Wednesday, September 9, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - Geography Is Destiny

So there's this guy I enjoy spending time with, I'll call him "Beardy McHat".  We have a nice energy together and we don't mind touching each other with poking sticks.  Here's the thing, I drove down to Redondo Beach, where he lives and we had a very nice time, which included sharing a lovely sunset. Unfortunately, it never happened again.  We didn't magically connect and even though he works in L.A., we never got our schedules in synch.  So, while we still have some of that sparky stuff when we happen to be in the same place, we haven't taken it any further.  It's unlikely that we will in the foreseeable future.  I think part of the reason is this stupid item I have in my arsenal of
Alone Weaponry, which is the label of Geographically Undisirable. Is Beardy McHat geographically Undisirable? Redondo Beach is 18 miles away from West Hollywood, so yes.  Definitely YES.  He's a fine fella and I like the cut of his jib, and he likes the uncut of mine, but honestly, can I drive that long on the 405 and not take it out on him once I get there?  I get crabby standing in line at the super fancy market check out, imagine my crab level in stop-start traffic for 18 miles!  Sure, he drives that distance every day to work and says he doesn't mind it, but I guess that's where our jibs differ.  I might as well wear red driving gloves, I get so crabby.

Geographical Undisirability is not a snobby label.  It has very little to do with where someone lives, it's all about how far they live.  Live in a valley? Okay, but how close is it to me? Live in a cardboard shack? Fine, but how far away is it? Friggin' A, a beach house? But, how long does it take to get there?  I have friends who have dated guys in Long Beach who say it's no problem, but come on!  I get off work at 6:00, then go home to shower & stuff in order to leave home by 7:00, drive for an hour or so to get there by 8:30, an hour and a half for dinner and I'm not negotiating a make-out session until 10:00 PM, all the time trying to figure out how long we can make-out, before I have to hit the road so that I can get home in time to get to sleep so that I'm not a zombie at work the next day.  It's exhausting just writing it out! No thanks!

This Is Why I Am Single; I'm lazy and crabby when it comes to driving.  I'm willing to date someone who lives a fair distance away, I'm just not likely to drive to them.  Doesn't that limit my chances of finding "the one"?  Yes, but that's also why this article is called what it is.  Let's chalk this up to a personal selfish foible that "the one" is willing to over-look, if indeed he is someone who lives not so close to me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check to see if there is any actual milage mark that constitutes a "Long Distance" relationship. I'm sure if there is, it'll include a sliding border that accounts for wet weather of any moisture level, road repair, Hollywood Bowl events and Cancer/AIDS fundraisers involving running, biking or walking.

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