This Is Why I Am Single - The Look Away of Love

Today I had to deal with a car issue, that is not worth getting into,
what is worth getting into is the guy who helped me at the repair place.
(I'm pretty sure I mean that the way it sounds)
See the thing is, he was handsome.  He wasn't a hot stud model man,
he was just a nice, good looking guy and I was digging him hard.  I was a little distracted
by what was going on inside me, and I worked hard to listen to what he was telling me.
It got to where I could not look at him!  I was worried we'd make eye contact and I'd be busted for my rapidly developing crush.

This is why I am single; when I'm in a setting that is not specifically gay, i.e. a bar, a party, a Broadway show... I immediately break down and avert my eyes from a guy  I find attractive.  I dare not make eye contact for fear of revealing my vulnerability, or worse, getting a severe ass kicking.
There have been three specific instances (two before I realized I was gay) when in non-gay settings, I made direct eye contact with a guy.  We were locked on.  I swear, in each instance, there was an intense lock and we could not stop staring.  Simultaneously, there was an energy passing between us that could have been undeniable attraction or extreme unmitigated hate.  It happened once at a Kroger's in Galveston Texas with a typically 80's looking hunk-bagger two aisles away, another time with a cutie pie-hunk co-worker at Gasoline Alley across a bar and one time, across the table with my cousin's roommate in Santa Maria- we locked eyes and stared intensely for over a minute- I have no idea who saw this at the Kroger's or Gasoline Alley but there we stood surrounded by people, burning holes into each others souls for who knows how long, exactly.  Then suddenly, they all ended the same way, a sudden snap, then a gasp for air and the look down and away.  I have no idea if any of those guys turned out to be gay, but those moments were exhilarating and frightening.  It was never acknowledged by tho co-worker or the roommate, as if it had never happened.

I guess, now I just skip to the eyes down when I feel like that in an unfamiliar setting.
The ironic thing is, in a bar or at a party, I can sometimes just summon the gumption and approach a guy with no problem or qualm about letting him know what I have in mind.  When I walk down the street, I walk with my head up and ready to make eye contact with whomever comes my way.  I notice most people will look down or away as we get closer and cross paths.  I smile, and think to myself, "why so shy?"  That is until it's a guy I find terribly attractive, then I have to work very hard to keep my eyes up.  So, if we're out in a not specifically gay setting and I don't look at you, it means I like you!

The Trials Of Man Solo - A Certain Kind of Death

When you visit a blog named DieAloneWithMe.Com,
you know you gotta consider the literal aspect of dying alone.
I know I've thought about it often.  You don't have to be elderly to die in your apartment
and lay there for days before people realize you're missing, then either look for you
or get informed by the apartment manager who smelled the stench of death.
I've imagined all kinds of interesting accidents that would leave me dead and waiting for discovery.
There's the one where I'm dancing like an idiot, trip over my own foot, slam my head on the
corner of my entertainment center and lay unconscious bleeding out on the carpet.
Or the one where I'm in the kitchen and am so hungry I pop six gluten-free mushroom ravioli
from Gelson's in my mouth all at once, then choke on them.  I desperately throw myself on the
floor to try to get a good rush of air to push the tasty Italian treat out, but I don't get it quite right and stay on the floor choking and ouching from the unsuccessful throw down, I pass out & die.
My absolute favorite is the one where I slip in the shower and fall through the glass shower door, in just the right way to completely cut myself entirely in half, leaving a gruesome & awful mess.
I have a great circle of friends, but honestly, I think I'd be down for at least two days before someone got worried enough to come looking for me.  Yes, contemplating my own lonesome death can be a little depressing, but with some morbid imaginings, it can be kind of fun, too!

If the subject hasn't scared you off, might I suggest for your morbid viewing curiosity,
a documentary I stumbled upon a few years back that has stayed with me.
It's called A CERTAIN KIND OF DEATH and it's about people whose job it is to identify the
dead who are all alone in the world, with little clue who they are.  It is depressing but fascinating!
You can catch it on the Video On Demand sites or HERE, on the YouTubes.
Watch it alone for full effect!

I'd watch it alone with you, but I have to set up a daily appointment with one of my DABs,
in order to lessen the likelihood of such a demise.

HISTORIC EVENT - Beyond the Sandwich

On June 26, 2015
the Supreme Court of the United States decided in favor of same-sex marriage.
while getting married is not happening in the near future for me,
this decision put my blog at risk.  Yes, it lessens the likelihood that I will die alone-
a l'il bit.  I din't want to seem totally nonchalant about the whole deal, as if it doesn't mean
anything to me.  Sure, I'll find the humor in it and post about soon being able to marry
a sandwich that I really enjoy, but the decision means more than simply the right to be
married to the man I love in the future.
It also means that I am not less of a person.  I certainly don't need a piece of paper, a law,
or ignorant people's approval to let me know my worth, but it can wear a person down some.
Even though I know who I am and am happy with the person that I have grown into and become,
it can get a little grating to pop on to the Facebook, turn on the t.v. or read headlines and see
what a terrible person I'm supposed to be because I may love a person of the same sex.  It's hard
to hear that God and Jesus hate me because of who I love, that I am such a disgusting person that
I deserve to be murdered in the street, that I am so vile someone will not sell me a pizza, that I am intrinsically evil and a threat to heterosexual marriages and the family unit, just by declaring my love.
Seeing that all day, every  day can wear a person down whether they know it or not.
It's also exhausting being used as a political pawn by Republican assholes who play the gay
card for their religious zombies, who'll vote "yes" on anything so long as Jesus' named is stamped on it and it's against the demonic homosexuals.

What this decision does is let those people know that they are wrong.  I don't don't deserve less because I don't love a woman.  I don't need their God's permission to be legally married to a man, anymore than they need the Muslim God's permission to pray to Jesus.  My right to marry is not a political tool to get them to the polls any more than their right to free speech as a heterosexual is for me.  I am just as much a person as they are.  It means that if I die alone, it's because I chose it, not because a group of people say I can't be with someone.  This is no longer why I am single.

He Don't Even Know! - Dwan of the Apes

"Tom"!

Dearest Tom.

I sigh.

 I imaginary love him

because he is so reliable!

He's sweet as pie, 

caring and supportive

and quite the lover,

but I love him most

because he is always there.

When he says he's going to do something,

he does it.

When he sets a goal,

he achieves it.

And when he says he's gonna make me feel like

Jessica Lange in KING KONG (1976)

he freakin' does it!

No amount of animal, banana, giant ape dick 

jokes could even begin to describe what he does!

And most importantly, 

after a night of hot love making,

when I roll over in the morning

he's there. 

LOVE WINS! - My Plan Is On Track!! -UPDATED!!

This morning, the Supreme Court of the United States

decided that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states!

that's FANTABULOUS!!!

I don't even have a boyfriend,

so why am I so ecstatic?

Because, Gentle Reader, now I am one step closer

to realizing my true goal!

Maybe those over-the-top-Republicans 

aren't as nutty as you may think!

A couple of them came close to wrecking my plan,

but the Gays, with strict adhesion to the Gay Agenda

(The Real one, not the one taken and adapted

by Bobby Trendy's break away group, 

which most gays ignore and know is 

heresy to follow,)

have thwarted them!

Now, I am ever so closer!

The door has been opened this morning!!

NOW, I AM ONE STEP CLOSER 

TO BEING ABLE TO MARRY

THE MONTE CRISTO SANDWICH 

AT DISNEYLAND!!!

SCREW YOU, 

RIGHT WING NUNU HEADS!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

YOU CAN'T STOP ME NOW!!

THE DOOR IS OPEN!!!

(My apologies to the many dogs I love,

but if things don't work out with me

and my sandwich, 

I'm sure to give 4 of you a call.

Maybe one day, I'll be able to marry all four of you AND the sandwich,

but let's take this fight one battle at a time.)

Since I've posted this, tens of people haven't really asked,
so I'll tell you all at once,
Yes, I am gluten-free,
but once it is legal for us to marry
I am willing to convert to Glutenism
so that my sandwich and I can be together!
Right now, we're just having fun
(What choice do we have?)
and for the curious,
when we make love,
I just eat him out between the buns.
(Sorry if that's TMI, but nobody asked!)

Gay of A Certain Age - The Pick Up Artist

Is it weird that I can't pass by a penny on the street without picking it up?
There was a time in my life not long ago, when I would see a penny or some other
coin on the street and pass it by, feeling it had little worth.  I'd think, "I don't need that", or "Let someone else find it, they probably need it more than I do."  Now, I must stop to pick it up.
There's even been times that I've taken a few steps back to get it, after reverting to
that old attitude.

As a Gay of A Certain Age, I've come to see the the waiting coin as something else.
It is a gift from the universe (or God), it is a good symbol that I will be provided for,
that I am fortunate.  How could I possibly just pass that by?  How could I say "no" to
good will?  It's not all about monetary worth, either.  Picking up that coin reminds me
that I have a very full life, I'm very busy and active, and while I don't have a partner and
have moments of loneliness, I am not alone.  I have great friends, a fabulous family and wonderful creative outlets.  I get to indulge myself often.  Now I feel if I thumb my nose at a penny on
the street, I'm thumbing my nose at all of that.  So, whenever I see a round piece of metal on
the ground, I will stop, maybe even take a few steps out of my way, and pick it up.
I think that's how good stuff works, in general- you've got to stop for a second and accept it.
Whether it's a penny on the street, a friend offering to help or a flirtatious smile from a stranger,
just stop for a second and accept it.

He Don't Even Know! - Enter Me Laughing

OMG, "Ronnie"!

I totally imagine loving "Ronnie", so much!!

Do I even have to explain?

"Ronnie" is a friggin' hoot!

He is so much pretend fun, 

that sometimes I get hard while laughing!

It's true!

He's the kind of imaginary boyfriend that inspires

me to use exclamation points with everything!

His imaginary friends are a blast, too, 

but "Ronnie" puts the 

"HEEEE" in my heeeeeart!

We have great sex!

Gay Of A Certain Age - The Rainbow Never Fades

You guys, how long is it until that's me holding that sign?
For reals, am I gonna be doing the Gay Pride Parade after my ankles
have withered away and I can't wear the Chico's Angels cha cha heels anymore?
As a Gay Of A Certain Age, I've never really considered my role  as a senior citizen in the gay community beyond "burden" and "troll".  I suppose I'll have to be contributing to Gay Visibility
until people can live in this country without shame about who they love (or tragically, TRY to love)
and closets hold only clothes and that damned porn dvd collection I swore I was gonna get rid of back in my late 40's...

I've never really considered what it is going to be like being a gay senior, beyond the name of my blog.  I've never considered what it is like to be well into your sunset years and then finally see that it's okay to be who you are.  It must be extra difficult to come out the longer you're in.  Have some of these folk actually spent 50 years, or so, lying to themselves and others just to survive?  Is it scarier pursuing a same-sex relationship so late in life, so much so that one would choose to stay in the closet just to increase their chances of not being alone?  How much has shame and fear compounded like interest on a Bank of America loan?

On the other hand, this is about the time that those brave folks who caused a riot at the Stonewall would be able to look back and see all the good that they have done; Gay Pride madness in most major cities, defying closets and the sad close-minded people who wallow in ignorance and try to pull  us in with them;  Visibility in great numbers, but sadly, not great enough.  We will continue to need to march until we are all allowed to get married, until families learn that disowning their  gay child and throwing them out of their home is not an option, until men and women don't enter into loveless marriages simply to keep up appearances, then wreck a home when they can no longer keep up the charade, until people are not judged by who they love, until the heterosexual world stops being afraid of what is different from them and stops fearing that they are targets for recruitment, because no one knows better than the gays, you can't change a person's sexuality.

So yeah, in 20 years or so, I will gladly (and carefully) hop on a tourist bus and hold a sign that says "Gay Pride Is Gray Pride" to do my part! That is, if Gay Pride parades are even necessary 20 years from now.  Until then, I'll continue with the Chico's Angels parade participation and when that comes to an end, I'll finally get to show up in jeans and a vintage (by then) GOLDEN GIRLS t-shirt!

Gay Of A Certain Age - Pamper Is Not Diaper

Ladies, Gays & Gentlemen, the above tasty looking items are not tasty sweets.
They are bath beads. I have some because as a Gay of A Certain Age, I have come to a point
in my life when relaxing has become an important, nay, necessary part of life!
In my younger, more swashbuckling days, I would rarely stop to relax. It was physically impossible.
I'd sit for five minutes, the entire time thinking of other things I could be doing instead.
As age set in, I started taking a little more time for myself. Actually, it was when I found
out acupuncture and chiropracty are covered by my insurance plan that I started looking into
ways to relax. I went to POKE where Russ put pins in my body, turned down the lights and left me to relax.  It was rough going. I tried to clear my mind, but there was total chaos in there!
I started thinking of all the things I had to do, and what could go wrong with those things.
I began worrying that there were things I was forgetting to do. Then when I banished those thoughts, my mind started playing FINAL DESTINATION and coming up with great, creative, gruesome ways I could possibly meet my death in the poke room. Sudden earthquake was an obvious one, but I was impressed with the Rube-Goldbergian demise I thought up involving the electricity from the iPod playing soothing music, the water in the soothing fountain and a fat, clumsy rat.
It took a few visits before I was almost able to calm my mind.

Baths are a newish thing for me.  I could never sit still long enough for a good, relaxing soak.
Then, one time, while spending time in a swanky hotel, I followed a friend's example and
took a long bath, complete with the salts he generously poured into my hot water.
I could feel my neglected muscles loosening and the quiet in the room was astounding.
I finally got it.  Unfortunately, now that I like long hot baths, I rarely find the opportunity
for one!  My apartment does not have a tub made for real bathing,  I'd be scrunched up like the last
shrimp in a tin.  So now, when taking on new dog sitting clients, the size of their tub is a factor!
I confess, there are two, or so, of my clients that I wish out of town when I'm feeling particularly
fatigued.  They have very nice tubs.  Even then, I rarely have a chance to set aside time for
a nice, long bath with my active schedule with added dog loving duties.  I have a couple of people
trying to lure me into dog sitting for them, and they are a bit out of the way, but even though
their dogs are adorable, their tubs just won't cut it.  I just remembered that one of my regulars has
a fabulous tub that easily fits two people!  ...and in the last ten years or so that I've been sitting there, I've only had one tub mate (...and that was about ten years ago).  If I don't get this thing worked out, I may start another blog; Bathe Alone With Me.com.

This Is Why I Am Single - My Alleged Father 3

I woke up this morning and logged on to Facebook to see all of the tributes
to dads, living & dead. Happy Father's Day!
I'm not posting one of those today, at least not for my alleged father.
I don't mind seeing others post their glad tidings to the men who raised
them and were there to influence their lives, in good ways and odd.
I'm glad for them.  Also, I am sad for those who make their posts in memory
of their fathers who have died, who were taken away from them.
I know the absence, but for me (and many others) it is different because my alleged father
chose his absence.
As I grew up and saw images like these

I saw what my relationship was "supposed" to be like.  

I think I adjusted pretty well, for a kid.  I had my mom for all of my survival needs 

(and she worked harder than most people should have to).  I just learned to do without.

I learned to do the things that needed to be done, like shaving, by doing them.  Trail & error

kind of stuff.  I didn't need someone to teach me. (Although, I do remember my cousin poking fun at me because I applied my deodorant, "like a woman".  I guess a lot of my learning was from observing. Apparently, I never saw my brother put on deodorant.)  

(Also, to this day I still haven't learned to tie a tie, but I mostly don't learn so that I will

keep the opportunity to ask any hunk nearby to show me...

)

Now, as an adult and as a gay of a certain age, I do look back and miss those moments

a little, but what stings about it is that those moments didn't happen because they were

inconvenient.  Maybe I'd feel a little better about it if in his absence my alleged father had made a great breakthrough in some specific field, if he had become a great success at something because he dedicated all of his time to it, but that's not the case.  

There is no great legacy that will replace the lost father/son bonding.

Actually, I don't need anything from him like that, lost moments are lost.

I'm not posting this as a "wah wah wah, poor me", this about another bit of damage that 

has resulted.  I don't hate my alleged father, sometimes I do worry about him a little,

but what I feel most where he's concerned is disappointed.

This is why I am single; while a good portion of my worries about me in a relationship is

that I'll find out that I can be just as selfish as my alleged father, the bigger issue is 

that because of that, I withhold. This does not occur only in romantic (I guess potentially romantic) relationships.  I withhold my emotions and trust because if I get too far in, I may be the one that causes that disappointment.  I suppose it's also to protect myself from the possibility of experiencing it, but honestly I've faced disappointment enough to know I can handle it and things get better.

All I know for sure is that I don't want to be the source of that for someone else.  I don't want to be like him.  CLICHE' ALERT We can't help becoming our parents.  I mean that to say, couldn't the withholding on my part be just as disappointing.  I don't know who I'm protecting or how.  I don't know why I don't trust others to handle disappointment from me.  So, now let me say that my biggest worry is that I won't be able to stop withholding.  I may never be brave enough to just go balls out, completely open, fully trusting with someone.  THEN, start worrying that I'll be selfish and disappoint them!  Golly, I guess my alleged father gave ME the gift that keeps giving...

In all honesty, I find it hard to picture my alleged father's dad, taking him aside and living out the Norman Rockwell Pops & Junior moments, so I don't know if he was even capable of doing those things with me.  I just think he should have at least tried.   And if Grandpa was not the best father and that's my alleged father's excuse - he should just buck up and start his own blog!

He Don't Even Know! - Stay Puft!

Oh, "Thomas"!

He built a fire pit in the back yard!

Now, while the nights are still a little chilly,

we have friends over for cookouts,

drinks fireside,

and when we're alone, 

we have roasted marshmallow play.

Before we know it, 

we're both covered in sticky white stuff!

Too Busy For Love! - Dress On, Dress Off

It's getting rough!

I know it's perfect beach weather, but I'm too busy!

I had a work meeting go until 11:45 PM, Wednesday, 

A rehearsal last night and tonight I'm working with the ANGELS to host this event:

We'll be doing a few numbers and the featured singer lady 

is really good!

Get tix HERE

Saturday, I get to perform out of a dress

in a reading of a musical in the works!

Granted, I'll be playing an effeminate

guy who does drag, 

but I don't gotta do it in a dress!

Then, that evening,

I'm gonna go see Howard Skora's

MISERABLE WITH AN OCEAN VIEW

Which I hear is hilarious.

I don't know if there are any tickets left for the run,

but if there are, you can get them 

HERE

Sunday evening I've been invited to a BBQ, 

so, maybe a Sunday beach brunch...

if one of muh DABs doesn't snatch me up early...

I have a movie date with a friend Monday night

(Finally gonna see JURASIC WORLD)

Maybe Tuesday?

Whenever it is, we gotta do it fast, 

we start CHICO'S ANGELS 3

rehearsals soon!

FU Cupid - Tips

I am currently still down on the dating websites.
I still say FU, OKCupid!!
It's nothing new, but it amazes me how sometimes we'll hang in there
hoping that it'll get better.  Does it?

Here's an old blog with some tips for scoping profiles on these sites.
I think it is a heterosexual woman's point of view,
but they are all tips that apply to men of any orientation.
So, if you're new to the dating sites, or think you might be doing it wrong,
CHECK THIS OUT

He Don't Even Know - To Be A (Imaginary) Lover

This is "Terry"

My favorite thing about pretend Terry,

aside from his real Daddyliciousness,

is his ability to sing an 80's song

at the drop of a man without a hat!

I enjoy how foreplay

usually includes

bouncy tunes, some glamour rock

and a Pat Benatar power ballad or two.

We Belong together, indeed!

Invariably, I always get a fair trade on some

Flesh For Fantasy!

TOO PROUD TO POST!

With Gay Pride L.A. taking most of my day

I'll have to catch up with you tomorrow!

Gay of A Certain Age- It Begins!

I just returned from lunch with a friend and saw this delightful specimen
walking down the street towards us.  He is one of the many, hottie, shirtless mens
that descend upon West Hollywood for Gay Pride activities.
I, myself, haven't decided how I will spend this evening (I'm leaning toward staying in).

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I still appreciate the sight of hunky mens, but sometimes
my energy level makes it difficult for me to get out of the house to see them!
I know tomorrow I'm going to be out and about in a dress & make-up the entire day,
into the evening, maybe later, so I'll want to be well rested.  A little part of me wants
to go out tonight and see Kesha or Wilson Phillips, but a bigger part of me wants to
prep for the long day to come.  Maybe I'll try one of those fancy naps I've been talking about...

Too Busy For Love - Update

Today was very busy!

I had my Chico's Angels

photo shoot today.

It started with me in the make-up chair

at 8:00 am,

until I was heading home

at 8:00 pm.

Modeling is hard!

I am pooped!

Our make-up was done by

Glen Alen!

I think my Frieda character

had a touch of glamour she's never had before.

We were shot by photographer,

Duke Shoman,

whom you may remember as our hunk

in CHICO'S ANGELS 2: LOVE BOAT CHICAS

last year...

remember?

Anyway, he went

full on nutty

shooting today

and we had a blast!

I can't wait to show you the pics!

I'll be busy waiting for them.

Gay of a Certain Age - Big Bear Adventure

This Memorial Day, I thought instead of facing the "A" Gays

at every turn in Palm Springs, why not head a little north east

instead, and enjoy the smell of pine, fire place smoke and putt putt greens!

It's often that a holiday or three a year will be spent in lovely Palm Springs,

but lately it seems our plans to just sit back and relax are usually let go in favor

of meeting up with the other gays at a restaurant, a party, a swimming pool...

And while I really enjoy the social aspect of the desert,

this year, I really felt like I really needed a slow pace.

I thought I'd sit in a cabin and maybe get started on writing any of a few projects I've been  percolating in my brain.

I Spoke to muh DAB, Dennis, and he seemed up for that kind of weekend, too.

So, Friday afternoon we drove to Big Bear and crisp mountain air and the picturesque trees.

  We delighted in the cute cabin we got at a great rate and settled in.  

I put on a fire and Dennis got to writing.  

Saturday we spent the day in the Village and shopped and ate and saw 

TOMORROWLAND. We don't recommend it.

Sunday Morning we we joined by our friend, Carlos!

We enjoyed a day at the lake...

and an afternoon of  putt putt

(A course that's been around since 1948!)

We got a thrill seeing MAD MAX

and then had a lovely dinner.

Then, back to the cabin for some relaxing

and ice cream eating!

Monday we went zip lining and had a fabulous time.

Of course, this guy helping us get into our gear

and loading us onto the zip lines 

made it a little more delicious!

Carlos left us Monday evening.

On our final night, Dennis and I went for a nice long walk.

We stopped to take a pic by this cute trailer we'd been admiring

all weekend long

when all of a sudden the owner stepped out of her house

and invited us to take interior shots of the

1978 Canary she was very proud of.

Of course, we took her up on her offer and we had a nice chat.

Dennis, ever the interviewer, asked her

about herself and it turns out she

sells tea & such!

She sells Mountain Witch Tea.

She travels around selling at farmers markets, 

so keep an eye out for her!

Or visit the link to order some!

She took a few pics for us and we were on our way again.

As we walked some more, we really took in

how serious they are about their bears here!

Almost every business has a bear of some sort outside,

welcoming you.

We even stopped by this bear sculpture sanctuary

(for a li'l snack)

We also noticed, 

throughout the weekend,

how nice everybody in town was!

As a Gay of a Certain Age,

it's something you notice.

From our first restaurant experience Friday Night

to our last evening walk with 

the Mountain Witch Tea lady & her trailer, 

we just had the loveliest interactions

with everyone we met

(Oy, don't get me started on Suzanne at the Zip Line place,

that was like an un-aired episode of WILL & GRACE!)

I'm not saying that this couldn't have happened

in Palm Springs,

I'm just saying that since we took a risk

on a different place this year, 

it was well worth it!

THANK YOU, BIG BEAR!

By the way, I got no writing done!

Even getting to this blog was spotty!

Maybe it's me...

He Don't Even Know! - Present Laughter

Hello "Peter"!

Even though he doesn't know he's my boyfriend,

I imagine that he and I are together

because he is very serious.

As the middle child growing up,

he had to take things very seriously

to figure out ways to not be ignored.

Being serious doesn't mean he isn't fun, 

but his demeanor is a nice

contrast to my nutty side.

The most interesting thing about Peter is,

even though he is quite serious,

he giggles during sex!

And it's a sexy giggle, too.

You may not be able to imagine that,

but it comes from a place of shyness mixed with naughtiness

that always gets me in all the right places.

You can't try to make it happen, either,

it just happens in moment.

I guess that's what I find sexiest about it,

it means here's right there with me.

Ha!

Giggle on, Peter.  Giggle on!

Too Busy For Love! - Drag Season continues!

I'd love to go rollerskating with you, followed by a shared strawberry malt,
but I'm too busy!  I have a corporate gig in a dress tomorrow,
followed by a work meeting in the evening, a fitting Thursday evening,
Friday I have one (possibly two) photo shoot(s) and Saturday & Sunday
I've got L.A. Pride duties, including color commentary for the judges' table
and signing stuff in the LA Condom booth!

I'm swamped!  Maybe next week, but not Wednesday, I have another work meeting.
Friday night I'm hostessing a benefit in a dress and
I have a play reading Saturday afternoon & plans to see MISERABLE WITH AN OCEAN VIEW that night.  Maybe next Sunday... I'll let you know.  Thanks for asking!

Gay of a Certain Age - Plowers In the Attic 2; If There Be Porns

I have so much crap piled in my home, it's time for a yard sale.
Sometimes that means saying goodbye to stuff that you are still fond of,
but that there's no room for in your life.  You know, like seasons of REVENGE.
Since it finally went off the air, my DVR is a little cleaner and so is my life.
I love you Emily Thorn/Amanda Clarke, but enough.

As a Gay of a Certain Age, I think I am almost ready to let go of my DVD porn.
I've done it before. At a West Hollywood yard sale, I packed several nice bags with 9 or 10
gay porn DVDs and labeled each one "Bag O Porn" and sold them for $5 or $3 depending on my mood.  It was a little difficult to see them walk off with horny strangers,
but luckily and unfortunately, they were fully replaced with new movies & stars within a year or so.
Now, I've come to embrace the internet before bedtime and I have a good stash of DVD
and few favorite VHS porn that are largely ignored.  They've sat in my closet, unwatched for at least a year.
I must say that the idea of selling off or >GASP< giving away my Chris Rockway movies is
making me tremble... I might keep those.

I've had a mad crush on Chris Rockway since I first laid eyes on him at L.A. Pride 2008.

Yeah, I'll keep those...

and my Paul Wagner movies... I might keep those.

He just seems like a sweet guy, you know?

Yeah I'll keep those.  But I'm getting rid of the others!

I need more space and less clutter, so this Gay of a Certain Age is saying 

goodbye to the physical and hello to the naughty stuff in the air!

Mostly...

Gay of a Certain Age- Two Naps in a Circle

After a weeknight drag and the adventures this weekend,
it has become very apparent that I not only love a good nap,
but I need one... or two!
Yesterday was a nap double header as my body tried to catch up with
the sleep it had been denied and craving since Tuesday night.

As a Gay of a Certain Age, it's very important to get my rest!
If I don't get it, i'm not as bright and perky as my usual self.
I'm just a peaceful lump at a disco.
I can't make it through an entire episode of LAST MAN ON EARTH...
So, here's to the ladies who nap!
I just had one, now, I'm off to another adventure and hope to
have enough energy to make it through the Tony Awards after!

This Is Why I Am Single - Full Internal Disco

Tonight, I took a friend to see FADE TO CONNIE,
a delightfully different show that's a dance/performance art piece about
putting ourselves in our favorite movies.  I highly recommend it.
So afterward, my friend says he'd like to go out before heading home.
I dismiss my old self, who is saying to me, "but you're still exhausted from last night!",
and drive us over to Akbar, where Mario Diaz's FULL FRONTAL DISCO is going on...

We go into the main bar area before heading into the disco
and we run into a few (one) people (person) we (I) know.
We also struck up a conversation with a straight couple who were having a nice time.
By the time they left and a group of familiars were surrounding us,
I found myself in an odd little place inside of me.  While they were all chatting,
I sat there quietly.  I didn't have anything to say... and I didn't mind.
I didn't feel awkward or pressured to clap my trap.  I just sat, watching them talk,
listening to the music and absorbing it.

When we went into the Disco, we headed to the dance floor and I stood among the others
kind of bouncing, more than dancing, feeling perfectly fine.  Maybe it was exhaustion
in disguise of serenity, but there I was, in the group but not really participating.
This is why I am single, I can be in a disco, surrounded by many good looking, approachable guys,
and be perfectly fine with bouncing in place and not really interacting with anyone.
Whatever. Despite the nice time, we headed home not long after (regretfully missing the show)
and I wrote this entry, then went to bed.
It was a good night.