Single Perks - Date With a Colt- UPDATED

I haven't received many concerned letters, so I'll tell you...
The last day of use is coming for my Colt Hairy Men 2015 Calendar!
I checked Amazon.com and they were out of stock with a promise to send one as soon as they were back in stock. That is UNACCEPTABLE!!  I must confess I got in quite a panic.  What am I supposed to do, take down this calendar on Thursday night and then start 2016 with no imaginary boyfriend???  Do they have razor blades & cyanide pills in stock?  They might as well just send those, instead! .  Why did I wait so long to order my new imaginary boyfriends?  Who else is buying these calendars?  You (all?) will be glad to learn that I did a little extra clicking and found another Colt Calendar that will be delivered today or tomorrow, via the magic of Amazon Prime.  Yes, thanks to my flexible tastes, 2016 will be a year's worth of imaginary dates with men in Leather.

Yeah, since I don't like to preview and be surprised every month, I'll have to assume the entire calendar is in black & white.  I prefer color, but don't be a pussy!  Take those grey tones!  Yeah, you like that chiaroscuro effect, don't you?  Yeah.  Hot!

Because I'm single, I can keep a calendar of leather clad/naked men in my closet without having somebody get jealous of paper rivals.  I don't have some insecure whiny puss saying, "Why do you have to look at them? Aren't I enough?"  I'd have to respond, "Frankly, unless your body & face morph every first day of the month, then, no.  No, you are not enough. However, your lack of shape-shifting ability is not the turn off, it's your inability to separate fantasy from reality.  Just because I oggle a photograph of a guy ( a photograph that is probably of someone that existed ten years ago and majorly touched up) doesn't mean I want to drop everything and be with him.  Who is standing next to me? Who am I living with?  If that's not what I wanted, it wouldn't be this calendar that drove me away from you."  Because I am single, I don't have to deal with that and I can enjoy my calendar, porn, movies, television, magazines, photos, walks outside and my unconscious dreams without having to deal with any of that.  Them's the perks!

UPDATE!

Got it!

This Is Why I Am Single - Cig Alert

I am all for truth! Usually I think truth is the most important thing, ever.
Now, I must confess that at times I can be worse than any evil Republican Spin Doctor when it comes to the truth about smoking.  I can't stand cigarette smoke!  I can't tell you how disapouinting it is to see a hottie, hot hot walking down the street, then see him pull out a cigarette.  I know it smacks of a cheesy Brooke Shields PSA, but that, in itself, is the truth; I HATE SMOKING and I'll drop any interest in a guy once I see him puff.  Sure, I have friends who smoke, but most of them are trying, or have tried to quit.  They know it's bad.  Aside from the health risks, it's just plain nasty.  I remember the days when smoking was allowed in restaurantrs and bars and when I returned from a simple lunch or night of a cocktails, my hair, clothing and skin would reek of cigarette smoke.  Is there a bigger turn off than being picked up for a date and being greeted by your suitor and a waft of cigarette stench as you open the car door?  Even if they are good about smoking only outside and keeping their hair and clothes fresh, you sometimes find out a guy smiokes when you're sharing your first, long, deep kiss.  It's like kissing an ashtray! (I love screaming that line like a hysterical Aunt Trudy.)
I can not support it and I cetrtainly won't date it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hate smokers, in general.  Aside from those assholes who smoke like they are they only person in the world and blow smoke out of their mouths like they were King Long blowing Jessica Lange dry, or smoke while they are walking along a side walk, or dancing with a lit cigarette... actually doing anything with a lit cigarette other than smoking... smokers can be super nice folk.

Here's where my confession comes into play; I have altered my photgraphs so that a guy is not holding a cigarette.  I don't like to promote the idea that smoking is alright, because I don't think it is.  Surely, I think people should smoke if they want to, but has to be done in consideration of those who don't smoke.  I'm less judgy of people my age or older, but the kids younger than us should all know better, they had all the information and warnings.  I can only think they started smoking to be "cool".  I don't want to contribute to that mindset, so, if I have a pic of someone- especially if it's someone I think is terribly attractive, I will delete it or, as I did with this pic of my friend, Billy...

I removed the cigarette when I posted it on the Facebook.  Honestly, I feel like a hypocrite, what with my attitude toward censorship and truth, but I'd rather feel like that than feel like someone who contributed to another person's idea that smoking is "cool".  Here's the original shot...

...Billy is Hot, smoking is not.

This is why I am single; I'm perfectly fine turning down the advances of someone who smokes, even if I find them very atrractive.

(Alright, I haven't turned them ALL down, don't be crazy, sex is sex!

 ...but the kissing was gross!)  Right, Brooke?