Happy 4th of July 2019!

...Unless you're in a concentration camp.

Gay of A Certain Age - A Clutter of Memories and Yes, Touch Me There Taco Friend!

Hello!  Had you forgotten about me?
See, the thing is, not only have I been too busy for love, I've been busy being busy!
One of the things I was busy with was rehearsing for CHICAS IN SPACE

It was a little bit of a rehearsal process for a one hour show, but it was such a hoot to do

and we got a new hunk to enjoy!

Something else that has been keeping me busy is decluttering my home!  I've been going through hell going through stuff and letting it go.  Before you ask, No, I have not seen the "Spark Joy" lady.  I'm afraid she'll get me to say goodbye to too many things. Anyway, one of my brilliant ideas was to take all my overstuffed photo albums, remove the photos, toss the albums and scan the photos.  My problem now, is I'm still having trouble throwing out a good number of the photos after they've been scanned!  ...Anyway, what that led to was me finding pics of myself from days gone by, when I didn't think I looked all that great.

Me, 1999

I don't mean to sound as if I think I'm Mr. Hot Stud, God's Gift To Gays & Instagram, which I do not.  I'm just trying to say that looking back... I was better looking than I allowed myself to believe.

Me,  1998

Obviously, I had some sense of self esteem that allowed me to play sexy in these pics, but that's all I thought I was doing; playing, pretending to think I was sexy, or in some other unposted shots, obviously spoofing sexy.  As I got older, I got even more self conscience.  In this pic from a Miami visit in 2003...

The entire time I was in South Beach with my friends, I thought I was so fat!  All my friends were lean & toned and I was embarrassed to be in my swimsuit next to them.  I wasn't necessarily crying about it and I obviously didn't stop myself from leaving my hotel room in my trunks and having a great time, but it was a little naggy thing in my head the entire time.

Now, I am the most out of shape I have ever been and when I pose for pictures I try to find clever ways to hide my belly or just suck it in really hard.  Don't get me wrong, this isn't about me looking back and crying about my lost body and, wah wah wah, I'm fat.  Well, maybe a little...

Getting back to decluttering my home.  So, another part of the process is the yard sale.  Yes, I was ready for this year's edition of Brett's Big Gay Yard Sale!  We didn't sell a lot but, we did have a big gay blast!

We even had a photo shoot right in the middle of it!
Here's a shot where you can see I'm a little uncomfortable taking a full body shot, worrying about my belly.

Regardless of my mild discomfort, I was still able to get out a few fabulous shots.  Here's the one that made the Facebook story.

And the group shot...

And while we didn't sell a lot, everything that didn't sell went directly to Out of the Closet.

So, our homes are a little less cluttered and we went out to celebrate!

Off we marched to Marix for tacos and Margaritas.

...And that's where it happened.  There, a man I find attractive (but unavailable) told me he has always found me attractive from afar and that he really has a thing for my belly. Then he quickly rubbed muh tumtums.  I liked it!

WHAT?

That was the the best thing to hear after fawning over my own old photos of me with a nicer body. (Yeah, I'm lusting after my younger self, SO WHAT?)

If anything, it's a nice reminder that no matter how I feel about my appearance, there'll someone out there who loves the way I look.

As a Gay of A Certain Age I learned that when I'm having a low self esteem day, all I have to do is flash forward to 20 years from now, find myself attractive, then masturbate.
Honestly, just masturbating always makes me happy.
...I gotta go, suddenly...

This Is Why I Am Single - 'Member? Monday

This is when I went to Miami with a group of muh DABs!  'Member?  This was my first time in Miami and it was such a great time.  Here's the thing, I might have had an even better time, but I had something weighing on me... my weight.  I thought I was hideously fat.  When I found this picture while looking for another one, I was all, "What?? I thought I was fat?"  Crazy, right? ...'Cause I'm looking at that pic and thinking to myself, 'I'd do me.'  (I'm the one on the left).  Isn't it crazy how looking back at something with today's eyes can totally change an hard held opinion one had in the past?

This Is Why I Am Single; even though I have had the revelation that I wasn't as fat as I thought I was and shouldn't have let it encumber my enjoyment of Miami,  I can't look at myself now with tomorrow's eyes and convince myself that I'm not as fat as I think I am.  Yeah, this week my evil scale told me I'm the heaviest I've ever been.  Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, and I'm already heading back down to my almost acceptable/settling-for plateau weight, through a little dieting.  My weight does sometimes knock my self-esteem down, while sometimes, I don't let it get in the way, or very rarely, I might feel like it's the reason I'm sexy to someone.  I will say, that over the years, while I have not lost or even maintained that weight, I've done better at dealing with the way I let it affect me.  Obviously, I haven't gotten any better at feeling badly enough about it that I go to the gym... but, that's another "This Is Why I Am Single", ain't it?

He Don't Even Know! - Miami Surprise

This is "Jay"!

"Jay" is gay!

We got this shirt when he surprised me with a trip to Miami!

He told me to pack for a weekend in Santa Barbara,

but when we went to LAX instead of North on the 101

I knew something was up!

Of course, he knew everything in my suitcase

wasn't appropriate for Miami,

so he prepared for a nice shopping trip.

We got this shirt because I made some crack 

about not fitting in on South Beach.

"Do I look gay enough?" I joked.

While shopping was fun, 

the better time was back at the Edison

where we tried stuff on,

and more importantly, 

where we made out like crazy

in between outfits.

Pretty soon, 

clothes were the last thing we had on

our minds.

I don't think I saw much of South Beach...

He Don't Even Know! - South Beach Dream

Here's my South Beach Dream boyfriend

I imagine that he has recorded all episodes of

QUE PASA, USA?

 to watch in bed with me

because it's bilingual and we both love
Steven Bauer.