Gay of A Certain Age - Avery's Wild Birthday

Last weekend I enjoyed celebrating my friend, Avery's birthday.
It was a lovely evening with snacks of all types and a full bar with two very nice bartenders
helping us with our drinks of choice (I opted for the Crisp Apple Angry Orchard Cider that I brought).

It was a good time, I caught up with some old friends and I met some new folk!

I forget how old Avery turned, but the candles seemed plentiful, but non-threatening.

Meanwhile, the two handsome bartenders kept everyone's spirits up!

Then there were the gifts...

Avery enjoyed the gift that I got him.  I enjoyed so much, I put it on my wishlist for MY birthday!

Then there was THAT gift... One of Avery's female friends got him a stripper

It was cheesy fun, and when the stripper cop asked for volunteers, I was forced to, if only because no one else seemed to want to participate.  I guess it was fun.

I guess.

And that was the night!

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I find that you're never too old to participate in cheesy burlesque with a nice, nearly naked man.  So, when a stripper asks for volunteers and he's standing with all his stuff out in the open, don't leave him hanging...

Gay Of A Certain Age - Sucking In Sucks!

It's mid-July and I've only yesterday had my first pool party experience this year.
Yes, if I'm too busy for love, I'm certainly too busy for swimming!
I'm glad I found a time to be with my friends and new people,
but to be honest, I was none-too-glad to be in a swim suit.
You know if it's a gay pool party there's gonna be some hot rockin' sex God bods,
and this party was no different.  It's intimidating.  Then I looked around.
As a Gay Of A Certain Age, it's important to note that your contemporaries are probably more
like you than not.  I was not the only not-fit body there.  Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of
the close to 50's whose bodies looked like they had just stepped off the set of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS,

but I was comforted seeing a few who weren't concerned with model like attributes and sucking in their tummies.  I didn't feel as out of place as I worried I would.
How many gatherings had I talked myself out of attending, because I was worried about how I looked or how much I weigh?  Is that why I find myself alone?
Again, I'm not having a pity party for myself, because while I could stand to hit the gym,
I'm not Gilbert Grape's mom and I'm not that guy who fed his face to the dogs on HANNIBAL.
I think sometimes I just let myself fall into the gay trap of putting myself up against the images in gay mags & porn and feel like I have nothing to offer.  I know it's not true.  I think I've learned that, exactly like the gym, getting myself there is most of the battle and I usually enjoy my time there.

So, thank you, Avery, for the invite and I'm very glad I came!

He Don't Even Know! - DMY (Do Me Yourself)

Hey, "Kevin"!

I love imaginary Kevin

because he cares for me in some ways

more than I do myself!

I'm the worst at getting myself

to the gym & working out.

Kev likes to treat me like a project

and he's working it, good.

He gets me breathing heavily 

and sweaty in no time at all.

But my absolute favorite part is when he

stretches me.

He gives me a nice stretch.

He Don't Even Know - To Be A (Imaginary) Lover

This is "Terry"

My favorite thing about pretend Terry,

aside from his real Daddyliciousness,

is his ability to sing an 80's song

at the drop of a man without a hat!

I enjoy how foreplay

usually includes

bouncy tunes, some glamour rock

and a Pat Benatar power ballad or two.

We Belong together, indeed!

Invariably, I always get a fair trade on some

Flesh For Fantasy!

He Don't Even Know! - Present Laughter

Hello "Peter"!

Even though he doesn't know he's my boyfriend,

I imagine that he and I are together

because he is very serious.

As the middle child growing up,

he had to take things very seriously

to figure out ways to not be ignored.

Being serious doesn't mean he isn't fun, 

but his demeanor is a nice

contrast to my nutty side.

The most interesting thing about Peter is,

even though he is quite serious,

he giggles during sex!

And it's a sexy giggle, too.

You may not be able to imagine that,

but it comes from a place of shyness mixed with naughtiness

that always gets me in all the right places.

You can't try to make it happen, either,

it just happens in moment.

I guess that's what I find sexiest about it,

it means here's right there with me.

Ha!

Giggle on, Peter.  Giggle on!

Gay of a Certain Age - Plowers In the Attic 2; If There Be Porns

I have so much crap piled in my home, it's time for a yard sale.
Sometimes that means saying goodbye to stuff that you are still fond of,
but that there's no room for in your life.  You know, like seasons of REVENGE.
Since it finally went off the air, my DVR is a little cleaner and so is my life.
I love you Emily Thorn/Amanda Clarke, but enough.

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I think I am almost ready to let go of my DVD porn.
I've done it before. At a West Hollywood yard sale, I packed several nice bags with 9 or 10
gay porn DVDs and labeled each one "Bag O Porn" and sold them for $5 or $3 depending on my mood.  It was a little difficult to see them walk off with horny strangers,
but luckily and unfortunately, they were fully replaced with new movies & stars within a year or so.
Now, I've come to embrace the internet before bedtime and I have a good stash of DVD
and few favorite VHS porn that are largely ignored.  They've sat in my closet, unwatched for at least a year.
I must say that the idea of selling off or >GASP< giving away my Chris Rockway movies is
making me tremble... I might keep those.

I've had a mad crush on Chris Rockway since I first laid eyes on him at L.A. Pride 2008.

Yeah, I'll keep those...

and my Paul Wagner movies... I might keep those.

He just seems like a sweet guy, you know?

Yeah I'll keep those.  But I'm getting rid of the others!

I need more space and less clutter, so this Gay of a Certain Age is saying 

goodbye to the physical and hello to the naughty stuff in the air!

Mostly...

He Don't Even Know! - Keep me wet!

This is "Enrique"
I imagine he lets me call him Quiqui, 

along with his other friends.

Quiqui is very supportive!

Not only can he lift me over his shoulders

to get me closer to a light bulb

that needs changing, 

he also comes with me to 

my performances

to help with set up, 

or anything he can do.
Then, he sits in the crowd watching me perform.

Very supportive!

No matter how many times he's seen a show or bit I do,

he always laughs as if it's the first time.

Here he is at CSW Pride last year, 

making sure I kept hydrated

while I did color commentary 

for the judges' table 

during the parade.

I'm going to imagine him there

next week also,
as I do color commentary ,again.

...thinking about having a Quiqui.

He Don't Even Know! - De-lovely and Delicious

Hello, imaginary boy friend, "Stan"!

Stan is the man!

I love him so, 

because he's up for anything at any time!

Here we see Stan

hopping off of his pool towel

to dance to Dee-Lite's

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

because I said it was one of my favorite songs

as it came on.

He danced to the entire song

just for me!

He didn't even stop when his trunks loosened

 and fell down 

to his ankles.

...Turns out the groove is not

only in the heart!

He Don't Even Know! - He's a (roof) top!

This is "Ed".

Our imaginary love takes us to great heights.

As this photo shows, 

we went to the great height of the Emser Tile Building

in West Hollywood.

On this particularly extra hot summer evening, 

Ed told me to trust him

and let him lead me up white

fire escape stairs on the side of the building.

He knows I have a fear of heights, 

so as we got higher and my knees got weaker, 

he got closer behind me

until he was basically hugging me from behind

as we reached the top.

Then he had me strip to my underwear, 

as did he, 

and he walked me over to the giant neon sign.

Underneath it, he had set up a little picnic

with some of my favorite eats, 

including an order of Cauliflower Pakora

from Hugo's!

He also had ripe figs and Persecco

as a nice ender.

So, there we dined in our underwear under the 

red glow of the neon Emser sign.

I didn't let my acrophobia

bother me

as he held me close and we looked over the edge

of the building

and he pointed out 

other roof tops he'd be taking me on.

And then he took me right there.

He Don't Even Know!- Romancing the Lone

This colorful specimen is "Gerado".

I imagine he lets me call him "Herman"

because he big & chunky like a Munster!

While his physical being is big, 

his romantic notions are bigger!

I don't know what drew him to me, 

but once he set his sights on me, 

he was bent on wooing me!
(not that he needed to, 

this is one big lug who had me at "Hola")

He's great at romancing!

He likes to take me rowing in the lake!

He sings me Dean Martin songs in Spanish!

He gave me a dark chocolate sculpture of Dolly Parton!

He whispers my name in my ear while he nuzzles me.

My favorite romantic moment was when

 one time he made a little drive-in theater in his

back yard, where we sat in the back of his

red '65 Del Camino, 

with pillows, blankets and  a bottle of Amaretto

while we watched 

CINEMA PARADISO

and made out.

His personal snack bar had great hot dogs!

He Don't Even Know!-Thanks for everything, John Leguizamo

Say "hello" to Todd!

I imagine that I met Todd

on a Sunday Funday with friends.  

We were at a trendy West Hollywood bar

when Todd danced right up to me and said

I reminded him of John Leguizamo.

This wasn't the first time I'd heard that,

but it was the first time I wanted

to kiss the person who told me,

real hard!

He gave me a sweet kiss on the lips, 

patted my tush, 

then jumped up on a dancer box

and ordered two colorful drinks.

He popped of the box and danced for me

until the drinks arrived.

He immediately stopped dancing

and took me to a quiet part of the bar

where we sat, talked and made out a little.

At his insistence, I riffed a few

TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, JULIE NEWMAR

quotes. 

At the end of our drinks, 

he gave me a big hug and a card with his number on it.

He put on his shirt and left.

Then he came back, kissed me hard

and took me to the Arclight,

where we saw some low attended film

and made out in aisle P, seats 21 & 22.

I don't remember what film it was, 

but I remember reel 3 was very long.

He Don't Even Know - Franc & Weenie

With PRIDE season upon us,
I think you should meet my pretendificant other.

This is Francisco, 

his imaginary Latino accent

drives me nuts!

I met him at L.A. Pride 2014,

he was working in a booth for bullied

gay puppies!

I don't know who I found more adorable, 

this sweet Latino hunk or

 the emotionally damaged pups in desperate need of attention.

I will tell you who I found more cuddly;

Francisco!

After his shift at the booth was over,

he invited me to his place where we got

better acquainted over a bottle of Persecco

and Gluten Free Joe Joe's!

Then, we topped off the evening

cozily watching FRANKENWEENIE

in our underwear and rubber bracelets.

During the movie, Franc let me play with his puppy.

Too Busy For Love - Recap

Yesterday was a blast.

I had a great time doing color commentary for the 

Drag Queen World Series, with my dear friend, Matt Valle.

And the bat boys were nice, too!

Here are some highlights...

I followed up the Baseball game with a quick visit

to the Eagle L.A. for Meat Rack

where host John Piampiano

made me feel very welcome

There were some nice guys dancing...

...and a very nice door guy...

and more guys dancing...

All in all it was a full day filled with fun and glitter.

I'd love to sit and tell you all about it, 

but I'm rushing off to the movies with a friend.

I'm very busy!

He Don't Even Know! - Hot Host!

This is my "hunky host" Boyfriend,

he has a very nice swimming pool

and his favorite thing in the world

is hosting pool parties in summer!

There's a standing invitation for all

our friends.  He even has fun board

games  for  when  it's unexpectedly

rainy!  On those Sundays, when no 

one shows up by 4:00 PM, we get to

play THE BLUE LAGOON!  I usually 

have to be Brooke Shields because he 

insists on being Chris Atkins, to which

I always respond , "With those brows?"

Sometimes, when I'm good, there are

TWO naked Chris Atkins and no Brooke!