Optics - Dining With the Stars

Hey!  Here's another picture game right out of the pages of GUYLIGHTS!

Let's play OPTICS!  Above is a photo captured by a friend at another table, whilst I was dining at Cafe D'Etoile on Friday night.  Examine the photo very closely (tilt the pic if you have to) and determine what you see...

Do you see:
1:  A gay, happily delighted that he happens to be eating dinner very closely to (almost seemingly with) super talented actress lady, Sharon Gless (Star of QUEER AS CAGNEY & LACEY)?

or, do you see:

2: A tragically single gay, eating alone on a Friday night, in a fancy restaurant, shamelessly playing an old version of Angry Birds at the table, sucking it in as he twists in his chair hoping the friend taking the picture will not post it anywhere?

Which did you see?

Compare with your friends!

Remember; any way you look at it, it's all about OPTICS!

Getting Out - Fancy Eats

It occurred to me that I neglected to tell you about one of my adventures in New York!

Now, I've been going to New York regularly, every year since 2007 or so, and in between SUNSET BLVD and THE LITTLE FOXES this last visit, I realized that I had never eaten at Sardi's!

I popped right on over and with no problem, got a nice table in the main dining room.  The thing is, since this restaurant is famous for being a celebrity hang out, everyone turned to look to see who was being escorted to a table.  I'm sure they were trying to figure out if I was famous or not, but it started to feel like they were staring at me because I was being seated ALONE.  Being single for most of my adult life, I have no problem with dining solo, but this is the first time I ever felt like people were watching me do it.

Seated among and beneath the world famous caricatures of Broadway's biggest stars, and seemingly in a spotlight, I wondered why I had never been there before.   I shook out the old noodle and found ideas that it was "too fancy" and probably "too expensive" for the likes of me.  I am amazed at how sometimes I will have little revelations about why I have never done some things.  It is because I have in the back of my head the idea that I can't afford it or don't deserve it.  I'm even more amazed because, when I realize it about one thing, I assume that ALL of those thoughts are banished, until I find myself seated somewhere like Sardi's.   With those thoughts firmly out of my mind, I ordered my favorite drink, Campari and Soda.

Then, after making sure it is all Gluten-Free, I go with a prix frixe mesclun salad 

and a chicken dish,

followed by a delightful Tahitian Vanilla Bean Crème Bruleè.

It was a lovely meal! So lovely I didn't feel singled out anymore.  As a matter of fact, I realized that single gay men must be a very common clientele.  I mean, this is a New York, Broadway centered restaurant.  Of course, there's always single gay men eating alone here.  If there weren't, would they even have these cute little tables, clearly sized to accommodate one person.  I mean look at the gay sitting next to me...

...Obviously gay and clearly single. 

(No, I didn't try to hook up.  I had a THE LITTLE FOXES ticket!)

All in all, it was a nice time and I'm glad I got out and didn't end up somewhere like Sbarro's (...as if) since my favorite in-between shows haunt, Angus McIndoe, went away.

I couldn't help wondering if I would ever have my own caricature up on the wall there someday (at 49 years old, unlikely, but not impossible!) and until then, I'd just have to be happy with eating in my dining room, alone, gazing at my caricature (quick sketch actually), of me as Frieda Laye, drawn by fabulous artists Glen Hanson!

Gift Ideas For the Dying Alone - Pet Sounds

One week away from Christmas and you still don't have a gift for your friend what is dying alone?
Here I come to save the holiday!!

As one of the Dying Alone, I don't mind eating solo, mostly because I worry I look like a weird lizard creature on the Serengeti, feasting after a year long drought, and it may be a turn off for anyone watching.  If you worry that your dying alone friend doesn't like to eat alone, may I suggest getting him some pet ants?

The best thing about ants is that they are low maintenance!  These little guys pretty much take care of themselves and keep each other company.  The downside is trying to corral them could be a challenge and very time consuming, but what else is your dying alone friend gonna do on a Friday night anyway?  When it comes to dinner time, these little fellas will put away quite a bit and they always clean their plate!  Bonus, they never interrupt you when you're talking to them, so your friend can spend the entire meal telling them how they thought their life would have turned out, without fear of eye rolling or sighs of frustration!  I must warn you to not get your friend ARMY ants.  They'll eat anything...  I mean ANYthing, including your friend.  Also, I would love to encourage you to, please, get your ants at an ant rescue, rather than a pet store.  Rescue ants are usually very grateful to have a home and are more loving.

Is your dying alone friend as busy as I am?  Does he barely have enough time to go on a date, much less read a book to have something to discuss on that date?  Here's a great gift idea, books on tape!  God bless the person who came up with this idea; someone reading a book to you because you can't pick one up and move your eyes!  Books on tape can be listened to while driving, bathing, staring at cracks in the ceiling through tears...  just about anywhere, any time!  Might I suggest a great biography?

Between the Dying and the Dead: Dr. Jack Kevorkian's Life and the Battle to Legalize Euthanasia is a delightful read on some doctor guy who was an intersting artist, whose style falls somewhere between Salvador Dali and John Wayne Gacy! I'm sure there's more to his story, but I'm only 12 minutes in because I'm too busy to even listen, but I'm hooked!! I'm sure your dying alone friend will love it, too!

There you go, another two great gift ideas for your friends who are dying alone.  I hope it helps!

Remember, you don't have to thank me, just get me a date!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

The Trials of Man Solo - Party of One & Then Some

Today I enjoyed a day all alone, I didn't leave my apartment, except to have lunch.

I went to one of my favorite places that I've neglected lately.  Kung Pao China Bistro welcomed me with open chopsticks.  When one dines alone as much I do, it's important to find places one enjoys, with tasty eats, comfy atmosphere and friendly staff.  Once in a while, I'll lighten up on a place because of heavy visitation, and I don't know how long it's been since I was a super regular here, but apparently I've been gone long enough for someone else to set up Lonely Shop.  I walked in, sat at a random two-top and set out my dine-alone accoutrements; my phone (face down), iPad set on "game" and a thin veil of judgement.  I readily ordered green tea and Siapore Mai Funand and set on to trying to make an eight letter word with only one vowel.  Then, I felt my veil waft a bit when I heard the man seated next to me speak.   First, he called the waitress by her name as she walked by, then he asked her a hypothetical question about a possible future order.  I pegged him in a second; THE LONELY DINER.  He is someone I hope to never become.  He's that late middle-aged man, who is so lonely, he eats in public only to not be alone, try to make friends of the wait staff and make everyone around him feel uncomfortable.  Almost any time a staff member walked by, he called them by name and made some comment or asked some inane hypothetical, like, "So if I ordered the Sai gow, you know maybe, in the future, do you think they could serve it with a different dipping sauce than what it comes with?  What dipping sauce does it come with?"  The staff was very friendly, but after I exchanged a judgey look with the slightly younger single guy sitting on my other side, the rest of us were cringing.  As I was finishing my meal, he flagged down Jose and asked if Mary was leaving, because she had placed his check on the table, and he had not asked for it... She appeared two minutes later and removed the check from his table.

I'm not an idiot, I actually did consider that when I found a parking in that impossible parking lot shared with Whole Foods, that I actually entered some time warp thingy and was actually seated next to future me.  It had to be future me, otherwise, why would he be so comfortable talking to me?  He tried to draw me into his sad web of forlorness as he leaned over and said, "I don't know if you know this, but they have great ice cream here.  Have you ever had their almond ice cream, it's great."

To which I replied, "I sorry, me no speaky LONELY."  Actually, said, "Yes, I have.  Thank you." And shut it down immediately.  Look, I have to judge him and not give in to any pity. He's giving us Die Aloners a bad name!  I am alone, not lonely.  If I'm get lonely there's a Craiglist for it! (actually, I don't Craigslist, because I am wary of serial killers.)  Seriously though, when you dine alone, you are in charge of your own entertainment and you are there to eat.  That is it!  If you're lonely, voulunteer some place where there are people.  Pretend to have an addiction and take in some meetings!  Walk by a skin treatment kiosk at the Grove!  But, for piss sakes, DO NOT MAKE RESTAURANT FOLK FEAR DIE ALONERS!!  It's hard enough to get refills on my green tea without the waiter avoiding me because he's worrying that I'm gonna ask about climate change and its affect on springroll stuffin's!  I wish that it was future me sitting next to me, because I would have slugged myself in the face and told me to snap out of it! Cripes! Sometimes, the Trials of Man Solo, aren't about dining alone, but restraining oneself from punching a possible future-self, because it might not be...

I hope I don't have to stay away from Kung Pao some more, the Singapore Mai Fun was superb!

The Trials of Man Solo - Scratch Vyn'l

There I was, in New York City, April, 2015,
waiting at Vynl for my friend and current DAB (Die Alone Buddy), Richard.
I got there a little early, so the wait for a table would be shorter.
Unfortunately, my twenty minute wait for a table for two was all for naught,
as Richard and I had miscommunicated and I would be dining alone.
When I informed the lovely hostess that, I would be dining alone, after all,
she took a glance at two available tables and then informed me that I'd have to wait
fifteen minutes or so for an available table, behind another unfortunate single man
who was waiting to dine alone (and who arrived after I did, by the bi).
Such are The Trials of Man Solo.  You see, the two available tables both had capacity for
four people and, even though there was no one waiting to sit in them, their policy
is to make two people who are actually there (one who had been there for twenty minutes
already) wait longer until a smaller table opens up.  I understand that a business mind might think that a table of four is better than a table of one, because that means a bigger check.  However,
if there is zero sitting at the table, one is better, right?  One is more than zero, right?
Isn't one in the booth better than four in the bush?

The fact of the matter is that regardless of the number of people seated at a table, the people
coming to dine there are going to have to wait for table until whomever is sitting there is done,
most people are willing to do that. If the service is good, a single would probably be in and out in a jiff.  I think it is outrageous to make two people wait while there are two available tables with no one in line to sit in them.  At the very least, the hostess might have suggested that we two singles share one table.  Aside from being outraged, the fact that I had a show starting in less than an hour kept me from patiently waiting for another 15 minutes or so to be seated.  I left in an exaggerated huff and settled for a tasty bowl at a Chipotle on the way to the theater.

Vynl used to be a place at which I HAD to eat, at least once, every visit to N.Y.
What with Chelsea's 8th Avenue fading away into nothingness, it was nice to have a place to go where I could count on a tasty meal and good time.  I can't return there. While I have no problem dining alone, I do have issues with a place that makes me feel penalized for it.  I shan't return to
Vnyl, I'll just pretend that it was located on 8th Avenue and disappeared along with the rest of some
of my other favorite haunts.  (Yes, I did enjoy a few meals at the Vynl briefly located at 8th & 16th).  I might miss its colorful decor with records on the wall and musically themed restrooms, but
the good thing about New York is there are plenty of restaurants with charm and personality.
Just remember, there may be 45's on the wall, but there are no singles allowed at Vynl.