F.U. Cupid - All About Him

When I visit this site, which is usually only when I get a message from someone or the Cupidbot sends me a notice that someone likes me, I try to do it with an open mind.  I know I can be very judgmental.  I kept that in mind when I was creating my profile.  Instead of saying what I didn't want, I put up things I wanted, then lay little tests that would let me know if a responder "got" me or not; like my posting of a Kids in the Hall monologue for "What I Often Think about".  Anyway, I really get bugged by some profiles that immediately put me on edge.  Like this one:

(Click the pic, read for yourself)

I look at the profile pic and think, "My, this is a handsome fellow.  I wouldn't mind sharing a malted with him at the local five and dime."  Then I'm immediately turned off by the following;

1:  WeHo/Chealsea, you are simply not my jam.

     WTF?  I'm already disqualified because of my address?

     Or is he one of those idiots that lumps everybody into one category because he finds the behavior        of some people from the same area distasteful?
     Yes, everybody in this 1.3 mile area acts exactly the same way and should automatically be

      dismissed.  Besides, Chelsea isn't even Chelsea anymore, what with 8th avenue 

      invaded by banks, nail salons and drugstores & G Lounge closing along with mostly all the

      others... This ass has the nerve to bundle me in with whatever stereotype he has in his douchey 

      mind without having even met me and that bugs me!

2: "Oh and girl, please put a shirt on unless you're at the beach.  My personal value does not 

       rely on my physical currency"

      Fortunately, you can not hear me screaming like a rhino that has stubbed his toe on an arrant

      coffee table in the savanna.  First of all, the use of "Oh and girl..." sounds a lot like 

      WeHo/Chelsea stereotype that is not his jam, so he suffers from self-hate. Got it.  Next, more

       judgement on the guys who work out and like to show off and, perhaps give the impression that

       their physical beauty is all they have to offer. Listen, I very much enjoy seeing hot shirtless

      mens flaunting their pectacular torsos and may even get down right giddy if I were to receive

      attention from one of them, but still, ultimately, I'd have to consider if they have intelligence

      and personality to go along with it.  I certainly wouldn't attempt to shame them in my dating

      profile.  Also, I caught the switch half way through that critical comment.  We start out talking 

       about "those" people, then suddenly we are talking about him. That statement should either

       read, "... please put a shirt on unless you're at the beach.  I hope your personal value does not

       rely on your physical currency" or  "...I'll  keep a shirt on unless I'm at the beach.  My personal

       value does not rely on my physical currency".  Either he's saying he does not care for the flaunty

       guys or that he is not a flaunty guy.  When you smash them together like that, you get more of

       the self hate.

3: "I excel at connecting with people..."

       Finally, I get a chuckle.  Seriously, he's going to start his profile by shutting down people in 

       back to back paragraphs and then say he excels at CONNECTING with people??   This is the 

       worst part;  I get the impression that he doesn't really know himself- at least not as much as he

       hates himself.

Despite immediate impressions, this post is not written to simply blast this guy, it's to say that I wish I could go on to a dating site and read a profile without feeling attacked.  It's hard enough to get the rejection after approaching someone, but to get rejected by simply reading their profile is just disturbing. I feel like I'm being pushed aside on my own screen!  Luckily, I've been watching CRIMINAL MINDS for over a decade, so I know and understand human behavior.  I can suss out, that the matter here is not with me, but with him.  It's all about him.

This Is Why I Am Single - The Constant Reminder

So there I am, minding my own Instagram when some little fucker leaves a comment on one of my photos... 1 man + 1 woman = true love #truelovelost.  There it is in one emojied sentence- the experience of being gay, or black or just different.  No matter how progressive or liberal you may think the world around you is getting, there's always going to be some one or some group that will come to you, unprovoked and try to put you in your place.  Here I have some nitwit trying to tell me, that as a gay man, my love is not valid or true.  I'll venture a guess that he considers himself a Christian and he probably attends a church where they approve of this attitude and behavior. He and others like him, wouldn't know true love if it was in front of them because they are too busy looking at photos of shirtless hunks and leaving homophobic comments.  Again, unprovoked he came to me to spew his hateful message.  I'm not hurt, so much as annoyed.  I am secure enough in my sexuality and emotional being to know the validity of my love, but I'm not secure in my emotional restraint.  I know the right thing to do would be to ignore & delete, but it was late and I was tired & weak, so I responded. At least, I was provoked.  I commented on every photo he posted.  I started with "Some guys suck (emoji rooster)", something I thought was appropriate, cute, a little shocking and not personal.  Then, I started criticizing the photos, themselves.  There were plenty that were out of focus, poorly cropped or badly framed.  Then, I noted or hashtagged all of the photos that featured phallic symbols, like the tall building, the jellyfish, the mushroom and furry caterpillar. On one aquatic shot I commented "the stingray is flat, like your photography".  I'm neither proud, nor ashamed that I turned into some bitchy queen and I'm sure when he sees the comments, he's going to feel like he's the victim.  I don't worry about myself becoming a monster, either, because it wasn't long until my focus went from hurting his feelings to amusing myself with what I felt were clever insults.  Here's my question, why should I worry about hurting his feelings? Why should I put the kid gloves on? Why should I show him any mercy? Why shouldn't I face this evil with evil of my own?  Because I know it is wrong.  I know it is wrong to make anyone feel less than what they are.  I guess I did it because I wanted to knock this homophobic little fucker off his high horse (there was a photo of horses that inspired a Dr. Freud comment), even though I knew it was wrong.  I don't know if it was justice, but I do know it was therapeutic.

This Is Why I Am Single: Every day I'm faced with constant reminders that my love is less, that love for me is less, that I am less of a person and I don't deserve to be loved like straight people are.  Whether I am engaging in an argument or minding my own business, someone will remind me.  It doesn't matter that I don't believe it, it's difficult finding the other half of the couple that isn't damaged by it.  How many guys have I tried to build a relationship with whose part in it was diminished by these everyday reminders?  How many gay men are doomed to never having a relationship because they will never believe that they are worthy of love? How many of them have self hatred that is endlessly fed by all these messages?  That's why we have to push back, so that #lovewins