This Is Why I Am Single - sigh

When you're watching porn
and you see a poster
for one of your favorite Broadway musicals!

He Don't Even Know - I See Your Tattoo Colors

This is my "boyfriend", Derek.

We have a lot of imaginary fun together!

While our absolute favorite activity is 

rescuing Chihuahua puppies,

a good amount of our playtime

is spent in the kitchen.

Here you can see Derek texting me:

"Hey, Fkr, i hop ur feeling Mondriany.

I got yur colors!

C U soon, Saylr Moon"

Derek likes to get totally naked

 and let me color his tattoos

with these delicious markers

then eat him.

Since I have no tattoos, 

when it's his turn

he has free reign.

My favorite tasty tattoo that he put on me

was a dead-on perfect portrait of Golda Meir on my chest.

(It was supposed to be Henry Kissinger, 

but a slip of the wrist after giggling

put longer hair into play).

My favorite flavored tattoo

to lick on him

is the chocolate starfish!