Gay of A Certain Age- Always Something There to Remind Me

This is a picture of me in someone's guest bathroom a little while ago.  In my frame of mind, then, I thought, "Great! Art to remind people of their body issues."  I ran across this photo and was reminded of a project I embarked upon last June.  Remember the Recreate Geoff at 50 project?  In short, I'm supposed to recreate his photo on my 50th birthday.  Well, if you've been reading my posts, you know how terribly busy I am!!  So, with my 50th birthday looming at barely over a month away, I've got a crap load of catching up to do!  I had started gong to the gym with some regularity, then I went to New York for a weekend.  When I got back, I immediately fell into the busy pit and the gym was not to be seen again.  I didn't say much about that, because I had also said I would stop whining about my weight/fitness here.  As for where I am at this moment, I have lost a little over ten pounds in the last two weeks or so by cutting down on the food portions, with very little to no snacking.  I've also been putting my FitBit (in my pocket because of the bad skin reaction) to work and getting as close to my 10,000 steps a day goal as possible. That includes walking back and forth in my apartment before midnight, like a crazy person.  Also, if history can be trusted, I can count on losing at least another 5 pounds while doing Chico's Angels 4: Chicas Are 4Ever.  Last night was opening night and being in almost every scene with 8 fast costume changes, I was sweating up a storm (all while trying to keep my make-up fresh).

It also helps having a hunk to fondle as inspiration for fitness, right?

I hope I can get my ears as hunky as I found his last night!

I hope I can get myself down to at least 190 lbs and find a way to tone up nicely before I post my nearly neked self pic on October 3 (or a little after, since I will be in Australia, then and can't predict postability)!

Meanwhile, Geoff, doesn't seem to be having any problem staying fit..

But rest assured, I will post that pic no matter how proud or displeased I am with my body because I know, as a Gay of A Certain Age, it is important to set goals and do what you say you're going to do.  ...even if I don't have any Spartan Races in my near future!

Gay of A Certain Age - The Sting of Rejection

I am truly grateful for my gift from Brett and I've worn it every day (It goes with everything!) but my body seems to have, again, come between me and fitness.  The FitBit does help motivate me to move much more than I had been, that is why it is so valuable to me.  Unfortunately, it also causes me ouchies.  I have a rash and minor blistering around the band, not in the metal areas.  No. REALLY!  I'm not just making this up so that I don't have to walk! Look

Anyway, despite the rash and blisters, which aren't very painful, I'm still wearing it.  Does anyone know if this could be problematic, beyond the minor discomfort?  Like, is my hand going to fall off? Does anyone know about alternatives to the bands?  As a Gay of A Certain Age, I know it is not wise to ignore signs from one's body that there is something not right.  I'm going to look for more a solution, but will wear it until I do.    I'd love to tell you more, but this thing is telling me I gotta walk.

Gay of A Certain Age - Just Watch Me, Big Brother!

I'm making headway!  Since I posted about my diagnosis as a Type 2 Diabetic, I've lost 10 neked pounds!  In 3 weeks, I've been able to reduce my fattiness to a point that gives me encouragement to go on to more loss.  Nobody has asked me how I did it, so I'll tell you!  I actually started moving.  Yes, it's that simple.  I started actively walking.  Of course, I'm watching what I eat, eat smaller portions and try to eat throughout the day, but I think the biggest change is the moving.  Of course, running around for two hours in a hot basement, wearing pantyhouse and a wig sure helped with the first  few pounds...

...but since my co-worker Cynthia (Not her real name) (Okay, it is her real name) showed me that my iPhone counts steps, I've been crazy about getting those numbers up to or passed the 10,000 steps a day recommendation.  So, on the way home from work I'll take the  l o n g  way home and go uphill to Sunset to my chosen harmless dinner destination.  Along my walks, I've gotten to know my city a little better.  I've seen the soon (?) to be demolished House of Blues, dying alone.

 I've also seen my local fire department enjoying some Pinches Tacos!

I get a good number of steps in this way, and I also get to pay a little attention to some of the neglected songs on my iPod.

I've had a great time thinking of fun ways to get my steps in.  They've included:
Walking around the Public Market in Seattle,

Walking around Disneyland for a day,

And going for walks with muh DAB, Dennis and his impossibly cute pup, Enzo!

This morning, I'm walking over to the Grove with muh DAB, Brett to catch a viewing of the SUICIDE SQUAD

I simply MUST see what everybody is hating about!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've learned to embrace any excuse to get a few steps in before the end of the day.

Gay of A Certain Age - Defeated

I wasn't kidding when I said that show was kicking my ass...
Alright, the photo is a bit posed and hyperbolic, but it isn't that far from the truth.   The constant action on stage and heat under the lights, in a wig and in the tight dressing room really drained me.  When I started doing this show 13 years ago, it didn't task me so.  Well, I recently discovered that age and heat were not the only reason I was having trouble.  My physician, Dr. Blueeyes, called and left me a message.  My check-up results came in and it turns out I am officially a Type 2 Diabetic.

So, you'll be relieved to learn that we won't be suffering anymore "Wah wah wah, I'm fat, poor me..." posts.  I've yet to speak to Dr. Blueeyes, but I'm hoping he'll let me have six weeks to turn things around before we start me on medication.  You see, I wasn't exaggerating when I've said I haven't been to the gym in at least two years.  I'm hoping that if I actually start up the working out & fitness stuff, I'll be able to reverse the damage.  I've had a continuing conversation with a friend of mine whom also struggles with weight.  I call it the "What Will It Take?" talk.   When I was first told I was Pre-Diabetic, I didn't change my behavior much. That diagnosis wasn't enough to at least get me to the gym?  Then he had a health scare, which didn't change his behavior for very long.  Recently we had a friend lose a chunk of his foot to diabetes! What will it take?  Well, I hope I can call this new development "What it took".

On the positive side, when we started the show, I was weighing in at 208 and this morning I was at 202.  See? All that sweating on stage was good for something;  I got a little head start!
Today, after work, I started a walking regime and did a 40 minute walk around town with my iPod, ending at Guisados, where I was fairly certain I couldn't do too much damage after my walk.

Also, I was gonna wait until after my birthday in October, but I guess I have to start my Recreate Geoff at 50 Project a little early.  So, as a Gay of A Certain Age I've come to a point that when I feel defeated, I must rebound and appreciate that 2 goals are better than one!

Gay of A Certain Age - These Little Feets of Mine AKA Mortified

People, I am MORTIFIED! Yesterday, not one day after vowing to get fit & recreate my friend Geoff's picture, I have had an extremely horrifying experience with muh DAB, Brett.  Brett's contribution to my fitness needs, after trying everything else, is to get me to walk more.  Yesterday, as we've done a few times before, we planned to walk from his house to the Westfield Mall in Century City to watch a movie.  This trip's movie was THE NICE GUYS

I was a little weary because the times we have done this before, I've suffered from chaffing so awful that it feels like wearing a barbed wire jockstrap.  Even with that pain, I soldiered on until we got back to his place.  This time, as we approached the half way mark(1.5 of 3 miles), my legs started to ache as the muscles along my shins, down to my feet seized up.  As I felt it coming on, I casually requested we stop to stretch for a second, not letting on how much pain I was experiencing.  More painful was the fight in my head, trying to go on in tremendous pain or just stopping and confessing that I couldn't go on.  There was also confusion; just the week before, I was in the Bronx, walking in the heat trying to find the Botanical Garden that promised to be just a block or two from the Fordham subway stop according to the map.  It was a long walk.  I walked all over New York for 5 days, without this problem.  Why now, with Brett, was this an issue?  Confusion or not, we stopped.  I confessed to Brett that I couldn't make it.  He was gracious and called an Uber, to drive us a shameful 1.5 miles.  Well, it turns out, it was a good thing we did, because we got there with only a little time to spare, we would never have made it in time for the movie!

Even though I enjoyed the movie very much, and we enjoyed a very nice lunch at Rock Sugar (Where I loved the fabulous Festive Rice) I was awash in embarrassment.  Why'd this have to happen with Brett, of all friends?  He is my most focused friend with will power and discipline to match.  Even though he was supportive, I still felt like I let him down... and robbed him of 1.5 miles of planned fitness.  Well, it's just more motivation to get more fit, right?  I have got make it up to him.  I owe Brett 1.5 miles.  I suppose now is a good time to get started on that hot water diet he's been trying to get me on.  Cheers!

Chef Brett with my prepared hot water

Gay Of A Certain Age - Is He Talking To Me?

This is my buddy, Geoff.  We used to hang out quite a bit before he moved to Houston.

Here you see us doing something outdoors and physicalistic & stuff- that's how it used to be for me;

Meet up with Geoff & his girlfriend, load up the dogs and go climb a hill or something.  Since he's moved away, I don't do much of that any more.  I'm not blaming him for my getting fat, but it was kind of selfish of him not to think of that before moving away.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've realized that it's important to consider the friends in your life and what influence they have on you.  I always felt grateful for having a friend in Geoff, but I never even considered the subtle influence he had on my physical well being.  We never went to the gym together and I never took his kickboxing class, but our regular hang out time did include fun, active stuff, (made extra fun with his goofy dogs).  Geoff moved away 3 years ago and I've gone to visit him twice and in that time, he's opened up his own DoJo Fitness place.  We still keep in touch, but I'm a little upset that instead of telling me that I'm fat, to my face, he put out this video for the whole world to see!

Thanks a lot, Geoff!

This Is Why I Am Single - Me vs Me

Here's a nice photo of me at some street event, probably in 1999.
Dang, I had abs.
This is back when I had a job as a temp and had a friend who was a writing and a work-out partner.
I would work until 6:00, then head to his place where we would write until 8 or 8:30, then head to the gym, then get get a lite dinner.  I usually got home and in bed by 11:00 and started all over again.  Looking back, I think that steady schedule really helped me keep things in perspective and goals in sight.  Maybe a year or so later, our differences became more apparent so we stopped writing together and eventually stopped working out together.  That, coupled with me getting hired full-time, making me able to afford lunches and dinners that I couldn't have as a temp, led me down the road to Chunky Town.
I was still working out, but other things got in the way, like acting, networking, socializing , T.V. watching and shoe cleaning.  When I look at photos from that period, with my 2015 vision, I still looked pretty good, even if then, I thought I was fat.
Currently, I'm not  a gym goer (I still pay my monthly dues, which I call my Fat Tax), and I'm actually fat.  Not the exaggerated Hollywood - HaHa Funny Fat Guy fat, but the Dr. BlueEyes saying, "You need to lose 40 pounds," fat.  If you looked at me walking down the street, you might think you're seeing an anthropomorphic avocado strolling along, but you probably wouldn't think, "Wow, that guy is fat!". Granted, the fact that not doing crunches in a long while has me walking with my stomach out, as if it were Toucan Sam's snout sniffing for Fruit loops, which enhances the belly image, but if I suck it in, it ain't so bad.  Therein lies the danger. I can rationalize that it's not great, but it's not that bad.  But it is.
So here I am, late forties and looking at a pic of myself in good shape wondering what went wrong.
I find myself very easily thinking, "No wonder nobody wants to date me! I'm a chunky schlub."

Now, I have the pic on a vision board I see every day to tell myself I can get back to that.
And that is going to help me get back to that!  
Isn't it?
Or am I sabotaging myself by competing with a me that is 15 years younger and in a situation that really lent itself to staying thin?  Seriously, would I have chosen to eat a can of kidney beans or tuna for lunch if I could have afforded more?  I'm not saying that I can't get in better shape, or that I can't buckle down and set up a strict schedule that has me going to work, then to the gym, then to bed.  I'm not saying I can't make better food choices.  I'm just wondering if I'm giving up before I start because I'm trying to literally be 15 years younger!  My heart & spirit say, "You can do it!', but my head says, "Dude, don't even!" and the head has my lowered metabolism, aching back, growling stomach and X-Box cheering it on very loudly.
Somewhere in between the spirit and the head, I need to find what it is that'll get me back into being interested in being fit again, along with realistically living the life I enjoying living.  I realize I'm not the schlub I get to thinking I am, and I know I'm attractive to some guys, but I do desire some more confidence in that area.  So, when I do get back into the fitness fray, I will be competing with my current self and not the self that I can no longer, realistically be.
Who knows, maybe when I'm in better shape and finally have the confidence to approach that guy I couldn't have before, it'll turn out he was really attracted to the schlubby me.
At least I'll be healthier...