Friday, March 13, 2015

This Is Why I Am Single - The Horror!

Because I haven't given up, I've spent a lot of time scouring the profiles on OkCupid, or as I've taken to calling it, FU Cupid!  I start with the picture, if I find them attractive I go to the profile.  If they don't sound like they'll take me to a second location from our original date spot in the trunk of their car, I'll move on to the compatibility questions.  There I'll find that the match I've made in my head has turned to ashes and crumpled to the floor to be swept away by the winds of FU Cupid's flyaway wings.  It is there that I find that they do not like horror movies.  I enjoy horror movies very much and I can't imagine spending any real time, hoping to marry a man who doesn't like them!

Sure, I understand some don't like the gore, or maybe supernatural stuff really freaks them out or worse they think horror movies are just plain stupid.  I can understand the first two reasons, and I admit some horror movies are stupid beyond enjoyment, but I won't have them dismissed right of the vampire bat!   I enjoy horror movies with a sly/dark sense of humor like HOSTEL, THE EVIL DEAD, HOUSE OF THE DEVIL, FINAL DESTINATION.  I also enjoy horror moves that are a visceral rush like DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004), 28 DAYS LATER, THE DESCENT, [REC], PREY.  Also up there are the ones that are just a fun time like SHAUN OF THE DEAD, EVIL DEAD 2, TREMORS, PIRANHA (2010), SLITHER, DRAG ME TO HELL, ZOMBIELAND.  Then there's the ones that are just really good & scary like LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE ORPHANAGE, THE CONJURING.  I don't love all horror, I need that dark sense of humor, irony or a sense of hope, I didn't like WOLF CREEK or Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN movies.

Anyway, it's difficult for me to imagine having a partner who can't or won't enjoy these things with me.  Certainly, we don't have to do everything together, or even like all of the same things, but this is a big part of my entertainment- I must share my enthusiasm for it with someone who gets it.  I don't wanna sit at home suffering through the terrible continuity & murky story telling of the awful and addictive AMERICAN HORROR STORY, or admiring the lush gore, hypnotic score and twists & turns of HANNIBAL all by myself!  I need someone to gasp with me, and jump in fear and giggle in ironic delight with me.  I need a horror partner!  I'm sorry, but it is a deal breaker... or a neck breaker.

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