Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age/This Is Why I Am Single - FU@% Vaudeville!

I think that this is the first time I have ever had a combo topic, but it is so true for this incident! This story starts off with an innocent visit to my dentist's office... with a little attitude.  You see, my dentist retired no long ago with very little fanfare; in fact there was no party or coffee date in a public place to explain why we wouldn't ever see each other again.  No.  I got an email.  I already had a teeth cleaning on the books, so I kept my appointment, if only to give that office what for!  I expected I would see my former dentist's partner when I walked in, but I did not.  I was quickly escorted the fancy chair in the new office.  ...OMG! THAT'S another thing!  They just moved office's not that long ago and I'm not thrilled with the new open vibe in there.  There are no walls between rooms!  maybe a book shelf or a couple of garden David statues lined up really close, but no walls!  The more I think about it, the more I'm certain that this will be my last visit to Dentist & Dentist DDS!

While in the chair the nice teeth cleaner lady asked, "Do you know Dr. Dentist retired?"  To which I replied in a tone that almost made it sound like I wasn't kidding, "Yes. I got the email. ...like the last time I was broken up with."  >WHAM!<   Boy, did she almost react!  Little by little my attitude waned as the teeth cleaning lady complemented my mouth and did a nice cleaning rather quickly.  Despite the nice service, I was ready to write my farewell on a post-it note from the receptionist's desk. Then, the teeth cleaning lady said, "Here's Dr. New Dentist to see how you're doing."

I felt a warm presence next to me.  I slowly turned and looked up and sar the sweetest Ginger dentist I had ever seen.  He was smiling at me in my chair as I ran my tongue over my teeth to get any residual Hi C punch flavored polish off of them.  Suddenly, I was a giddy teen-aged girl, all blushing & such.  "So..." he said and kept talking, but all I could hear was angels singing.  I think I got out a "yes" here and a "no" there without drooling (Which I realize now I could have blamed on Novacane I didn't get, but he wouldn't know!)  Then, I realized he was finished with angel singing and asked, "Do you have any questions?" So, not wanting our interaction to end, despite having no questions, I asked "Yes.  Will I be able to play the piano?"  Then, there was the most nausea-inducing silence I ever heard in my life.  Followed by a pause.  A Pinter pause.  Then I said, "Nevermind, it's an old Vaudeville joke." To which he felt the need to point out, "Yeah it didn't land," and walked away.  JESUS CHRIST?? "WILL I BE ABLE TO PLAY THE PIANO???"  This Is Why I Am Single.  VAUDE FUCKING VILLE? gay of a certain age. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?  On the other hand, what jokes are they telling in doctor school these days?

Anyway, I'm staying with Dentist & Dentist DDS, for now.  I have to redeem that moment!!  I wonder if he's seen LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS... Hmmm.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - Slippery Slope

I was shopping at one of my many local CVSs, when walking down the aisle I saw this and thought, "Goodness, the sexy lube is so very close to the adult diapers!"
And realized sadly, how true that actually is. (saddy face emoticon)

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

He Don't Even Know - All A-buzz About Pride

This is "Ramiro", 
I was fondly remembering our adventures
on the Puerto Vallartan beaches last year, 
When I recalled his bring to my attention
Smirnoff's LOVE WINS campaign 
last year.

It happened in the UK
and was quite delightful.
I think "Ramiro" had me so drunk on love
that I forgot to tell you about.
Think of it as a Pride Primer at this point...
read all about it HERE

Sunday, March 19, 2017

This Is Why I Am Single - BAM!

Even though I haven't posted a Too Busy For Love post in a bit, I have been very busy.  One of the activities that has kept my calendar full is trying to keep up with the movies of 2017.  I think I missed a lot of the ones I wanted to see last year and am just now reminded of them as they hit the Netflix (or those remind me of other ones I really wanted to see but will never be on the Netflix).  Anyhow, all this is to say, I finally got a chance to see THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE.   I'll tell you I really enjoyed the first LEGO MOVIE because I went in expecting to hate it and was pleasantly surprised.  This time I went in with some expectations of quality and humor.  What I didn't expect was to get a moist eyes because I was identifying with the stupid plastic stop-motion star of the movie!    If the plot of this animated silliness is really something you would rather not know before you see it, I suggest you stop reading now (This my gentle reader(s?) is a good old fashioned SPOILER ALERT)  If you need further encouragement to leave this movie unspoiled, please visit one of my favorite He Don't Even Know Entries...

Okay, so I'm sitting there enjoying this plastic cartoon... honestly, not quite as much as I enjoyed the first one, but still very entertained... when I start feeling this weird little tug inside.  What is this feeling? As the movie continued I felt it more and more.  Was I identifying with Lego Batman?  One of my favorite things about Lego Batman is that he is an all out Dick.  He's hilarious, but a Dick.  Is that what it was?  Was I feeling my Dick strings being pulled?  No, that wasn't it, I've known about and appreciated my ability to be a Dick for years. Nay, decades!  Imagine my shock when I realized that I was thinking "OMG, I'm just like that!"  See, the whole deal of the movie is how Batman insists on working/being solo because he can do it all himself.  Of course, you know that he actually doesn't want to work with/get close to anyone else because he's afraid that they'll get hurt, which in turn means that he's afraid he'll get hurt.  It's not the most original story, certainly not for a cartoon, but CRIPES it's kind of a jolt when some bit of kids' entertainment makes you feel like you've been torn open and everyone can see inside.  Gosh Darn It!  I went for laughs, not for self reflection... Asshole Warner Borthers!  What's worse is it feels really stupid to be having this mini-emotional crisis lounging in a room filled with colorful lights and children.   Okay, wait, let's be certain that this was not a "Oh, I want kids" episode, it was totally about keeping people away to protect myself.  Yeah, that's all it is.  I know it's a simple notion, not a major revelation, but sometimes when I keep myself busy enough, I forget that's what I've been doing.  Don't get me wrong; I'm not terribly lonely and I do appreciate my time alone, but I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I do feel like I'm eating lobster alone sitting on a Bat Jet Ski in the middle of a large swimming pool.  So, now that this issue has been brought up to the surface, again, what am I going to do?  Not a damn thing.
Fuck THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE!     I don't need anyone!!    You think a few well coaxed tears are going to change me??  NO!!     Not this time!  >BAM!<     I'd rather be lonely than rejected >POW!<      I love masturbating >WHACK!<

This Is Why I Am Single; I cry at cartoons

Now please enjoy this trailer for the movie that makes my revelation saddly obvious.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - Fighting MISNOMOPHOBIA

As you all may recall, I suffer from a self-diagnosed fictional malady known as MISNOMOPHOBIA, the fear of getting someone's name wrong.  Why just a weekend ago, I was at a lovely wedding reception for Jerry and Greg along with lovely people and friends that I usually only see when we get together with Jerry.  I know Clay.  I know who Clay is!  But ever since an unfortunate Facebooks tagging incident, I feel like every time I see Clay, he thinks, "Great, here's the asshole who thinks I'm Mike".  I know Mike. I know who Mike is!  But now, even though I know him, I'm afraid I'll call Clay "Mike".  It's ridiculous, I know.  This time I decided, "No! I will enjoy this event without worry of calling Clay "Mike!" and it went lovelyly!  I enjoyed myself, had fun, chatted, laughed, hooched it up a bit and was quite satisfied with myself. ...until I got to my car.  I had just hugged and kissed everyone goodbye when I replayed the moment in my head.  I could swear I called Clay "Mike", even though Mike was sitting right next to him and it would have made no sense for me to say it twice, I COULD SWEAR I CALLED CLAY "MIKE"!!  Did I really?  Am I an asshole?

I may never know the answer to the first question, but we all know the second is answered with a resounding, "YES".

Then, something wonderful happened this morning.  I was grabbing a shirt to wear to work, when I glanced over at my Colt Porno calendar and thought, "I've never seen this model before March 1st. What is his name again? Scott Carter."  Then, I said aloud, "Good morning, Scott."  It made me feel good to say his name with confidence.  I decide to use this moment as an exercise and say "Good morning, Scott" every day until I can do it without peeking down at his name listed below his balls.  I hope it will remind me to repeat a person's name when we are introduced and perhaps repeat it a few times in my head while they are still in view.  Of course, it doesn't help that the shadow of the clothing bar falls right across his face, and the faces of all the other models in the calendar.  I guess I'll have to work just a little bit harder at placing the name with the face.  (Honestly, I'd be quite impressed with myself if I could place a name to a cock!  Only because that would mean I met a cock or two.) (wah wah)

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I am mortified that I am so horrible at names and not much better at remembering them.  I am also pleased with myself that I've found a practical use for my neked mens calendar from Colt!

...Now please, enjoy a few images from that lovely reception:

Congratulations, Jerry & Greg!!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age - 24 Legacy

Well, it happened this weekend; I went to the gym and I didn't burst into flames! (Although, sometimes my sweat burns me like holy water...)  As you may recall, my 50th birthday is approaching and I made my Recreate Geoff at 50 Project goal to recreate my friend, Geoff's photo- which is him, nearly neked, looking fit at 50.  I've taken my first official steps in that direction.  After well over a year, I made the grueling five minute walk to 24 Hour Fitness in the West Hollywood and did stuff that makes me ache and almost not be able to even type in this entry.  I forgot one of my general rules about the gym from years ago, "You can slow down, but don't ever stop".  That's because starting all over again from zero is a BITCH!

In order to apply more incentive than posting a nearly nude photo of myself for all the internets to see, I've decided to travel to New Zealand & Australia for my Big 50 birthday trip.  It will be Spring there and hopefully warm enough to take a dip at the several beaches I'll be near.  I would like to look fairly decent in a pair of actual Aussie Bum swimwears!   I don't expect I'll be Super Model ready, but I hope to look less schlumpy and a little more like this guy...

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know it's important to strive to achieve one's goals.  It is equally important not to scare of any potential Kiwi or Bloke husbands while in one's donger wrap!