He Don't Even Know! - Thank You For the Music

Meet "George"

I fell in love with him because of his spontaneity!

He's always whisking me away on

sudden adventures

and always says what he thinks & feels.

I love it!

In this moment,

a song popped into his head.

He just took a seat on the sidewalk on Hollywood Boulevard

and sang away.

He made a few dollars, 

from passers-by

which spent on Vanilla Lattes, later.

The only bad thing is

he also expresses his sexual desires

anytime and anywhere!

So, sometimes

the song we're singing

is coming from behind a parked car 

or large cardboard cutout of  the cast of 

MAMMA MIA 2!

So, George, 

Thank you for the music 

and the song we're singing.

He Don't Even Know - Beardy Hot

This is my "boyfriend", "Henry".

Henry hates to leave the house to run errands,

especially on the weekends

because of the crowds.

That didn't stop him from dragging me to Shorty's

to get my hair buzzed.

He says he really likes my head tight.

I try...

He Don't Even Know! - Kevin

This is "Kevin",

He don't even know he's my boyfriend!

My favorite thing about Kevin is that he loves his 

Mom very much.

Just like me!

One of the benefits I get from this love

is that he promised her

that she will never wash another dish

as long as he is around.

Well, that promise has carried over to me!

Kevin isn't one for household chores, either, 

but we never have to wash dishes

because we always eat out!

This is us at Basix

in West Hollywood.

Other favorite daily eats joints

we frequent are;

Salt's Cure, Joey's Cafe, WeHo Bistro, 

PHOnomenal, Pinches Tacos, Le Zinc, Hedley's

and, of course Hugo's

If there's one thing I love to do with Kevin, 

that is 

eat out!

He Don't Even Know - I See Your Tattoo Colors

This is my "boyfriend", Derek.

We have a lot of imaginary fun together!

While our absolute favorite activity is 

rescuing Chihuahua puppies,

a good amount of our playtime

is spent in the kitchen.

Here you can see Derek texting me:

"Hey, Fkr, i hop ur feeling Mondriany.

I got yur colors!

C U soon, Saylr Moon"

Derek likes to get totally naked

 and let me color his tattoos

with these delicious markers

then eat him.

Since I have no tattoos, 

when it's his turn

he has free reign.

My favorite tasty tattoo that he put on me

was a dead-on perfect portrait of Golda Meir on my chest.

(It was supposed to be Henry Kissinger, 

but a slip of the wrist after giggling

put longer hair into play).

My favorite flavored tattoo

to lick on him

is the chocolate starfish!

He Don't Even know! - Tat-In-the-Dark

This is my "Boyfriend"
I'll call him Billy.

He's fun to cuddle up with on cold nights.
He laughs when I go underneath all the blankets 

to figure out which one of his tattoos glows-in-the-dark.

He actually told me that when we first met,

I pretended to believe him...
Okay, I believed him!

 I guess I was really excited to find out

 where it was!

He Don't Even Know! - A Remote Chance

This is "Terry",
He wears sunglasses

because they're mysterious
and he is unexpectedly & delightfully shy!

I'll always pretend to remember
our first in-home date at his place.

He turned on the TV,

hit some random button on the remote,

and turned very red with embarrassment.

His faulty button push revealed

that he had the entire final season of 

THE MENTALIST

all saved up to watch.

He gave me the sweetest kiss

when I told him I like the show, too!
We bent-spooned on the sofa and
started watching right then!
I know how it ends.

He Don't Even know! - Fuzz Face!

Here's my happy "boyfriend"!

I call him "Fuzz Face" and calls me "You".

He spends a lot of time shirtless, which I don't mind.
I especially like it during the holidays, 

when I hang various ornaments from his nipple rings.

My favorite thing about Fuzzy is

he likes to read TALES OF THE CITY

aloud to me in bed.

Best of all,

he lets me read Mona's parts!

He Don't Even Know! - Fuzzy

Here's my "boyfriend" thinking about snuggling with me on our sofa,

 wrapped in the fuzzy blanket our friend Skylar gave us as a prize 

for winning the whole game at his "Celebrity Night" party.

 (We have an uncanny ability to identify celebrities from eyebrow movements-

 and don't even ask how we got Jane Wiedlin of the GoGo's!)  

We will definitely be watching 

RHODA.

He Don't Even Know! - Wet

Yeah, I'm wet, too.