Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Gay of A Certain Age/This Is Why I Am Single - FU@% Vaudeville!

I think that this is the first time I have ever had a combo topic, but it is so true for this incident! This story starts off with an innocent visit to my dentist's office... with a little attitude.  You see, my dentist retired no long ago with very little fanfare; in fact there was no party or coffee date in a public place to explain why we wouldn't ever see each other again.  No.  I got an email.  I already had a teeth cleaning on the books, so I kept my appointment, if only to give that office what for!  I expected I would see my former dentist's partner when I walked in, but I did not.  I was quickly escorted the fancy chair in the new office.  ...OMG! THAT'S another thing!  They just moved office's not that long ago and I'm not thrilled with the new open vibe in there.  There are no walls between rooms!  maybe a book shelf or a couple of garden David statues lined up really close, but no walls!  The more I think about it, the more I'm certain that this will be my last visit to Dentist & Dentist DDS!

While in the chair the nice teeth cleaner lady asked, "Do you know Dr. Dentist retired?"  To which I replied in a tone that almost made it sound like I wasn't kidding, "Yes. I got the email. ...like the last time I was broken up with."  >WHAM!<   Boy, did she almost react!  Little by little my attitude waned as the teeth cleaning lady complemented my mouth and did a nice cleaning rather quickly.  Despite the nice service, I was ready to write my farewell on a post-it note from the receptionist's desk. Then, the teeth cleaning lady said, "Here's Dr. New Dentist to see how you're doing."

I felt a warm presence next to me.  I slowly turned and looked up and sar the sweetest Ginger dentist I had ever seen.  He was smiling at me in my chair as I ran my tongue over my teeth to get any residual Hi C punch flavored polish off of them.  Suddenly, I was a giddy teen-aged girl, all blushing & such.  "So..." he said and kept talking, but all I could hear was angels singing.  I think I got out a "yes" here and a "no" there without drooling (Which I realize now I could have blamed on Novacane I didn't get, but he wouldn't know!)  Then, I realized he was finished with angel singing and asked, "Do you have any questions?" So, not wanting our interaction to end, despite having no questions, I asked "Yes.  Will I be able to play the piano?"  Then, there was the most nausea-inducing silence I ever heard in my life.  Followed by a pause.  A Pinter pause.  Then I said, "Nevermind, it's an old Vaudeville joke." To which he felt the need to point out, "Yeah it didn't land," and walked away.  JESUS CHRIST?? "WILL I BE ABLE TO PLAY THE PIANO???"  This Is Why I Am Single.  VAUDE FUCKING VILLE? gay of a certain age. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?  On the other hand, what jokes are they telling in doctor school these days?

Anyway, I'm staying with Dentist & Dentist DDS, for now.  I have to redeem that moment!!  I wonder if he's seen LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS... Hmmm.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you found a new dentist. I thought your joke was very funny, but I should reference that I'm also single, so maybe that disqualifies me as far as judging flirtatious humor. Hang in there! I think you made a very good impression on him. At the very least he'll remember you for next time! Enjoyed your blog!

    Marco @ Natural Dentistry