F.U. Cupid- It's a Zoo$k Out There

Alright, I'm not having much luck on FU Cupid, so when I saw a Top 10 New Dating Apps article, I just went ahead with their top choice, ZOOSK.  I hate it.

First of all, I posted a few pics that I think look like me...
This is my profile picture

I think it's pretty good; I'm looking directly in the camera, it's in focus, the background is only threatening to be more interesting than me, my smile indicates I'm happy to be here, fun & open and you can tell how fat I am by my face.  Nothing deceptive going on here besides a little color boost.

I set a up a profile, that could be better, but at least is very specific about what I like & who I am.

So, I set off on my new adventure, hopping on to the Carousel ride known as "Carousel" (If you're hep with movie references, 'Carousel' , in LOGAN'S RUN, was where people are spun around and shot to death when they reach 30 years of age, so to me, this is not a good thing).  Here, Carousel is where you click and either like or don't like guys based on only their photo using a big "X" or checkmark.  Immediately, I'm struck by the fact that there a lot of unfortunate looking fellas in my area.  I don't mean to sound snobby or Looksist, but so many of these guys look like they've given up!  I'm looking at a range between 35-60 and most of them have a look on their faces that looks like the wish they had opted for the Logan's Run Carousel years ago!  To be honest some of them might be more appealing if they had chosen photos that don't feature them in; 1. Sunglasses and hats (hiding them like some kind of kooky heroine in a 70's heist spoof) 2.  Pain (Seriously, some of the expressions on these guys make them look like they're passing a kidney stone!)  3. The middle of a convulsion (Shaky camera work, blurry photo... do they not know how to work a camera, decide what is a good photo or trying to hide something) 4. Swimwear that they should not be in (Usually, more coverage is preferred). 5. A line up at the police station (Some of these guys look like they just stepped out of prison, and not realeased for good behavior).

Look, I know picking a profile pic isn't the easiest thing in the world, but one should be concerned whether it is a basically good shot as well as one that conveys some truth about one's self.

Some of the basic mistakes I see are;

Distance Shots

I mean, c'mon!  I think you might be cute... the best I could tell from this shot is one's weight/body proportion (vaguely) and your next door neighbor is very kind for taking a picture for you from their living room window.

Bad Lighting

At least I know this guy has a head.  ... and central air (Bonus!)

Parts is Parts

The body parts shot is never more disturbing than when it is just a part of a face.  What's going on below the frame, you got the Alien retractable 2nd set of jaws down there?

Again, I hardly think I'm any sort of Adonis, but these issues in photos bother me not because I'm a photo snob (Which I am), but because they all occur for the one primary reason... they are hiding something.  I don't know if they're just shy, insecure or tricksters at heart, but I'm not attracted to any of those things, so I move on.  SERIOUSLY though, how difficult is it to get a well lit, in focus picture with your face in the middle of it???  

Then there are the ones whom I do find attractive, but are incompatible because their profile says things like "smoker", "fit for fit only" and the hugest turn off ever, "Straight acting here, looking for the same".  I can't believe people still write that shit and still don't know what it says about them.

Well, I did manage to find someone whose profile I found as attractive as their pic, so I sent him a message saying "Hi".  That's when the little window popped up "Upgrade if you want to know if he's read your message!"  Wait, I paid 59.99 for 3 months and that's not included?  I clicked on the button and found all these other NOT CHEAP upgrades that should be included for 59.99 (Which automatically renews!)   There is "Guarantee that anyone can respond to you" for 9.99 a month (Wait, I can send 15 messages to someone, but never know that they can't reply to me?- after paying 9.99 a month to know that they read message?) There's "Control your visibility" for 8.99 a month (is it worth that much to control whether a guy I'm not stalking can see if I looked at his profile?) There's "Boost your visibility" for 9.99 (Which implies that they are holding back my profile in some way- and that $59.99 is not enough) "Instant Crush" for 9.99 lets that person know that you like them when they randomly click on your profile, if ever. (So I click the star thingy to say I like someone, but they don't know until I pay extra?? WTF? Who the hell am I telling I like this person when I click the star, if not THAT guy???)  Of course, all of these boosts and bonuses renew automatically seperately, so you have to be on your toes or you could end up spending $100 on useless profiles & add ons.  I'm only slightly surprised I haven't seen "Cat In The Hat" which lets you know if the man you're talking to and really interested in is actually real or some being made up by the Assholes at Zoosk. "Anti-Vanity" for only 8.99 a month you can be sure that your profile is visible to more than just you!   At this rate, the stupid app should be called Zoo$k.

After this fresh hell, I've realized that OK Cupid isn't as bad as I thought, but still- this on-line dating stuff is crap- F U Cupid!!

Too Busy For Love - Angel in America

I'd love to have gone to that Mardi Gras thing in Sydney, Australia with you on that gay cruise and find loving on the high seas, but I'm too busy visiting New York!

I flew in Thursday, just in time to set my stuff down, rush to dinner with Muh DAB, Richard, at Junior's

Then, rush out and find my seat at ANGELS IN AMERICA PART 2

'Wait,' one might be thinking, 'you're just gonna walk into part 2 willy nilly?'  Well, here's the thing, one time when I was too busy going to Fathom events and not finding love, I saw this very same production of ANGELS IN AMERICA PART 1 on the big screen.  I missed the second part because the screening date landing on my work meeting night.  So when I went to find a half price ticket to a show at TKTS, I saw this up there and thought, 'I've seen part one, and I've been flying all day, so I'll probably end up nodding off here & there during act 1 and I know the show, so I won't be lost when I'm actually fully awake...' So this show won.

I had seen Andrew Garfield and Nathan "ick, gross" Lane in Part 1, but I was excited to see that Lee Pace was new to the cast as Joseph, who was played by Russel Tovy in the part 1 I saw.  It wasn't until after the show that I got upset when I realized that I missed Russel Tovy's nude scene!  No offense Lee, but cripes! Russel Tovy neked!!

After the show I headed to Times Square to see the lights and such...

...and to see if there were any cuties out. There were...

Friday, I hopped out of bed and onto a bus to get across town to lunch with my friend Kenneth,  of Kenneth in the 212.  We caught up over a tasty meal at Westville, then he went to work and I went back to my quarters to cry.

I cried because all of a sudden there was sleet and ice and coldy stuffs falling out of the sky while blustery winds blustered!

So I stayed in, until it was time for my next show

I braved the blasting cold winds to get to the theatre to see Edward Albee's THREE TALL WOMEN

I knew of the show, but didn't know what it was about and let me tell you, it's about Glenda Jackson turning in a brava performance of an old lady at the end of her life- she's amazing!  Laurie Metcalf was her great self and Allison Pill kept up with the grand dames.

Then it was home again to cuddle up.

Saturday I kind of overslept and didn't get out to do anything except eat some two day old sushi I had bought when I got here, intending to eat sooner... I rushed over to the theatre district to eat my sushi, watch the Naked Cowboy strum for tips

And checked for cuties in Times Square, (of which there were some)

  before my Gay Duty matinee of HELLO, DOLLY starring Bernadette Peters.

Let me tell you, I'm not the hugest fan of Ms. Peters since I felt that she practically ruined the last revival of FOLLIES as a Sally Durant who played as crazy the moment she stepped on stage.  I came to see Dolly because I've never seen the stage version, I feel it's a Gay Duty kind of thing and I refused pay $300 to see Bette Midler (Is my Gay card revoked?).  Theatre is for the people and should be priced as such!!!

Anyhow, I was pleased when my program told me that Victor Garber was in the show.  Him, I like.

It was a delightful show and I didn't mind Bernadette here, too much, but this fell more into her cutesy wheelhouse than her last couple of Sondheim outings.  This show is old fashioned in a great sense... you know, at first when the house light went down and the orchestra started playing and nothing happened on stage, I was a tad confused.  Then I thought "Overture, dummy!"  I'd almost forgotten about the existence of overtures before a show!

I didn't get a chance to fret about how I would keep myself amused between shows because I met up with Mike Dreyden to get some face time after years of meeting, sending a message here & there on the social medias. We had a nice catch up session and discussed maybe a chance of me doing something in season 2 of his webseries LAST CALL.

Right after we concluded our meeting, I rushed over to Sardi's and didn't dine alone THIS time.  Remember that other time, HERE? This time around, it happens that my friend, Brian, is in town for business and to see a show or two and we had the same dinner hour open!  We met at Sardi's and caught up and enjoyed out meals. Before we knew it, it was time to head off to our respective shows.

He was off to HELLO, DOLLY and I was off to CAROUSEL

Here was another classic I had never seen, so there I was.  To be honest, Jesse Mueller got my butt in that seat.  I've loved her since she played Carol King in BEAUTIFUL.  This show is also old fashioned in a great way and the dancing!  Great dancers in the show and great cast... those voices!  I'm not sure I got the story, or why things happen the way they do and why there's this useless angel on stage for all of Billy's scenes... anyway, it's a great production and I recognized more songs than I thought I would.

Then I headed home via Times Square to see if there were any cuties out. There were...

Then I tried to figure out why the Empire State Building is gay on my way home.

Next up is brunch with more friends, a matinee of LOBBY HERO starring Chris Evans and Michael Cera, then a rush to JFK to hop a plane for LA and missing the Oscars.

I'm sure I would have loved making out with that drunk Aussie in the pink speedo and unicorn head mask, but I'm just too busy!  But, thank you!