Too Busy For Love - Drag Season Overload Part 3

I'd love to go to that swimming party with you where all the hunky guys ask us to rub sunblock on their rock hard muscly backs, but I can't!  I'm too busy!

After attending the fun goings on at Overboard LBC, I had to get up early, apply some slap, slip into a dress and hop onto a float!

I rode the BEST IN DRAG SHOW float in the Long Beach Pride Pride Parade.  I had a lovely time!  I enjoyed the festivities with my fellow BIDS contestants...

Totally showed my appreciation to the banner bearers...

Laughed at the funny stuff event leader, Lotta Slots, was saying over the loud speaker...

And completely surrendered to the help of our hunky helpers and co-floatees!

The parade itself was a very nice time!  

I loved seeing Grand Marshal, Alexandra Billings!

I enjoyed myself very much and regret that my poor planning has me in NY and unable to ride the BIDS float in the LA Pride Parade.

Meanwhile, I'm still dragging it up this week in VIVA LAS CHICAS

(Photo by Mike Pingel)

 And trying to get with cute guys in the audience...

(Photo by Mike Pingel)

There's still tickets for one of our many performance tonight and tomorrow

Get tickets Here

So while I'd like to get all hot with you, rubbing hot mens back and fighting UV rays, 

I can't! I'm too busy!!

Gay of A Certain Age - S/He & Me and Me

As you may recall, I claimed to be very busy last weekend, with condoms & marches & such...  One of the events I was busy attending was Alexandra Billings' show S/He & Me, which is, basically, a show about her life.  Now, I've known Alexandra since we met on the set of SOCKET, a movie she in which she was a lead and I turned in a surprisingly inept  performance as an extra.  We had a scene together, where there were only 4 people on-camera, and even though we had never met, she was sweet as pie and made me feel very comfortable shooting a scene in a movie that was shooting very quickly.  Since then we've done a number of things together; like me guesting in her show KATIE'S CORNER, where she's Katherine Hepburn doing a weekly talk show, staged readings of VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and MOMMIE DEAREST, and such.  We haven't spent a lot of personal time together beyond the requisite after-show eats at Denny's, but we're terribly close on Facebook and Instagram!  Let's just say that I've spent enough time with Alexandra to say I'm pretty sure I know who she is as a person and I get her.  Here's where I get into trouble.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I tend to set up little traps for myself, a lot of which have to do with assumptions I don't even know I'm making.  I've learned (and apparently keep re-learning) that sometimes gay folk (namely me) assume that since they are gay that they know and understand everything about "Gay" and all of its surrounding initials (namely B, L, T, Q).  I assumed that my knowledge gained during my journey to and experience in GAY made me an expert of sorts on everything else.  I am quick to empathize and sympathize because "I know".  I am quick to become an ally because, "I know".  I don't have to think about or consider anything else because, "I know"...
Then once in awhile, I'll get knocked on my ass (figuratively) because I discover I don't REALLY know.  I work for the City of West Hollywood, where you can't swing a faded Nagel litho without hitting a gay.  HR held a sensitivity training for employees focused on Transgender folk, which I attended even though I already knew everything.  There, I was knocked on my ass (figuratively) because I realized I knew A & Z and this training filled in a lot of letters in between.  One of the things I realized in that training is that sexuality and gender and identity are not all tied together, being one doesn't necessarily mean you are the other...  anyway I felt like an idiot for thinking I already knew.

I step back now and separate what I understand from what I know.  I realize that my journey is not everybody else's and probably not even close to 99% of everyone else's.  Now, I move through life with that new understanding and thinking.   At least I thought I did.   Alexandra is a very open person.  If you follow her on Facebook or Instagram, you know her history and journey, you know where she comes from, what she's been through, how she feels; she's the first to tell you.  Even though I knew all that, I realized I don't already know Alexandra.  First of all, as the show began, she sang.  I started crying because I didn't know she could sing.  Yes, I knew she sang, because she shared stories about it and she sang in VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, but I didn't really get to see and hear it because I was either backstage or on stage behind her trying not to drown in my flop-sweat.  This was the first time I actually sat and took in this particular talent of hers.  As the show went on, I really enjoyed the way familiar songs from other shows were given new meaning in the context of Alexandra's story, as presented.  I don't think I ever reached a point where my eyes were completely dry, because as I was learning more about her, I would be hit by feeling after feeling;  I was sad when she met tragedy or disappointment, was excited when I saw a different nuance in her performance, I was happy because the show was wonderful and everyone in it was great.  I had more different emotions to tear up for that David Mamet has ways to use "fuck".  And again I was knocked on my ass with all the things I didn't know.  I understand that transitioning from one person to another is difficult for everyone involved and that sometimes it causes a huge rift in relationships.
Even though I understand that, I didn't know that sometimes the pain a mother feels isn't because her son is now her daughter, it's because she actually misses that son.  I didn't realize that that resentment and pain could be tied up in a love for the daughter that took that son away.  I didn't realize that while there is a joy and relief in becoming the person you've always knew you should be, that the old one doesn't just disappear and in order to manage the old one you may have to be cruel and destructive to him (yourself).  I didn't realize how much strength could be found in someone who loves you so deeply and strongly that your deepest, scariest, saddest self cannot scare them away.  I didn't realize how much I could cry at so many different things in one sitting.  Yes, I was destroyed after the show. There was no subtle wiping the cheeks with my sleeve as I applauded.  There was no hiding the tracks of this journey.

I proudly wore my cry face as I made my way out of the theatre and to my car.  I didn't get to see Alexandra after the show, and quite frankly it's best that I didn't.  I don't think I would have been able to utter a word without crying.  There was so much stirred up in me, mostly joy and happiness for Alexandra.  Also, as a Gay of A Certain Age, I know it would be foolish of me to think NOW, I know Alexandra, because people are not their shows.  That is to say, as a writer, I know that sometimes while everything can be true, some of it is exaggerated or muted to make a point or stay focused.  Aside from the great production and performances, one of the things I really appreciate is the kick in the ass and reminder that I don't know it all.  What I do know is Alexandra is a super hero and truth & light are her super powers!

Now please enjoy one of my guest turns as Frieda Laye in Alexandra's show KATIE'S CORNER

Gay of a Certain Age - Cry Baby

I'm a rather busy gay, so I've had to watch TRANSPARENT a few episodes at a time(You know, in my day, they aired T.V. show episodes one at a time every week, except on holidays or special events, so sometimes you'd have to wait three weeks to see what happens next!) I finished the season last night and I was so damned pleased! I really like the show. If you'd seen my face, you might not know that. At the last scene in episode 9, I found my face wet with the wetness coming from my eyes.

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I find that I'll cry openly while enjoying a movie, t.v. show, stage show, song, particularly good serving of flan... It's not just sad things that'll bring me to tears, it's also beauty, happiness, empathy and lately, it's been simple acts of kindness. If you'll remember, FUN HOME really kicked my ass and I left that show puffy eyed and emotionally fragile. I love when that happens! Once in awhile, I'll let vanity win out and I'll try to hide the fact that I'd just cried at a Paul Rudd buddy movie, but as I get older, I'm starting to wear my tear stripes with pride. So, as I took a walk with Ed at the end of episode 9 and into the final episode of the season, I was puffy eyed & red and thinking of my own Ed-ness, especially in regards to this blog. I cried a little more the next half hour, but most of that was happiness for Alexandra Billings. I was so happy for her and her success and the great response to the show that gives her a chance to work and touch us with her performance. I met her while I was an extra in a movie called SOCKET and she was playing a doctor. We had a scene together where she was being a doctor and I was being unconvincing as guy with surgical mask and cotton pads. She was a very nice actress lady. It wasn't until I was a guest in her stage show KATIE'S CORNER that I found out what a hoot she is! This woman is a KOOK in the most wonderful way. Since then, I've done a few more Katie's Corners with her, as well as a few staged readings as fund raisers for AIDS/LifeCycle (All of this is thanks to Sean Abley, who continues to use me in stuff). Alexandra is also a beam of light, I love the way she spreads beauty and wisdom in her every day postings. I always feel something when I read what she writes, whether it's a lump in my throat or a giggle in the back of my mouth, it's sometimes accompanied by a tear or two... she touches me like that, because i'm a Gay of a Certain Age, I guess. You don't have to look too closely to see the tracks of my tears, they're right there, next to the laugh lines. This is me with Alexandra at the Young Frankenstein reading:

And this is something I stole from her Facebook page today, I hope she doesn't mind:

I was standing in line waiting for my double dipped espresso latte vente special chocolate shmengie-pumped-something, longing for the days when all I had to say was "Sanka, please" and my caffeine addiction was fixed, and from behind me, I heard my name. I turned and saw a mother and her daughter sitting at a table and smiling at me. Both blondes and both sat, hands folded as if they had just finished saying grace.

"We love your show." the mother said, breathy and with great purpose.

I walked closer to them, moving a few people to the side as the line was getting longer and longer.

"Thank you. What's your name?" I asked her.

"I'm Margaret and this is my daughter, Anna. She's eight years old. "

Anna looked up at me and smiled and held out her hand. I shook it. She stared at me with her sea-blue eyes and then calmly straightened a curl that had fallen over her face. She then, stood up and motioned me to come near to her. We walked away from the table and over to the corner. The sun fell through the glass that surrounded us and seemed to land directly around her, as if she were radiating light and the calling for me was historic and resonate.

"My name is Anna and that's what I call myself now... But I'm keeping Mark as my middle name... what do you think? Anna-Mark?"

I stood there, holding on to her hand. I was breathless. She smiled and the light of her reflected on to me and we held on to each other, standing in the corner being seen through the glass and speaking what was true for us. I then heard a clear "Alex?" from the distance, reminding me of my own past and the years of shame and rage attached to who I thought I was and what it was supposed to mean and how I needed to hold on to it and the ownership of others and my eventual surrender to the Divine guidance of my own truth.

"I am Alexandra-Scott. I think your decision is a great gift. For you and for others. And I thank you."

As we let each other go, and Anna walked back to her table, leaving the light in the corner, I caught her moving one more time, that pesky strand of blonde hair from her face, and snuggling close to her mother. And as I heard my name from across the room and walked toward it with gratefulness and wonder, I heard Anna giggle....and I did the same.