cool.”  Oh, Cool?  There’s nothing cool about it.  It’s terrible!  It’s a tragedy!  On one hand you have everybody screaming about marriage equality rights, on the other,  NOBODY WANTS TO DATE!  Cupid, why hast thou forsaken me??!!!

Every time I walk away from these situations with my tail between my legs, my inner voice continues, “Maybe they’re just not into you.  Maybe you’re just not attractive enough.  Maybe they think you walk funny. Maybe you need to give up hope and just stop looking. Maybe you need to unplug your phone, and cry all alone like Jane Craig.”  

OR….maybe you need to write an article with the hope that a like mind will read this and will be the one to ask your friends about you!  Someone?  Anyone?  Is this thing on? 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - When Anger Blogs

I am certain I'm a happy person... I feel very fortunate to have the life I have and the ability to live as I do.  This weekend I was reminded that I have plenty of love and support from friends and family and I am grateful.  My post about my anger at something my Alleged Father posted elicited some responses I wasn't expecting.  I certainly hope the post did not come across as a desperate bid for attention, (although the attention paid was much appreciated).  I've seen enough episodes of THE PRACTICE & some LA LAW to know that there is need for a re-direct.

Sometimes, especially in a self-righteous rage, my words may seem stronger than intended.  I worry (and understand if)  my message may have been misunderstood.  So, here is where I will redirect (If I may, Judge Judy, your honor...)  My message should have been "Please don't simply like and share propaganda without taking time to think if it's something you actually do feel and agree with."  Simple, right?   My presentation and word choices most likely steered readers to believe my message was "I hate my alleged father who hates me first!"  That wasn't my intention and certainly not what I meant.  I apologize to my siblings (Thank you for your messages) if I caused you any stress or worry. While his post did anger me and I do still hold some resentments that I am not shy to air & stand by, I do not hate my alleged father or believe that he actually meant the post as a personal attack.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've come to understand that writing about one thing, while feeling strongly about another can lead to a misleading message.  I also realize there might be a nicer way to call someone out on their crap.

Friday, July 14, 2017

This Is Why I Am Single - My Alleged Father Part 4

I'll tell you, Facebook must be one of the worst inventions to ever be inflicted on the human race.  One of the worst things about it is that once parents catch on to the thing, they wanna "friend" their children.  The children, of course, are mortified because this is the moment they have to either take the risk of offending their parents with a "No, thank you" or actually changing and living their life in a way that their parents would approve.  I fall somewhere in the middle of that.  When I got a request from my mother, whom I love very much, I flinched.  Then, I thought about my Facebook life; I try to be a good person, have a positive attitude and and only occasionally burst into fits of rage that result in a post.  Then, there's the whole gay aspect; not that I'm ashamed of being gay or living a "gay lifestyle" or having drag be a huge part of my actor life, it's those Gay friends who sometimes post naughty things on pages... But heck, I think my ma knows she's taking that risk. I happily hit "Accept" on that friend request.  Then on the other side, I got a request from my alleged father.  We don't communicate much, but I was game.  I popped on over to his page to see what I would be getting into.  I found that he likes to post A LOT!  Sometimes he posts in all caps and sometimes more that 10 things in an hour.  The stuff he posts is usually religious or very political.  I thought, "No, thanks!  I don't need to see that popping up on my news feed 10 times each hour!"  So, I let that request sit there, I didn't deny it, I just let it sit.  I figured that all my settings are set to "public" so anyone can see what I post, therefore he access to my stuff, and I have access to his without the formal "accept" that would put all that stuff on my news feed. It works!  ...And, to be honest, a little part of me got some satisfaction from withholding from him as "revenge" for his absence in the past.

A thing about the Facebook in the last year or so; our political climate has become so polarizing and, in my opinion, dangerous that with so many exaggerated  forces pulling people to either side, it's easy to fall prey to crap that re-enforces one's view and pass it on.  I get it.  Sometimes, it feels irresponsible to NOT post something political.  Personally, my anti-Cheetohead posts consist of his picture stamped "Not My President" and "Fake President" to clearly state my stance and all other stuff I post or re-post I take from reliable news sources or clearly opinion-based pieces.  (Unless it's something REALLY funny or clever... then I might give in to temptation)  Otherwise, my posts are the usual show notifications, puppies, Dunnys and shirtless hot mens.  I have family members who occasionally post something that is in direct opposition to my views, but I've never felt personally attacked.  That was until yesterday, when I saw this posted on my alleged father's wall...

Not only is the meme, itself, anti-gay, he took the time to add "it's unnatural and evil".
If you click on the pic, you can see at the bottom where I immediately commented, "Your faggot son is unnatural and evil..."   SERIOUSLY?  I don't think I've ever heard a parent refer to their own child as evil, but here it is, proudly posted on his wall for all to see.  After I commented, I blocked him and deleted the friend request.  I mean, really!   What really bugs the fuck out of me is that this man, who seemed to have no problem that I, as a preschooler, knew of his mistress, Minerva, and knew that she was his side cooze;  Who had no qualms introducing me, a grade-schooler, to his illegitimate daughter, Myra, whom he fathered while still married to my mother;  Who had no problem living with Minerva or moving to California while still married to my mother and leaving her to raise four of his who-knows-how-many of his children by herself;  Who seemed quite comfortable barging in and crashing with us in between his bouts of employment (proudly displaying his Benny and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Boot collection along the wall, but not putting in for groceries);  Who had no issues, paying the Church to annul his marriage to my mother so that he may marry another woman in the Church. (So am I a bastard in the eyes of the Church since my parent's marriage never existed?); Who ( I honestly don't know how he took that other wreck of a marraige) racked up a second divorce:  After all that; infidelity, children out of wedlock, and two divorces, he is going to preach about the sanctity of marriage AND tell me I'm evil and unnatural?  Fuck that!

You know, it took me a long time to sort all of that stuff out in my head and heart to not hate the man.  I worked hard to try to see things from his side and thought, "He's just a guy whose dreams were too big for his circumstances..."  People make mistakes...  I let it go.  Until now.

I may be playing up the drama, I am a thespian (also unnatural & evil), after all...
It's not such a bold move that I've made here.  If I had forgiven and forgotten all that, I also never felt like I needed his approval or attention, frankly.  I'm just saying, that if you request your son's friendship on the Facebook, you may not wanna call him Unnatural and Evil.

This Is Why I Am Single; My alleged Father believes that I should not have the right to be married.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Too Busy For Love - Mismatched Saddles

I have been a little lax in posting, but I assure you, I'm very busy... mostly.  I have to edit photos!!
I just finished editing photos from my New York trip in April, so I'm almost caught up...

Along with the staying in and editing photos, I'm still getting out to wish some friends happy birthday!

Like, Quincy

...and John

I enjoyed getting out and visiting with them and other friends... and met a new friend or two...

I did my very best to take as few photos as possible, to lighten up my load!

My busyness continues into Drag Season as this weekend I'm performing at the Life Group LA's
along with the prep and rehearsal for that.

...and next week, I'll be slipping Reba Areba on for Dennis Hensley's The Mismatch Game

I'll be attending Friday night to watch & laugh and I will be on-stage on Sunday to laugh & play.
Seriously, this is one of my favorite things to do in the entire world!

...Plus, it raises money for the LA LGBTLMNOP Center and homeless youths!

And just so you'll believe me, I'm posting some freshly edited pics of my favorite sites in New York...

Thursday, June 29, 2017

He Don't Even Know - Slurpee Me

God, I love "Mario"!
He is so sweet!
He's very considerate
and always thinks of me
and my comfort.

Without even asking, 
he'll walk over to the local convenience store
and get me a refreshing drink 
as a respite from these awfully hot days!

I am always sure to show my appreciation
by finishing what he brings for my mouth.
...every last slurp!

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Getting Out - Go Wet 2

I continued my quest of getting out of my home and into the sun by staying wet!
Thank goodness muh friends Avery & Koppany threw together a totally impromptu swimming party!

Avery is a great host!

As is Kopanny...

(you know Koppany, right?  the Gay Doctor?)

And the guest always includes fun, outgoing guys...

But not too exclusive, 'cause I'm there, right?

Plus, snacks & drink really added to the cooling off

Anyway, it was a fun, wet & wacky day

And if one were to tire of splashing around, there's a nice shady place under a fabulous tree to relax

Just put one's legs up & relax

Yes, I am grateful that my friends help me with the battle to get out of my home and into the sun for a little socializing and wetness.  I hope there is more to come, and that I don't opt to stay in my apartment editing photos instead of living them...

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Getting Out - Go Wet!

Well the sun is out and the dress is off!  Now that drag season has slowed, I've gotten a chance to relax and have fun with muh DABs and other friends.  Last weekend I spent a little time in Palm Springs where we stayed in our favorite PS rental house.

We have a favorite place where we do the same things every time!
We swim...

...We nap...

...we have a beauty day...

...We visit landmarks...

..we have meals out on the lanai...

...We pose before going out to La TablitaWang's and Spurline...

And we take in a fabulous drag show at Toucans

...This time, hosted by the Ultra-Fabulous Morgan McMichaels

...and there is always a dancer.

All in all, it was a relaxing couple of days that I really needed.  It felt nice to put the drag away for awhile...  Mostly