He Don't Even Know - Harder Than A Matador Coercing A Bull

This is that time I imagine I went to the beach 

with "Gus".
The amazing thing about that is that "Gus" got me there!
I am such a home body

that I'd rather stay in watching
UNDER THE SKIN

again, than go out into the sun.

Many a lesser man has failed to get me out of the house 

and they either gave up and left

or stayed and withered into small dust bunnies

that my maid is afraid to touch.

"Gus" has succeeded in a way that is marvelous.

I try to resist, but I can't

when he grabs my head

holds me still

looks into my eyes and says,

"We're going"
(then the kill)

and smiles.

The combination of his eyes, voice smile

and little tingle sparks on the sides of my head

tell me that I must be where he is.

So, there's the beach

parks,

canyons,

swap meets,

baseball games!

My favorite thing is when I do it to him

and he pretends to go along

and follows me to bed.

He Don't Even Know! - Booty Grabber

Ahoy, 

Matey, this is "Matty!"

(imaginary short for imaginary "Matthew")

I love Matty because he is so fun!

So rare is it to find someone who enjoys a theme party

and goes all out with the theme!

Here we are at my real friend, Dudley's

pretend party;SEAMEN

If you're thinking that his costume is a bit scant,

it's because he spent most of his time making me 

a merman costume!

It was beautiful and shiny.

He used green and silver sequins shaped like fish!

I even had a strategically place tinkle slit.
(the fitting for that was fun!)

I really enjoy having fun

with Matty.

He makes me giggle.

I said he goes all out at these parties, 

but it wasn't until we got home that I found out that his full costume

was that of a Butt Pirate!  I learned that when he grabbed my booty and went Captain FillUp on me!

He Don't Even Know! - Tender Tender

This is my "boyfriend", Marcus.

He can mix a mean vanilla lemon drop,

but on nights after I've performed 

brain surgery on our most

important Presidents and saving their lives,

Marcus is waiting for me

in the Spider-Man undies I got him for Christmas,

with a perfectly blended

Campari & soda

and a kiss.

Then, he gives me his special

Harvey Wallbanger.

He Don't Even know! - Fuzz Face!

Here's my happy "boyfriend"!

I call him "Fuzz Face" and calls me "You".

He spends a lot of time shirtless, which I don't mind.
I especially like it during the holidays, 

when I hang various ornaments from his nipple rings.

My favorite thing about Fuzzy is

he likes to read TALES OF THE CITY

aloud to me in bed.

Best of all,

he lets me read Mona's parts!

This why I am Single - Face Torque

Being a legend in my own timer, I think it's odd that I'm not totally aware of what my face is doing in photographs.  As in the picture above; I thought I was giving a pleasant "I'm happy to be where I am at this moment" smile.  Instead I got "I wonder what that itch on my calf is" flat mouth.  I thought the photo turned out well enough, left the great lighting & background, and moved on.  It wasn't until later, while filing the photo away on Flickr that I realized- I'm flirting all wrong!
Even though I'm a generally happy guy, I realized that unless I'm doing a genuinely big toothy smile or crazy over the top mouth-open gay smile, my face isn't doing what I thought it was.
All this time when I thought I was giving a guy a nice, friendly smile- no teeth, 'cause I'm playing it cool- I was actually giving them flat mouth nothing!  At least, I can be sure I wasn't giving them a frown, but instead of giving off a light smile that said, "Hi, I'm friendly and I think you're attractive, I'd sure enjoy it if you thought the same of me, "  I was actually giving them a look that said, "I breath. Fire good. Don't pee on me."
As a Gay of a Certain age, I have to give gravity its due.  I might have to admit I have a bitchy resting face, and actually have to work to make a pleasant smile.  Now, I'm afraid that I don't know how to gauge my facial muscles and will go in the opposite direction and start giving a crazy-ass toothy grin like a cartoon dog going nutsy for Beggin' Strips. This is not fun. How could something as simple as slightly lifting the corners of my mouth turn into a carefully calculated exercise in desperation?

Hopefully, I'll manage to get the right face torque to convey the appropriate smile, but in the meantime, if you've seen me walking down the street and our eyes met, I thought you were cute and I don't want to beat you up.