Getting Out - Cinco de Mayo for Uno

Today I woke up and put on my celebratory Cinco de Mayo t-shirt and started work as usual, then I finally got a twinge.  I don't know if I'm the biggest weirdo in the world, but I have really been enjoying this quarantine stuff!  I don't mind being alone and I don't miss people because I see and hear family, friends and co-workers everyday through Marco Polo and Zoom- Heck I see more of my family now than I did before!  

...But I remembered the excitement I had when I bought this shirt to wear today

I anticipated seeing my friends at Marix, having a couple of margaritas, eating chips & tacos and laughing, like we've done for years before.  Then, I realized by this time in the year, we would have had a few Sunday Fundays or big brunches... just the usual fun get together stuff.  Today for the first time, I feel a twinge of missing life outside.

Then, I think of all the idiots out there, who are not acting responsibly and probably dragging this out much longer than need be .  I think of the people who are risking their lives to help those who are fighting to keep their lives.  I think of those who have lost their lives.  I think of those who have lost loved ones.  I think, "Yeah, I can do this longer."  

So, instead of going out for margaritas, laughs and spotting hotties today, I'll just remember the past celebrations with the crap load of photos I have.  Cripes, why else do I have so many?

So in no particular order here are some fun memories of Cinco de Mayos past...

Finally, a pic from when I spent a Cinco de Mayo with Chico's Angels, performing at Here Lounge (now, dead and gone) posing with a bartender.  You may know him as Dean Phoenix, I know him as one of the sweetest men, ever!

Gay of A Certain Age - A Clutter of Memories and Yes, Touch Me There Taco Friend!

Hello!  Had you forgotten about me?
See, the thing is, not only have I been too busy for love, I've been busy being busy!
One of the things I was busy with was rehearsing for CHICAS IN SPACE

It was a little bit of a rehearsal process for a one hour show, but it was such a hoot to do

and we got a new hunk to enjoy!

Something else that has been keeping me busy is decluttering my home!  I've been going through hell going through stuff and letting it go.  Before you ask, No, I have not seen the "Spark Joy" lady.  I'm afraid she'll get me to say goodbye to too many things. Anyway, one of my brilliant ideas was to take all my overstuffed photo albums, remove the photos, toss the albums and scan the photos.  My problem now, is I'm still having trouble throwing out a good number of the photos after they've been scanned!  ...Anyway, what that led to was me finding pics of myself from days gone by, when I didn't think I looked all that great.

Me, 1999

I don't mean to sound as if I think I'm Mr. Hot Stud, God's Gift To Gays & Instagram, which I do not.  I'm just trying to say that looking back... I was better looking than I allowed myself to believe.

Me,  1998

Obviously, I had some sense of self esteem that allowed me to play sexy in these pics, but that's all I thought I was doing; playing, pretending to think I was sexy, or in some other unposted shots, obviously spoofing sexy.  As I got older, I got even more self conscience.  In this pic from a Miami visit in 2003...

The entire time I was in South Beach with my friends, I thought I was so fat!  All my friends were lean & toned and I was embarrassed to be in my swimsuit next to them.  I wasn't necessarily crying about it and I obviously didn't stop myself from leaving my hotel room in my trunks and having a great time, but it was a little naggy thing in my head the entire time.

Now, I am the most out of shape I have ever been and when I pose for pictures I try to find clever ways to hide my belly or just suck it in really hard.  Don't get me wrong, this isn't about me looking back and crying about my lost body and, wah wah wah, I'm fat.  Well, maybe a little...

Getting back to decluttering my home.  So, another part of the process is the yard sale.  Yes, I was ready for this year's edition of Brett's Big Gay Yard Sale!  We didn't sell a lot but, we did have a big gay blast!

We even had a photo shoot right in the middle of it!
Here's a shot where you can see I'm a little uncomfortable taking a full body shot, worrying about my belly.

Regardless of my mild discomfort, I was still able to get out a few fabulous shots.  Here's the one that made the Facebook story.

And the group shot...

And while we didn't sell a lot, everything that didn't sell went directly to Out of the Closet.

So, our homes are a little less cluttered and we went out to celebrate!

Off we marched to Marix for tacos and Margaritas.

...And that's where it happened.  There, a man I find attractive (but unavailable) told me he has always found me attractive from afar and that he really has a thing for my belly. Then he quickly rubbed muh tumtums.  I liked it!

WHAT?

That was the the best thing to hear after fawning over my own old photos of me with a nicer body. (Yeah, I'm lusting after my younger self, SO WHAT?)

If anything, it's a nice reminder that no matter how I feel about my appearance, there'll someone out there who loves the way I look.

As a Gay of A Certain Age I learned that when I'm having a low self esteem day, all I have to do is flash forward to 20 years from now, find myself attractive, then masturbate.
Honestly, just masturbating always makes me happy.
...I gotta go, suddenly...

Getting Out - Of Margaritan Descent

I am a proud American of Mexican descent and I can tell you, with no reservations, that last night, after work, I went to Marix, met up with some DABs & friends and celebrated Cinco de Mayo responsibly.  Because some of my DABs & friends are ethnically challenged, I was sure to start the festivities off with a full explanation of what Cino de Mayo means in Mexico.  In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo means Fifth of May.  In the U.S. it means, get dressed up in potentially offensive garb & fake mustaches and get wasted!  I'm not one of the Latinos who is horribly offended by the bastardization of the occasion because I figure any celebration of anything Mexican is a plus!  I'm just saying, Celebrate now before Trump is elected president, buys up Hallmark and gets the day cancelled in the states...

 AND

CELEBRATE

 WE DID!!

Sure, we might have drunk a little too much...

...and enjoyed a little campy stereotyping,

but not all mustaches were fake

and we gave the margaritas right back!

It was a perfectly harmless night, especially when I actually followed my own rule and had food to sop up the alcohol, instead of my spongy brain.  We walked over to Basix, where I enjoyed some tasty carnitas & iced tea, while muh DABS, enjoyed a pizza and tacos.  Despite it being a work night, I was very glad that I did not just schlep home after work and watch TV, like part of me told me too. Getting out is good!  ...especially if it includes a nice bit of man watching/husband chasing!

(Too sober to love me)

(Too sober to love me)

(at this point, tequila is USELESS!)

This annual tradition of post-work Marix & Basix margarita/fooding is a very nice thing for me. I enjoy being around my friends, old & new, laughing & catching up, watching mens, flirting with strangers and trying to figure out whose pitcher is whose.  This has happened for many years and I hope it continues.  Maybe that's why I don't mind the things that other Latinos find offensive and distasteful, although I can see why they would be: It's just that right where I am, all that shit comes from a place of love & joy.