He Don't Even Know - I See Your Tattoo Colors

This is my "boyfriend", Derek.

We have a lot of imaginary fun together!

While our absolute favorite activity is 

rescuing Chihuahua puppies,

a good amount of our playtime

is spent in the kitchen.

Here you can see Derek texting me:

"Hey, Fkr, i hop ur feeling Mondriany.

I got yur colors!

C U soon, Saylr Moon"

Derek likes to get totally naked

 and let me color his tattoos

with these delicious markers

then eat him.

Since I have no tattoos, 

when it's his turn

he has free reign.

My favorite tasty tattoo that he put on me

was a dead-on perfect portrait of Golda Meir on my chest.

(It was supposed to be Henry Kissinger, 

but a slip of the wrist after giggling

put longer hair into play).

My favorite flavored tattoo

to lick on him

is the chocolate starfish!

He Don't Even Know! - All that Chaz

Say Hello, to my "boyfriend", 

whom I think is a Chaz.

Chaz is very silly and loves a good laugh, 

I imagine, one time, 

that we were at an electrician friend's 

Welcome Home From Narnia party

when this very annoyingly flirty 

and drunk set decorator guy

was shamelessly throwing himself at Chaz.

I didn't feel threatened at all, 

mostly because Chaz never gives me any reason to fret.

The set decorator made it clear that he had designs on Chaz's crotch.

I turned to Chaz and said, "Go ahead, show him your nuts."

Set decorator's eyes widened with anticipation.

Chaz promptly stuck his fingers in his own ears

and twisted them as he stuck his tongue out

and crossed his eyes.

I did a spit take on Set Decorator,

and yelled, "You're nuts!"

Set Decorator was turned off on so many levels.

Chaz took his fingers out of his ears, 

but left his tongue out as he licked the tip of my nose

and pulled me into a hug.

We never did see that Narnia movie...