He Don't Even Know! BREAKTHROUGH!

While responding to a comment left by Peter on my first He Don't Even Know entry, I had a Breakthrough!  I started DieAloneWithMe.com as a a light & humorous look at being over 40, single and not necessarily making finding a partner a top priority or commiserating on how difficult it can seem.  I do have the hope that there could be something of substance to my entries, but I didn't think that this soon into it I would make an interesting (to me) discovery about myself.

Peter quite respectfully expressed his point of view on my sneaking pics of guys.  I think that because it wasn't mean and snarky, I actually thought about my response instead of just tossing off a sarcstic come back.  While recounting my experience of being on the other end of a sly lens, it occurred to me that my reaction was, "oh well," but deep inside, thinking that someone might have found me attractive enough to sneak a photo hit me somewhere left of Ego and straight on through to I Really Needed That, in a kind of sad way.  I realized that I'm compelled to sneak these pictures because I really desire someone to do that to me (find me attractive).  BREAKTHROUGH!

I don't think that my realization does anything make it less creepy to people, but I do hope it does help with understanding it.  As a reminder, HE DON'T EVEN KNOW! is short for He don't even know he's my boyfriend and not necessarily he don't even know I took his pic.  As you can see above, he does know I'm taking his pic, but he doesn't know he's my (imaginary) boyfriend.

That's Chris Rockway, I had no idea who he was when I took this pic.