This Is Why I'm Single - Male Unicorn

Nuff said.

Happy Holidays!!!

Here I am in El Paso, Texas

not alone for the holidays!

I'm visiting family and 

my best friend since High School, Ted.

I hope that if you find yourself alone

that you find ways to enjoy your time and take care of yourself!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Gift Ideas For the Dying Alone - Charade Buddy!

This is the first time I am an actual recipient of a Gift For the Dying Alone.  Let me tell you, I just received this present last night and I couldn't wait to tell you about it! 
I got WHO'S THE DUDE? for Christmas from my friends, Oscar & Daron.  I'm not sure if they knew they got me a Gift For the Dying Alone... I mean last year they got me the board game version of WORDS WITH FRIENDS -DELUXE, knowing full well, I rarely have friends over to my place.  Well, this year they got me a game with an inflatable playmate!! 
Yeah! This blow up guy, The Dude, plays with me!

I took him out of the box and blew him. We became fast buddies...

We played charades, as suggested...

But, when we were done, we agreed that The Dude was not ready to be deflated, so I poured us some Nigori Sake and we watched TROOP BEVERLY HILLS together.

After he told me how Shelly Long's character reminded him of Private Benjamin and his Aunt Solly, we got deeper into conversation and found that we had a lot in common!  We liked a lot of the same stuff and had a very similar frame of reference.  Then, I found myself liking the way the tiny Chrismas lights on my tiny Christmas tree reflected off of his beard.  I got lost in his dark sunglasses and realized that I was becoming very attracted to him.  Mentally AND physically!  I mean. look at that ass!

As if you couldn't see this coming, we ended up in bed together, sounding off our favorite TALES OF THE CITY quotes to each other...  and fooling around.

After enjoying some more sake and giggles in bed, we had our first fight.

 After I finally let him back in (the neighbors were giving us weird looks), we hugged for a little while, made our apologies and I deflated him.  I put him in my underwear drawer where he'll stay until I have time for another in-home date.  Did I mention I'm going to El Paso for Christmas?  I'll be gone for a  few days and I hope he doesn't forget the good time we had and how we survived our first tiff.  I don't know, maybe we'll have a go at it, all I DO know is that this is the best Christmas gift I've gotten in a while!  And as one of the Dying Alone, I can whole heartedly recommend this gift!

I give him 8 out of 10 bathrobes!

Gift Ideas For the Dying Alone - Jizzfrey Cleaners

The holidays are here and it's gift giving time, but what do you get for that friend who's going to die alone, and seems to have everything he wants?  

How about a guaranteed visit from JIZZFREY CLEANERS?  Who are these Jizzfrey guys?  

Well, they provide a service that I'm sure everybody would love.  After the gift is arranged, Jizzfrey Cleaners contacts the recipient and gives them a stylish death alert bracelet. At the moment of death, Jezzfrey Cleaners dispatches a crew to their home and "cleans" up. 

 If they had a dildo that was just right for them, but looks too big or slutty, our cleaners will take it! Two month old sheets on the bed?  Our Cleaners will change them!  

Was someone really into fishnet pantyhose, with personal photos to go along with that fetish, but uncomfortable with family and friends knowing?  Our cleaners will take it!  

Is there a "Make America Great Again" cap in the sock drawer?  Our cleaners will take it, spit on it and then burn it!  

A little too many visits to MyEggplantIntakeDiaryWithPics.com?  Our cleaners will wipe that web history!

Basically, anything someone doesn't want their Mom to see, our cleaners will take it!

(It should be said; child porn, illicit drugs, dead bodies that are not the client, or anything of an illegal sort is exempt from this service)

If you haven't gotten me a gift, please consider getting me this!

JIZZFREY CLEANERS

"You're dead, you shouldn't have to sweat Home Sweet Home!"

Getting Out - Going From Away

I'm in New York for a quick weekend of shows!  I was joined by muh DAB, Glenn Gaylord and we hit the ground running!  After we landed on Thursday, we went our separate ways at the TKTS booth, so while Glenn enjoyed WAITRESS, I was paying my repsects to SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

It's a fun, colorful show with some good laughs. It ain't art, but it was just the ticket after a 5 hour flight.

Yesterday we saw COME FROM AWAY

Which we both loved!  It's a great show that relies on the talent of the cast & musicians, and they delivered.  No super fancy sets or FX, just a group of people on stage the entire time playing various distinct characters.  See it.

Today, I'm rushing off for a 3 show day.  I woke up to snow, so I'm going to cut this short, so that I have plenty of time for my ONCE ON THIS ISLAND matinee.

Here are the shows...

See you soon!

Too Busy For Love - Drag the Halls

Gentle readers, I have not forgotten about you!  I've just been too busy to post!
No, it's true!  You see the Friday after Thanksgiving I couldn't even think of meeting a potential suitor nor post because I had rehearsal for the show that opened Saturday afternoon!

Chico's Angels in Feliz Navidivas opened, we did three shows on Saturday, three shows on Sunday, then a show on Monday and Tuesday night! I was pooped!!

I did enjoy fun visits from fun folk like Greg In Hollywood, Greg Hernandez

Julie Brown

Debbie Gibson

and super hottie Wilmer Valderrama

As well as a few hottie mens

I snuck in a movie with friends...

We enjoyed MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS

Add to that needing to deal with all the press and fans clamoring for autographs, all because

Chico's Angels have become cover models!  We are on the cover and featured in the December issue of THE FIGHT MAGAZINE

We were photographed by Dusti Cunningham and joined by reliable hunk, Duke Shoman.

As a matter of fact, as soon as I'm done posting this I'm rushing off to see darling, Natalie Lander sing her butt off in HOME ALONE, 

 Then, later this evening I travel to Atwater Village to catch BOB'S HOLIDAY OFFICE PARTY again, because 21 times isn't enough!

Then, I have to prep for my trip to New York later this week... I've been sneaking in loads of laundry where I could the past couple of days.  I'm so super busy!

I couldn't even play catch up with you guys, much less even think of shopping for and meeting a date! Too busy for love!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I had a fabulous Thanksgiving, not alone!

I am grateful!

I hope yours was just as fab!!

Gay of A Certain Age - Recreate Geoff at 50

Well, here it is!  My Recreate Geoff at 50 Project has come to an end and I share the results with you now.   First, I said, “I CHALLENGE myself to recreate this photo on my 50th birthday.  Also, knowing me, I will stipulate that I MUST have a body, fit like Geoff's, not just the one I have now.”  Well, I don’t know how well I actually did on the “fit like him” portion, but I did lose 20 pounds painlessly.  WTF do I mean by “painlessly”?  I did it by not eating so much crap, eating smaller portions and walking more.  I had a brief flirtation with the gym, but I took a trip to New York, then hit my busy schedule of full time work and Chico’s Angels and other “Too busy for gym love” crap, that I fell off that wagon, again.  Still, I have managed to keep it off- (although Thanksgiving & Christmas scare me).

Also, I said I would do it ON my fiftieth birthday.  I don’t think I knew then, that I would be on a trip to New Zealand and Australia, so I delayed that recreating as few days until I had more control of my environment; as I wanted it to look as much like Geoff’s original photo as possible.  Then, I had no idea that telling y’alls about my birthday trip would take over a month… So finally here it is.

WAIT! One more excuse, note, getting the camera at the correct angle (stacking chairs & boxes to get it right), clicking the button, running and getting in place and posing (while neked, with the blinds open enough for arrant neighbors to get a gander) in the short ten second period was difficult! (but fun!)

Here it is!!

The Original Geoff shot

my recreation

I guess, my pose is a little more balletic than "guy sleeping", but I only had 10 second to get from camera, in bed, place sheet just so and pose.  I'm pleased that I don't look as tubby as I did when I first made the challenge, and while I didn't reach "Geoff fitness proportions", I did lose enough weight to feel more confident walking the street.

I found that I took a slightly naughtier version... I guess I was REALLY having fun.
You can see that naughty photo  HERE  (DON'T CLICK HERE, MOM!)

Gay of A Certain Age - The Big Five Oh! - My Last Aussie Day

Suddenly it was the last day of my birthday trip.  That morning, I thought I'd make it a full day of site seeing and maybe catch a bus for a day trip out to a fancy beach, so I'd have to be out of my room and on the street by 9:00 AM.  That's what I thought, what actually happened was I was so knocked down and dehydrated by my body's liquidation sale, because of the glutenful burger bun and copious servings of hard apple cider, that I didn't get out of bed until 1:00 PM.  I actually forced myself out of the bed and into the shower because I didn't want to miss the entire day because I was being wimpy.  

Once out of the hotel, I walked over to the trolly stop, where I remembered seeing a sign about a hop on/hop off trolly around the area.

Here it comes!  

I really didn't mind waiting for it, because there was so much to see 

like old buildings..

Signs...

...and local hotties, waiting for the same trolly!  

So, I hopped on the trolly, got off and found a place to stuff my face.  Of course, after I had gotten some food in me and downed a bottle of water, I felt better.  I continued my tour and admired the architecture, old and new...

Then, I happened upon this lovely place; Queen Victoria Market

Inside I found such tasty and visual delights!

And the fellas behind the counter were tasty, too!

I wanted to sample those, too!
Alas, I had to move on and take a gander at the non-edible treats

I made my way to the trolly stop and hopped on.  This time I made it all the way to the water.
There were such beautiful and colorful buildings

and a bridge I remember crossing in the cab on the way in.

There was also a nice place for a levitating selfie!

Did I mention the colorful architecture?

By this point, I had expended all my energy, so I hopped on the trolly. I headed back to the hotel, so that I could rest up for a few hours for my sexy time ahead at The Laird!

On the ride home, I admired more of Melbourne...

 All rested up, I re-showered, picked cute underwear, picked out my sexiest clean t-shirt & jeans and headed out.  In a few minutes I was back at The Laird for the sexy club I was promised.

 I paid my $20 and entered Voguey Bear.  I know it's nerdy to show up right at start time, but I couldn't be out too late because I had to get up early to catch my flight home the next morning.  Now, the way this was described to me, there was to be a "spa" like atmosphere with a dark room for neked shenanigans.  I walked about and found the "dark room", it was a little square of room blocked off/out by a flimsy black sheet of plastic.  Hmmm.  Already 40 minutes in and there's only me and one other guy, who showed up with something in a large brown paper bag that he checked in with the bartender when he arrived.  I was anxious & horny and getting bored.  Since I was the first arrival, I thought I should set the tone, so I checked my pants, leaving my sexy clean t-shirt on and traipsing around in the carefully chosen cute underwear which matched the ankle-cut socks in the shoes I also left on.  The event poster has a neked bear guy dancing around on it, after all!  That other guy collected his brown bag and left.  I was just about to confront that Paul Mac guy, (who was kind enough to carry on a nice, but awkward conversation for an extended time with me while spinning tunes) when men started arriving.  I confidently strolled about, clutching my bottle of Hard Apple Cider... in my underwear.  It had been another hour since others arrived, creating a nice atmosphere, but no one else checked their pants!  I failed at setting the tone!  Nonetheless, I stuck to the underwear look because I had committed to it and I'm probably never going to see any of these people ever again, so there!  Paul Mac introduced me to a handful of guys and I had a nice time chatting with them.  It was obvious that I was not going to have the sexy time I had imagined, so I let that go and just enjoyed the night.  All in all, it was like spending an off night at the Faultline or Eagle in Los Angeles, in my underwear.  At 11:00 PM I retrieved my pants, said my goodbye and cabbed it to the hotel.  I like to imagine that only half an hour after I left, it all turned into a raging orgy... but only because I had taken off my pants and set the tone.

I got everything in order and I went to sleep with hopes of waking up feeling well enough to endure a 14 hour flight home, because as a Gay of A Certain Age, I know that even though one would try, they can't sleep the entire way back.  Luckily, I woke up feeling much better and a little energized.  I made it to the lovely airport, greeted by a giant sign, bidding me farewell

I had a fabulous time and even though a few of my excursions were cancelled and I spent most of my time in the cities and rarely got to a beach or cave or kangaroo reserve, I feel like I couldn't possibly have done more.  I loved my time in New Zealand and Australia and hope to return! I also hope to see Nate and Dan in person again! A huge thank you to yous guys for enhancing my trip!!
G'day!