He Don't Even Know - Cool Wader

This is "Derrick".

He really enjoys the water!

He doesn’t care that

it’s ice cold a lot of the time.

He just loves to step in

and feel the exhilarating sensation of the cold liquid

smashing into his hot body.

I prefer to stay on the shore,

nice, dry and warm

and take his picture.

I smash into his hot body later.

He Don't Even Know - Beardy Hot

This is my "boyfriend", "Henry".

Henry hates to leave the house to run errands,

especially on the weekends

because of the crowds.

That didn't stop him from dragging me to Shorty's

to get my hair buzzed.

He says he really likes my head tight.

I try...

He Don't Even Know!- The Trinket King

This is my "Boyfriend", "George".

He's a sweetheart!
My favorite thing about him is that

he lets me know he's thinking of me

by grabbing a little something while he's out & about.

This particular day, 

he was thinking how I was his little monkey

and then he saw this,

so, he got it for me!

Better yet, when the place starts looking cluttered,

he'll tell me to clear out some of the stuff,

because he knows the real value is in the gesture

and not the item.

Of course, he doesn't know that I hide away

some of my most favorite trinkets from him.

I know that the item is not really the gift, 

but I'd be a nut to get rid of a hard to find Dunny!

He must have known how hard it is to find this when he got it for me, 

but he put a material value on it, 

as if it was as thirfty as the paper rooster 

he got off of a stack of promos!

He said the real worth was in my smile when I opened it.

I did smile, really big,

and I smile every time I see it.

...But I smile bigger when I see "George"

He Don't Even Know! - Booty Grabber

Ahoy, 

Matey, this is "Matty!"

(imaginary short for imaginary "Matthew")

I love Matty because he is so fun!

So rare is it to find someone who enjoys a theme party

and goes all out with the theme!

Here we are at my real friend, Dudley's

pretend party;SEAMEN

If you're thinking that his costume is a bit scant,

it's because he spent most of his time making me 

a merman costume!

It was beautiful and shiny.

He used green and silver sequins shaped like fish!

I even had a strategically place tinkle slit.
(the fitting for that was fun!)

I really enjoy having fun

with Matty.

He makes me giggle.

I said he goes all out at these parties, 

but it wasn't until we got home that I found out that his full costume

was that of a Butt Pirate!  I learned that when he grabbed my booty and went Captain FillUp on me!

He Don't Even Know - I See Your Tattoo Colors

This is my "boyfriend", Derek.

We have a lot of imaginary fun together!

While our absolute favorite activity is 

rescuing Chihuahua puppies,

a good amount of our playtime

is spent in the kitchen.

Here you can see Derek texting me:

"Hey, Fkr, i hop ur feeling Mondriany.

I got yur colors!

C U soon, Saylr Moon"

Derek likes to get totally naked

 and let me color his tattoos

with these delicious markers

then eat him.

Since I have no tattoos, 

when it's his turn

he has free reign.

My favorite tasty tattoo that he put on me

was a dead-on perfect portrait of Golda Meir on my chest.

(It was supposed to be Henry Kissinger, 

but a slip of the wrist after giggling

put longer hair into play).

My favorite flavored tattoo

to lick on him

is the chocolate starfish!

He Don't Even know! - Tat-In-the-Dark

This is my "Boyfriend"
I'll call him Billy.

He's fun to cuddle up with on cold nights.
He laughs when I go underneath all the blankets 

to figure out which one of his tattoos glows-in-the-dark.

He actually told me that when we first met,

I pretended to believe him...
Okay, I believed him!

 I guess I was really excited to find out

 where it was!