This is Why I am Single - Frieda the 13th: A Bad Date

 

I think you might remember that I cited my drag personas and one of the reasons that I'm single.  Well, here's more to that argument; Where am I going to find a guy who not only has the patience, but the willingness to go along with ridiculousness like spontaneously shooting a short film, with no script, plan or fake eyelashes?  Okay, smarty, I hear you asking who helped me shoot this one and I'll tell you!  It was muh former DAB, Brett Freedman.  We are no longer dying alone together, 'cause he up & got married (There's an entire entry or three on it)  Anywho, Brett & I decided to shoot this while we were in Big Bear to celebrate 4th of July with Muh DAB, Dennis Hensley.  No script, no idea that we wanted to shoot a short film.  It started off as a fun photo shoot, then we decided we wanted to make a movie.  With that in mind, the beginning of this is a few stills with hard to read graphics (I'm a Gay of a Certain Age! I can't be expected to get the vertical format down on the first shot!), but we git moving pictures soon, enough.

Please enjoy this little Amuse Bush (not really any bush or nudity in it) en lieu of a Valentine floral bouquet!

S'up, Muh DAB? - Muh DABs Are Numbered!

 

Well, along with the story of Brett’s wedding comes the unavoidable realization;

Muh DABs are numbered!

 I used to have a good deal of DABs, now, they’re dropping like flies.

It all started with my first and best Die Alone Buddy, Ted.

 

We’ve been friends since early high school years and are still thick as molasses in caramel!

When I moved out of my home town, I certainly didn’t expect Ted to stop going out and enjoying the single life.  As a matter of fact, when he came to visit me, he opened a few of the Single Life in LA doors for me.  I can easily say, nobody enjoyed being single more than Ted in those days.

Whenever we got together and hit whichever town we were in,

We always had a great time and left a few handsome admirers smiling in our wake.
Paris is still smiling.

What with us living single lives in different cities for years, I guess it was only a matter of time before one of us would fall into some marriage.

So, on Valentine’s Day 2014, bye-bye Single Ted.

Not long after, muh DAB Oscar fell prey to some guy and he got hitched in April 2014.

Oscar and I started acting together in Chico’s Angels in 2003

Not long after, we were hanging out and doing a bunch of stuff together, including traveling and enjoying international guy ogling.

But, no more.

 June 2017, Jerry marries Greg.

                                       

I met Jerry through Brett. 
Many were the evenings of friend events that included much laughter, drinks & man hunting.

I’ll never forget our Miami trip in 2003,

 but I can forget about Dying Alone with Jerry.

 Brett marries Andrew in 2019…

Somewhere along the way Avery has married Koppany.

 Lastly, Ray marries Daran in December 2021.

I didn’t hang out with Ray nearly as much as I did with Oscar during the Chico’s Angels days, but we did share some great times out, and may have gone after the same guy on more than one occasion…

 

Of course, I am happy for all of them and I still get to enjoy the company of most of them, still, along with their husbands,

But, now that they have someone to grow old with, where does that leave me?

 Where does it leave the ever shrinking group of DABs I fantasized would all live in a converted Mid-Century Motel, where each has his own room, with the office/lobby converted into the best den/living room/dining room where we could hang out and plan our next scandalous trip to Miami or Puerto Vallarta?

Speaking of which, who are the DABs I still have left?

There’s the ever reliable Dennis.

We met over 20 years ago and Dennis was the original hub through which I met many of my current friends. We hang and it’s good.

There’s Glenn.  

I met him through Dennis, of course, and he lives very near me, so we share meals often and see each other so much that we bicker like an old married couple and I am always right.

Most of my out & about time is spent with Dennis and Glenn.  There isn’t as much man chasing as there was a few years ago and the pandemic sure put a damper on dating, so we participate in various DAB activities.

My Long Distance DAB is Rich.

I met him through Brett decades ago and I usually see him when I visit New York and on our fabulous DAB Travel Adventures, like the one in Puerto Vallarta.

I will say the Rich is quite the inspirational Man Hunter, from whom I’m still learning.

Also on the Roster is Dudley.

We’ve known each other for years and, for me, Dudley has taken on the mantle of The Hub and is very socially active.

I admire his energy, creativity and ability to get shit done!  I also admire his fearless movements in the social environs of Gay.

I feel like we could stand to be closer.  That has all to do with me shying away from invitations, or keeping myself too busy for love or even forming new DABs.
We’re growing.

Same goes for Steven

We’re relatively new and I sense new and exciting adventures ahead for us.

I even have an Honorary DAB, Geoffy.
I’ve known him the longest of all muh DABS, past & present.

He’s honorary because he’s of the straight persuasion.  We probably don’t seem like the most likely of friends… (“What could they possibly have in common?” I’ve heard someone ask.)
We have plenty enough in common to carry the history of our friendship going on over 20 years. We have a sense of kinship, loyalty, with maybe, a touch of duty behind our relationship.

Geoffy exists mostly separately from my other DABs.  That is mainly because of the gay element within the confines of the DAB definition concocted only for this Blog and entertainment purposes.
I’ll just say, that in the end, Geoff is perfectly welcome to stay in my fantasy converted motel; hetero & all.

There’s a few more, but I shan’t list them, for fear I may scare them away.

So, while my long standing DABs are falling away from singledom and evolving into dear, loving Married Folk, I won’t distress too much because I still have a handful of DABs with whom I can enjoy singledom as we age.  Also, I'm going to need some time to get the money to find and buy that motel I'm fantasizing about!

S'up, Muh DAB? - Is this Bye Bye? Part 3

 PREVIOUSLY on S'up, Muh DAB? - Is this Bye Bye?:
I told you about enjoying the single life with my Die Alone Buddy, Brett.

Then, Brett married Andrew

...and I made their marriage about me.

There, now that you're all caught up,

let me tell you how their marriage has affected me.

Not, badly, at all.

While there's really not more to say on the subject, 

I have some pictures I'd like to share,

so, I'm gonna go on a bit.

First, I'll say that one of the biggest fears

I had about losing muh DAB

was that once he was married,

he'd end up being tied to the waist of his new husband

leaving me no time for buddy time with Brett.

I'm happy to say, 

that that has not been the case.

Brett and Andrew have been able to maintain their relationship,

while not spending every freakin' moment of the day & night together.

They each have time when they can enjoy stuff with their friends,

or have time alone.

That has been my ideal all along,

and know that if I ever do find that someone,

this would be a big part of our relationship.

As I said in the few on-line dating profiles I've had,

"I'm looking for 

someone who respects my my independence as much as they value their own."

I'm very happy for muh former DAB

for finding this.

That's not to say that there hasn't been any affect on our friendship.

Now, there's negotiations that need to be made before we can have our fun.

In the past, when we've decided we're going to Miami for the 4th of July,
(WHY? It's so gosh-darned hot!! 

...but we have!)

we could just make our travel arrangements and go.

Now, if we ever wanted to do that,

Brett has to consult with someone before I can start picking hotels.

Also new; there's a whole other group of friends

to consider for invites to events.

What if Brett & Andrew are having an event that has to be small?
Now, not only am I contending with my own stable of friends,

suddenly, I'm up against Andrew's group of friends

for an invite, too!

BUT, 

for all my worries about being left out

or loss of time with Brett, 

the past couple of years have been pretty good.

Spending time with these two as a couple

has been quite nice.

Andrew fits in really well,

which can't be easy for someone younger

blending into a friendship

that's over 20 years old.

As I said, I don't see Andrew every time that I see Brett,

but I have seen him at times that are special to me.

...Like, my Birthday

...like, including me in a surprise for Brett's birthday

...or showing up when I'm in a dress

Speaking of which,

while I haven't spent much time with Andrew alone, 

we did share something special

without Brett.

Andrew donated a good portion of his time to help me 

with my return to the BEST IN DRAG SHOW,

to do a farewell number before I  handed over the crown.

I loved Chita Rivera's performance of 
WHERE YOU ARE

(From KISS OF THE SPIDERWOMAN)

on the Tony awards and chose that for my show.

Andrew bravely agreed to dumb down the choreography for me,

a major non-dancer

and for two other hunky guys

who didn't exactly go to the FAME school of performing arts,

Ruben Zambrano and Erick Nett.

(Both sweethearts)

I'm sure he knew it would be a major undertaking,

but he did it,

for no pay, like, literally for charity

He graciously agreed to be in the number

...and literally do the HEAVY LIFTING.

I can not say how much I appreciated that 

and couldn't be more proud of the work 

he put into making it happen.

In addition to 

being a great guy and helping out new friends,

he also appears to have a high tolerance

for our ridiculous idea of fun,

which includes, but is not limited to

Brett's photoshoots.

Sometimes, these can take an entire day,

but we enjoy the set-up time and the bonding.

Plus, they're really neato!!

 

I don't know if he thinks they're as fun as we do,

but he shows up!

Speaking of we:

I'm not the only one Andrew has to deal with,

there's a small, tight group of us

that he's squeezing into 

and that can't be easy.

The dinners,

the holidays;

 a Christmas

a Fourth of July

a wedding...

So, while it may have been somewhat intimidating for him, 
I'm very appreciative that Andrew

did not come in like a wrecking ball

and lay waste to Brett's friendships and friends-time,

as I've seen happen in other cases.

I needn't have feared losing anything it all.

And, even though
I have realized, over time,
that I can be stand-offish and not let people in right away,
I look forward to further developing a

lovely friendship with Andrew!

...If he has the patience.

So, while Brett may no longer be dying alone with me,

at least, 

and most importantly,

we still get to watch

crappy horror movies together

from time to time!

Happy union Brett & Andrew

and thanks for the time!

S'up, Muh DAB? - Is this Bye Bye? Part 2

Allow me to describe the setting of the event which led to the demise of Muh DAB, Brett.

At the time of the wedding, I was engaged in a long bit of cat sitting.

The wedding was in Long Beach. Hotel rooms were utilized.

Normally, I would have gotten a room to be close to the wedding party

for the weekend of events, but I had cats, lovely, lovely cats to sit.

So, what it meant was, in order for me to attend all of the wedding weekend events,

I’d have to drive to Long Beach and back every day.

AND I DID because I wanted to be there for everything;

I had already felt separated, enough!

The first event was a light food and cocktail get together on Friday night,
a night to greet the out-of-towners and make sure people got settled in nicely.
I, for dang sure, wanted to go to that!
How much more would I be separated if the out-of-towners didn’t see/meet me?
…and there were cocktails!

The next day was the day of the wedding.

Close friends of the grooms arrived early, 

shared in some pre-wedding cocktails

and took fancy wedding pictures. 

This is Brett and his gang

I thought not to let the fancy clothes and locale go to waste

and shot a couple of portraits

(Kate Romero turned the camera on me)

After pictures, we had more pre-wedding Cocktails...

People started arriving...

While that was going on, 

the lovely Aynsley prepared to officiate!

Then, it happened.

Aynsley hitched them.

(I don't have any photos of it happening, 

because I actually wanted to be present and

let the hired photographer catch those moments while I

cried enjoyed the ceremony.)

And just like that,

they were married and the reception started!
People went nuts!

We ate!

We danced!

And we drank!

It was a great reception!!

The next day was the post-wedding brunch!

It was a lovely affair

at Parkers' Lighthouse!

We all enjoyed a breakfast buffet

and Mimosas!

After a few hours of enjoyment,

toasts were made,

husbands were kissed,

and we were sent on our merry way

to kill a few hours 

before the pizza party wind down

later that evening.

A small group of us decided to get a four person bike thingy

and ride along the beach path.

I took a few pics of the beach fauna

That dumb thing was terribly hard to power,

which you would think would be easy with four people peddling,

but you would be wrong.

We ran into some copy-cats on our way back

...and they didn't look like they were working as hard as we were...

maybe we had a flat tire.

At the end of the ride,

my fellow riders went to retire to their hotel rooms 

for the next four hours until the wind down.

I didn't want to drive back to L.A.,

then back down to Long Beach.

So I did the only sensible thing,

I walked over to the local movie house 

and bought a ticket to a nap palace

where they read me a bedtime story called 

ALADDIN.

I was very tired from the late night, 

early morning and four wheeling adventures,

so I slept through most of this movie.

After my colorful nap, 
I had just a little time to walk around the nifty shops 

across from the hotel.
The timing was perfect.

Finally, the last wedding weekend event;

The Pizza Party wind-down.
...and because Brett is fun, it was a 

PAJAMA Pizza Party!

We had a lovely time!

Most notably, 

we had fun playing Dennis Hensley's

You Don't Know My Life

And, also because Brett is Brett, 

we had a Pajama photo shoot

(That's how I wound up in Bed with Reba McEntire)

Eventually we said our goodbyes

and I got back to the cats for their late dinner

and that was that.

In the span of three days, 

I celebrated Brett's wedding

and lamented the loss of one of my top DABs.

Die Alone Buddies are hard to come by

and mine are dropping like flies!

Stay tuned, 

and I'll tell share with you 

how the 2 years + of Brett's marriage have gone for me.