Sunday, February 26, 2017

Gay of a Certain Age - A New Language

No, I'm not impersonating the current President of the US, I'm going to talk about urinals.  More importantly I'm going to talk about what happens at urinals that has me concerned about my future peeing while standing adventures.  One day at work, I was taking my break, enjoying a nice tinkle at the urinal, when a co-worker took the spot next to me.  I don't know what I was thinking about, (it was prolly about the Rube Goldberg contraption thing never worked for me in the board game, Mousetrap), but suddenly I was pulled out of those thoughts because I believed my co-worker had said something to me.  (Do you think it's weird when someone starts talking to you while you pee, too?) He didn't actually say anything, though.  It was more of a noise.  From his mouth.  It was something somewhere between a sigh and a groan.  Then, as I was trying to figure out what I heard, he did it again.  He's a little bit older than me, but not much.  It was odd.  Then I started to notice it more when I would urinate in the same room with older mens.

What is this strange release of sound that accompanies the tinkling of older guys?  Of course, one is never surprised to hear a little toot come from someone, once in a while, because there's complicated pipe control going on down there, where sometimes it's hard to tell which release valve is loosening... but what is that coming from their mouths?  Sometimes, it's like a hum, a sigh, a moan, a groan, a death rattle, et al.  Is it pleasure, pain, or just plain relief? And more importantly, DO I MAKE THOSE SOUNDS?   Is it a language that spontaneously develops at the age of 50, or something?
I guess it worries me because it sounds like they don't know they are making that sound and I shiver at the thought of sounds coming out of me that I'm not aware of!  If they are aware of these sounds, why don't they stop them? If you're going to say something, say it. Don't make me wonder or assume what's going on next to me.  I have a crazy imagination and you have no idea what kind of BLACK MIRROR type shit I can conjure up!  Don't do that to me!  And for piss sakes, tell me if I'm making those noises!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I may not be able to control my stream, but I'd like to think I can control my sighs.

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