Hello! Had you forgotten about me?
See, the thing is, not only have I been too busy for love, I've been busy being busy!
One of the things I was busy with was rehearsing for CHICAS IN SPACE
It was a little bit of a rehearsal process for a one hour show, but it was such a hoot to do
and we got a new hunk to enjoy!
Something else that has been keeping me busy is decluttering my home! I've been going through hell going through stuff and letting it go. Before you ask, No, I have not seen the "Spark Joy" lady. I'm afraid she'll get me to say goodbye to too many things. Anyway, one of my brilliant ideas was to take all my overstuffed photo albums, remove the photos, toss the albums and scan the photos. My problem now, is I'm still having trouble throwing out a good number of the photos after they've been scanned! ...Anyway, what that led to was me finding pics of myself from days gone by, when I didn't think I looked all that great.
Me, 1999
I don't mean to sound as if I think I'm Mr. Hot Stud, God's Gift To Gays & Instagram, which I do not. I'm just trying to say that looking back... I was better looking than I allowed myself to believe.
Me, 1998
Obviously, I had some sense of self esteem that allowed me to play sexy in these pics, but that's all I thought I was doing; playing, pretending to think I was sexy, or in some other unposted shots, obviously spoofing sexy. As I got older, I got even more self conscience. In this pic from a Miami visit in 2003...
The entire time I was in South Beach with my friends, I thought I was so fat! All my friends were lean & toned and I was embarrassed to be in my swimsuit next to them. I wasn't necessarily crying about it and I obviously didn't stop myself from leaving my hotel room in my trunks and having a great time, but it was a little naggy thing in my head the entire time.
Now, I am the most out of shape I have ever been and when I pose for pictures I try to find clever ways to hide my belly or just suck it in really hard. Don't get me wrong, this isn't about me looking back and crying about my lost body and, wah wah wah, I'm fat. Well, maybe a little...
Getting back to decluttering my home. So, another part of the process is the yard sale. Yes, I was ready for this year's edition of Brett's Big Gay Yard Sale! We didn't sell a lot but, we did have a big gay blast!
We even had a photo shoot right in the middle of it!
Here's a shot where you can see I'm a little uncomfortable taking a full body shot, worrying about my belly.
Regardless of my mild discomfort, I was still able to get out a few fabulous shots. Here's the one that made the Facebook story.
And the group shot...
And while we didn't sell a lot, everything that didn't sell went directly to
Out of the Closet.
So, our homes are a little less cluttered and we went out to celebrate!
Off we marched to
Marix for tacos and Margaritas.
...And that's where it happened. There, a man I find attractive (but unavailable) told me he has always found me attractive from afar and that he really has a thing for my belly. Then he quickly rubbed muh tumtums. I liked it!
WHAT?
That was the the best thing to hear after fawning over my own old photos of me with a nicer body. (Yeah, I'm lusting after my younger self, SO WHAT?)
If anything, it's a nice reminder that no matter how I feel about my appearance, there'll someone out there who loves the way I look.
As a Gay of A Certain Age I learned that when I'm having a low self esteem day, all I have to do is flash forward to 20 years from now, find myself attractive, then masturbate.
Honestly, just masturbating always makes me happy.
...I gotta go, suddenly...
)
