Say! I just found an essay I wrote a little while back about growing up and the music I listened to and I thought it might be fun for yous guys to read in a two-terlet-visit scenario! It's a little long, but I think it says something very life changing and super important about the question of becoming gay because of our influences VS being attracted to certain things because we are already gay. ...or maybe it's just a cute read... You decide...
When did I meet Lovely Rita Meter
Maid? How did I get The News of the World?
Where did I learn to Bungle in the Jungle? Who introduced me to the
music world as I know it? Without
holding one class, it was my older sister by six years, Grace who taught me
what music is, rather, it was her unattended album collection that did. I imagine it happened the same way with many
other people; they entered the tuneful world of rock and roll when they sneaked
into forbidden territory, their older sibling’s room, and played their albums
at risk of death. I confess that I was a
young ditcher. I used to skip school
early in my educational career because I was bored. I preferred to stay home and watch the soaps
and get into Grace’s trove of auditory delight.
I learned all the words to all the songs on the Beatles’ red and blue
double albums, I twirled like a drunk monkey to Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors and even
dabbled in the world of Jethro Tull. I
felt super naughty when I sang, “It’s four o’clock in the morning, DAMMIT,
listen to me good…” with Captain Fantastic.
I felt superior when I tied my mother down along with Freddie Mercury
& Queen. All of this happened before
I entered the third grade.
I wonder
what people with no older brother or sister do.
Where do they get that intense education from? Their parents? Hopefully, they have some young aunt or uncle
who lets them hang out. I don’t know how
my sister clued in, it certainly wasn’t my parents. If that were the case, I’d
be writing about Vikki Carr and Freddy Fender (both of whom I came to
appreciate at a more mature age). All I
know is that she had great taste and fantastic dialing skills. I was much too young to buy albums of my own
and wouldn’t know what to buy. My sister
on the other hand, was old enough, but with a limited income. She didn’t let a lack of cash stop her,
though, she took to winning albums from radio stations across the city. She knew how to work that random caller
number mojo. I remember not
understanding why she was so upset when she won Queen’s A NIGHT AT THE OPERA,
but instead was delivered the soundtrack to THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY because they
had run out of Queen albums. All I did
know was that I had a double album to listen to that wouldn’t get me in trouble. I learned all the songs on that soundtrack
and didn’t even see the movie ‘til ten years later on Showtime; it wasn’t good. Because of my keen sense of observation, a
little later, I came to understand the difference between the brilliance of
Freddie Mercury and the crap that was “Trapped in a Stairway” by Paul
Jabara. That’s not to say that I don’t
enjoy breaking into a crap song, disco or not.
Therein lies a conundrum, why could I tolerate disco, even though it
wasn’t on my sister’s curriculum? Where
did I learn that?
How could
my sister’s fine taste have rubbed off on me, but I still liked disco? That brings me to my queer query. Right behind my sister was my older brother,
Benny Jr., he was only one year younger than her and had albums of his
own. Why didn’t I gravitate towards his
33LPs? They were just as available as
Grace’s when I had the house to myself while they were at school. Was it because I faced a penalty worse than
death; a PAINFUL death, if I was caught?
I don’t think so. I was very careful
about not getting caught; everything back the way it was, no fingerprints and
the volume knob exactly at the right setting.
Even though I was cautious, I could not plan for everything, like the
one time my cousin Tony framed me for a misfiled Twisted Sister album. I didn’t see that one coming, but I did see
my brother coming at me angrily. Despite
that beating, I don’t think that answers why I was not drawn to his Ted Nugent,
Black Sabbath, Van Halen and Scorpions the way I was attracted to Grace’s
Carpenters, Billy Joel, Elton John and Steely Dan. Was this a clue that I had “different
sensibilities” than my male heterosexual brother? More sensitive “sensibilities”? Was this a
clue that I was gay?
When I bought my first album with
my own money, as a youngster, it was CHIPMUNK PUNK. I found it age appropriate and satisfying
because it was cute versions of the songs I already knew! Then came MTV to further shape my musical
mind. As I aged, I still leaned towards
my sister’s tastes with Heart, Pat Benatar, the B-52’s and Boston
that some equally present brotherly influences were simply spurned, which makes me wonder if my sexual orientation steered me in one direction more than the other. I know some factions would suggest that my sexuality was shaped by the musical influence, like I wouldn’t be gay if I had listened to more Iron Maiden and less Linda Ronstadt. I’m certain that’s not true. Whatever the answer, I am definitely sure that while, just like the white winged dove I like to sing a song... I can still rock you like a hurricane! I am so grateful to my older siblings for their unintentional influence and tutorage, even at a cost of a punch per scratch and a kick per skip.
…but I still wonder where the hell I got the penchant for show tunes!
HERE'S A VISUAL:
A family portrait with Mom, Isabel Grace, Grandma, Julie, me and Ben- with our tastes spelled out...
that some equally present brotherly influences were simply spurned, which makes me wonder if my sexual orientation steered me in one direction more than the other. I know some factions would suggest that my sexuality was shaped by the musical influence, like I wouldn’t be gay if I had listened to more Iron Maiden and less Linda Ronstadt. I’m certain that’s not true. Whatever the answer, I am definitely sure that while, just like the white winged dove I like to sing a song... I can still rock you like a hurricane! I am so grateful to my older siblings for their unintentional influence and tutorage, even at a cost of a punch per scratch and a kick per skip.
…but I still wonder where the hell I got the penchant for show tunes!
HERE'S A VISUAL:
A family portrait with Mom, Isabel Grace, Grandma, Julie, me and Ben- with our tastes spelled out...
(CLICK IT!)
